Are you a carer? For your spouse? HOW DO YOU DO IT?

[HerbyWitch]

I'm my husbands carer. I have been since 2023. I can't ever recall a time I felt so alone. I absolutely hate him, whilst having the deepest saddest pity for him, and along with the pity for him is the sadness and loss I feel for our life.

You have my sympathy. I have been there, it truly takes over your life. I just took life one day at a time, it was the only way we could both cope.

Thanks for replying.

I have been doing one day at a time for over 3 years now and all I can see is my life drifting away and time flying past me while I care for him.

I’m so sorry. I’m 11 months into my husband’s terminal cancer diagnosis. Ups and downs in care responsibilities, but constant hyper vigilance. Our roles have completely changed and I am fearful for the future that I once eagerly anticipated. It’s relentless and I too have never felt so alone. Know you are seen

Husband now in a care home; currently supporting youngest adult son through serious mental illness. I found Carers UK really helpful as a place for practical advice and support.

UK | Carers UK

❤

I was DH's carer from 2023 till six weeks ago when he died. He had had escalating health problems and after his final hospital admission came home to die with me and the dogs.

It was utterly relentless and I found there is very little support, until the final few weeks, though I suspect different areas vary in this. I hated him at times then was filled with profound pity for the wreck of the wonderful man I married three decades earlier. I loved him to the end and miss him terribly but also feel I have been let out of a cage.

This is a club no-one wants to join and the existence of which is not given enough recognition.

I’ve lived that time. I loved him so much, but the whole thing was exhausting and stressful. I felt I had no life any more.

24/7 it went on.

But, Covid killed him in 2023, and now I miss him so much. 🤷‍♀️

All I can suggest is that you get all the support you can, and just take one day and one night at a time. 🌺

I have been my DH's carer since 2021. We do have support workers in 13 hours every single day but I obviously still do lots.

I have no life, I can't go out. Taking our daughter to do anything takes days of planning. My only saviour is escaping to work 16 hrs a week.

It's my 50th in October, guess where I will be.

I have to get up for him at least 3 times in the night because he is too uncomfortable or needs pain killers ( he is tetraplegic after a collapse one night - spinal fluid leakage).

Much care coming your way. Have you looked into Continuous Health Care CHC NHS? They could maybe help? Xx

I have been my DH's carer since 2021. We do have support workers in 13 hours every single day but I obviously still do lots.

I have no life, I can't go out. Taking our daughter to do anything takes days of planning. My only saviour is escaping to work 16 hrs a week.

It's my 50th in October, guess where I will be.

I have to get up for him at least 3 times in the night because he is too uncomfortable or needs pain killers ( he is tetraplegic after a collapse one night - spinal fluid leakage).

Much care coming your way. Have you looked into Continuous Health Care CHC NHS? They could maybe help? Xx

All of that is so understandable. Are you getting therapy?
Would he go into a care home? He might prefer that too if it’s making your relationship really hard?