Ex spam-calling and accusing me of withholding child over basic boundary. I’m I unreasonable?

[verytiredmamma3194]

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective and a sanity check on a situation with my 6yo son's father.
For context, he is not an involved parent. He picks and chooses when he wants to see our son. He has never taken him to school or nursery, has never attended a single parents' evening, and doesn't show up for school events.
Today, he called to speak to our son. During the call, he told our 6yo that he wants to take him to the cinema to see the new Spider-Man movie after we get back from our upcoming holiday. He then explicitly instructed our 6yo to "remember what to say" to me to let me know these plans are happening.
I was sitting right next to the phone and heard this. I immediately stepped in and told him that our 6-year-old is not a messenger and will not be put in the middle of adult logistics. The dad shouted "don't speak to me" and slammed the phone down.
Since then, he has spam-called my phone 12 times. He sent an aggressive text claiming that he is the one setting a boundary by refusing to speak to me, and accused me of stopping our son from seeing him because I won't answer the phone.
I texted him back very clearly, saying that if he wants to take our son out, he needs to text me the exact date, start time, and pick-up details in writing so I can check the calendar. I told him I will not handle this over the phone. He replied saying: "So you're going to stop him from seeing me because I won't speak to you?" He refuses to text the details and just keeps ringing.
To make matters worse, a few days ago I confronted him about how he sexually coerced me when we were in a relationship. He completely dismissed my feelings and told me what I said was "disgusting." I feel like this relentless calling and twisting the narrative today is a massive power trip and reaction to that. He has also previously insulted me for accepting a caravan holiday invitation from his dad's partner, calling it a "pity handout" and telling me I should be ashamed that I can't provide a proper holiday myself.
I have now put my phone on Do Not Disturb because his behaviour makes me incredibly uncomfortable. In the past, when I've let him into my house to see our son, he has repeatedly touched me, made sexual jokes, and commented on my body after being told to stop.
Am I being unreasonable for refusing to answer his calls and standing firm that if he doesn't text me the basic details, our son simply isn't going? How do I handle the guilt and the inevitable blame that I am "withholding" our son?

He sounds horrific. I'd definitely report his abuse to the police. So what if it causes issues for him? It's already caused issues for you.

Think of your son, this guy is no role model. You don't want your son growing up learning that this is how men treat women.

Get in front of this OP.
GP, Women's aid, local domestic abuse charities.

Sexual coercion, you left the relationship, Sexual assault when he came to your home.
Now harassment.

This is a very very bad man.
He knows well what he did and is being careful.
See what Women's aid say.

Please protect yourself.

At 6 years old yanbu to want the pick up and drop of details to be worked out with you rather than a message sent through your son. When he is older it would be ok to do that but not at this age.

I think there is an app for this so you don't need to speak to each other. If you can't do that then mediation or another family member to speak through. Don't argue on the phone in front of your son. I know he's an arse but don't fall for his shit. Do it when son not around. This is about your son now not you two.

Isn’t the film a 12A? Not really suitable for a 6-year-old.

Weed addicted?

Change your number and get full custody - can you get supervised visits only for him? I wouldn't want someone like him alone with my child.

Definitely get a parenting app

change your phone number

let him take you to court. Or do mediation

Also screenshot your phone log. That is a levels of harassment calls. My ex once called me 68 times in 24 hours and the police were very very very interested in this as it’s a level they can get involved at. 12 is also too many and you can build up a picture of this

Who said my home is filled with smoke? I do not smoke inside of my home and I have already said I have given up smoking weed. THE REASON I DID SMOKE WEED IS FOR MY CHRONIC ILLNESSES!!!!

Oh, get knotted with this unhelpful concern trolling. It’s not appropriate in the circumstances.

Report to police. Every single time.
Block on all other methods and sign uo to a parenting app. OUR FAMILY WIZARD is good, can get jt free if on benefits.
He does not come to your house. Use a neutral location that has cctv.
Tell him nothing. He doesn't need to know the holiday was from.your dad's partner. Give limited information. Look up BIFF- brief, informative, factual, friendly. Also grey rocking would be really beneficial.
I also have autoimmune diseases and deal with an ex like yours. It is draining, so well done for putting those boundaries in place.