AIBU to feel hurt that family did not notice my weight loss?

[Weightloss1234]

I have name changed for this to not link to other posts. But keep a long story short I have lost over 1 1/2 stone since June. I feel absolutely great and I know I look good, lots of people in work have mentioned it to me.
Here’s where my AIBU comes in. I was at a family gathering the other day…with people I have not seen in a while and some I have seen on and off! Not one person said anything. Now I know I don’t need validation for others. And I do understand that a lot of people are hesitant to comment on peoples appearance but when someone looks good and I know they’ve worked hard in themselves I always say it to them. I just feel a bit deflated I suppose. I know IABU! But it still hurts a little…

I lost 8kg in a short space of time recently and I was dreading going out to see friends in case they mentioned it, and I’d have to tell them I was unwell. Unless you’ve been speaking about your diet/ exercise I think people are generally cautious because they don’t want to upset or offend!

To be obese at 10 stone she would have to be 4ft 8 which whilst not impossible is highly unlikely. Op has now said she is 5ft 2 so not obese.

I never said she took meds, wtf are you on about. I said lots of people are on meds to lose weight.

Your weight is your own business.

I’m sure you wouldn’t have been happy if they commented on your business when you were overweight.

And there’s a million threads on here commanding people to never comment on any else’s body. People can’t win FFS!!

I never mentioned the word obese I said my BMI was in the overweight category not obese…

I commented a few times recently to be met with they’ve been stressed, ill, depressed so now I wait until they mention something about it themselves.

So? I didn’t say she was obese, I said she could be, as it was she was overweight. What’s your point?

Exactly this op.

But what comment would you like?

If someone says "have you lost weight?" then if it turns out you've lost weight due to illness, this isn't a great thing to say.

If you say "yes" they then are basically obliged to tell you that you look good, so it's a meaningless compliment. And suggests that you didn't look good before you lost weight, which is insulting.

Or they could just tell you that you look good without mentioning weight, but then that's still not recognising your weight loss.

If you haven't actually lost weight, then they'll get flustered to have mentioned it.

Simplest just to say nothing and hope that you might provide them with a lead in they can reply to. Which, if you are bothered, I'm surprised you didn't provide them with, rather than being hurt because they didn't spontaneously do something they didn't know you wanted?

God talk about over thinking it. Who on earth gets a compliment saying you look good and thinks Christ thay means I don’t look good at other times.

how do people function in social situations where some basic compliment has them spiraling.

op, I agree with you, if someone knows you’re trying to lose weight, nothing wrong with a compliment of you look great.

It is no longer socially acceptable to comment on someone's weight.

Yeah it is, when you know they’ve been dieting and trying and close enough to do so and know it won’t cause an issue.

it is not socially acceptable to approach acquaintances you don’t know why they lost weight and say anything, but you can still tell the person they look great.

compliments are socially acceptable.

I think people are (finally) starting to realise that it is never a good thing to comment unsolicited about someone's weight.
There are lots of reasons for this being a good thing:

• It fights the assumption that thinner = better
• It can be construed that the person thought you looked awful before.
• You may not have wanted to lose weight or may have been ill which has led to weight loss, which wouldn't be a cause for congratulations or celebration.

I am teaching my children to not comment about a specific point of someone's appearance unless it is somethey can change in the next ten minutes.
E.g. It's not okay to say "Your teeth are crooked" but it is okay to say "I think you have something in your teeth".
It's not okay to say to someone when you're out "those trousers don't suit you" but it is okay to say "your label is sticking out".

I rarely comment on people’s weight, because at our age, gain could be down to steroids and loss could be due to cancer. Many women I come across, are under enormous stress with sandwich generation caring responsibilities, and they cope the best way, they can!

I think commenting at all has basically become taboo. I never comment, ever.

i think it’s important to mention these things. this is why i always comment when my bf gains weight, he loves the attention!

I don’t believe a weight loss or a weight gain should be commented upon and presumably many in your family agree. Your colleagues need to get some more HR training.

My DH lost 30kg a couple of years ago. Most people haven't said anything - but then a lot of his friends and family are overseas and so they don't see him very often. In a way, it's nice that people thought he looked this good before!

I'm sure going from 10st to 8st on a 5'2" body is very noticeable, but it just goes to show that most people really don't scrutinise and critique other people's bodies and that's a GOOD thing!

What’s really obvious to you just won’t register in the same way to other people.

I would NEVER comment on someone's weight loss, just as I would never comment on someone's weight gain. Even a best friend or a sister.

They’ve probably had to listen all about it for weeks … and witness how less she’s eating at lunch time.

OP did you lose weight for you or to impress everyone else?!?

I once complimented someone on their extreme weight loss and she said she'd had some kind of stomach problem and almost died!!!! So...... I don't comment anymore after that mistake. People might have worried about saying something in case it turned out you were ill. I also find nowadays with WLIs that weight loss is more common, so perhaps that could contribute at well. I really wouldn't worry about it as it only really matters what you think.

Dh's cousin came over from Canada in the autumn. She was absolutely skinny for her age and size ( uk size 6) compared to the last time we saw her two summers ago when we all met up in Poland for our family reunion. She was at least an 18, she was bigger than me and I was 16/18 at the time.
No one mentioned it. We all thought she was ill. There turned out there was a reason for it but she hadn't lost weight for wanting to.
We are glad we didn't say anything and she brought it up on her own time with no pressure.
People lose weight for all sorts if reasons, not necessarily good ones.

as a PP has said, i also lost 1.5st in June, but haven't really changed clothes size yet. things feel a little looser but not much at all. so no one has said anything to me. which i am fine about, because i am doing this for me and no one else really.

I have a general policy of not commenting on other people’s weight or appearance - I might go for a general “oh you look nice!” But that’s as far as I’d go.

Your weight loss sounds quite rapid and from one end of healthy to another. They might be worried you’re ill! More likely, they haven’t noticed (people can be incredibly unobservant) or are simply being polite.