AIBU to feel hurt that family did not notice my weight loss?

[Weightloss1234]

I have name changed for this to not link to other posts. But keep a long story short I have lost over 1 1/2 stone since June. I feel absolutely great and I know I look good, lots of people in work have mentioned it to me.
Here’s where my AIBU comes in. I was at a family gathering the other day…with people I have not seen in a while and some I have seen on and off! Not one person said anything. Now I know I don’t need validation for others. And I do understand that a lot of people are hesitant to comment on peoples appearance but when someone looks good and I know they’ve worked hard in themselves I always say it to them. I just feel a bit deflated I suppose. I know IABU! But it still hurts a little…

Maybe they are minding their own business. Wish more people would do the same when it comes to other people's weight. I would never comment on someone's weight loss or gain unless they brought it up themselves and invited comment.

i think you should have just told them if you were that bothered.
i imagine your work colleagues know you were dieting and were supportive but the family might not have noticed.

No they didn’t know. I never said anything at all.

This
I once years ago congratulated someone I hadn’t seen for ages on their weight loss and it turned out they had cancer and I’ve never said anything to anyone about their weight since and I think for some people it’s not a subject up for discussion.

presumably your work colleague saw what you ate?
or saw you every day
or the family dont see you often?

my relative had anorexia,
i did Not comment

Look at J K's comment about mentioning weight loss. It's great they haven't said anything-it's none of their business, you could be ill and not wanting to talk, and how women look isn't what matters at all, just like they shouldn't be mentioning it if you put on weight.

I would be offended if you said that to me, as it implies I didn't look great before.

It's isn't "you look good" (to which I would reply oh thanks!)
It's "Have you lost weight? You look good!" which v strongly implies the reason you look good is because you look thinner. Ergo before, you must have looked fatter, and not as good.

to be honest most people are more interested in themselves, not others

No, I eat at my desk. They go for breakfast/lunch at a different time to me.

I'm the same height as OP and recently went from 9stone10 to 8 stone 3. A similar weight loss. I look very different on my frame and lots of people noticed. I was overeating too (it is possible to over eat and eat badly and not be in the over weight category, metabolism plays a role and i was very active). I'm now much healthier and leaner and my running times have got massively better too.

but why are you upset? Size 12 isnt even that big so maybe theyre worried youve been ill or something. Crazy thing to mention.

Yep

Thank you! I have a friend and whenever she loses weight I worry.

Don't worry about anyone else - you know you've done it 🔥

Only a numpty comments on someone's body.

This. I never comment on someone's weight unless they specifically tell me they have deliberately lost weight.

Oh, I really laughed at that Motherland scene!

But I think people are steering away from commenting on weight loss, and rightly. It's only appropriate if the person has already told you they are trying to lose weight.

I gave up commenting on anyone’s weight when my best friend went through an eating disorder when we were teenagers. I honestly can’t see the point in saying “have you lost weight, you look great?”and trying to equate those two things. Whenever I’ve had it said to me it just makes me assume they thought I looked fat and shit before so I’d honestly rather not mention it and I think many people are the same.

Only exception is if I know someone has been making a concerted effort to get healthier and they look more toned etc I would say well done.

Have to say it’s the same in reverse - when I was pregnant I didn’t mention it to most people for about 6 -7 months and presumably many just assumed I’d got massively more overweight but also didn’t say anything. Thank goodness.

But that’s true, isn’t it? If someone needed to lose weight, they’re going to look better if they lose it. I don’t think people would say it to a thin person who lost weight and didn’t need to.

As someone else whose drastic weight loss was down to cancer, it shouldn’t be a subject up for discussion. Especially as people continuing to comment positively once they knew it was cancer just showed me how distorted and frankly fucked up some people’s ideas about weight are. I mean, I didn’t look good by any stretch of the imagination!

They probably didn't notice, my mum didn't notice when I lost 3 stone/2 dress sizes (12 stone down to 9). It wasn't politeness, she genuinely couldn't see it. It's not until you've lost quite a huge amount that most people twig. Just be proud of yourself, who cares what other people think - you know you're healthier and happier and that's all that matters.

“Omg, now you’ve lost weight you look amazing!”
means…
“you looked like a bag of shit before.”

How is that a compliment? I never understand why people gush and glow over weight loss ‘compliments’ - they’re such a blatant insult to how you looked before.

I assume she was absolutely huge because that’s the only way you wouldn’t notice. Although saying that, I know someone who was convinced they were 9.7 stone on weight loss pills from the doctor, told everyone she’d lost 5 stone, went to the docs and after telling him she felt great she was now 9.7 and she’s lost 5 stone, he weighed her and she was, in fact 11.7st, I’m cringing here picturing this whole scenario again lol Turns out she bought some dodgy scales off Temu that were lying to her 🫣 She said I couldn’t understand how I was still so much bigger than everyone else who was 9+ stone!!

OP very well done, years ago my partner went from 17st to 14st in 3 weeks, it’s absolutely doable, done him no harm whatsoever, he’s still healthy now so the rapid weight loss didn’t effect him in the slightest, he lost a further 2.7st in the following 3 weeks after that so in 6 weeks he’d 5 1/2 stone off him, this was YEARS before weight loss injections were ever a thing and not a pill or bit of exercise did he do. He just went from drinking cans of coke and bottles of lucozade daily and eating greasy takeaways almost every day along with sweets crisps chocolate biscuits etc to cutting it all out totally and drinking litres of water daily and cutting most carbs to eating just steak, chicken, veg, salads, fruit etc so I know it’s possible without help, well done and I know the family noticed but some would be jealous and others maybe in fear of saying anything incase something was wrong.