I know this is going to sound a bit dramatic but it’s genuinely how I feel. I have a 4 year old and a 12 year old - big gap and quite difficult to manage at times.
The 4 year old is full on. She doesn’t stop. From the moment she wakes up she chatters, demands, wants this wants that. She has also in the past few weeks started having some mega meltdowns which has been hard to manage - could be developmental or maybe because she knows school is starting soon I don’t know. If I’m ever trying to have a conversation with anyone else she’ll say mummy mummy mummy until I acknowledge her. She always needs something.
My older child is obviously less demanding but I worry about him in different ways. It’s a whole different set of problems with high school politics etc. He also does a lot of activities that require a lot of time.
The hard bit is Dh and I have no family support so it’s just us. The only break I get is when I go to work but Dh works more hours than me so it’s often me doing the majority of childcare. Between kids, work, household stuff, admin I feel absolutely drained. My dd as much as I hate to say it is the main cause. I feel like I have no autonomy I can never just please myself, even if I try to read a book it’s constant interruptions. The other day I was out with both dc and dd was chattering away and tantrumming, older ds was giving me attitude over something and I just felt like my head would explode.
I have realised my nerves are shot. I’m constantly in a high anxiety state where I’m waiting for the next demand, tantrum or interruption. I am irritable and knackered and snappy and I don’t like being that way. The only time I get to reset is when they go to bed but ds is older now and often up later than me sometimes.
I see other mums nailing every aspect of their lives - looking great, lovely homes, excelling in their careers and being great mums and I don’t know why I’m currently finding everything so hard.