Looking for different perspectives. I was friends with a group of 8 people in my late teens/early 20s (we met at college in one way or another). Over time, 4 of us: settled in the same area, had families etc. It was the early 1990s when we were at college, and we all flirted with the drugs/alcohol scene (nothing A class). When I left, I got a decent job and packed all that in - the others continued and some dabbles with A class drugs; no judgment from me, but it is relevant.
We continued to meet up but I started to drift away I suppose; I was no longer invited to the pub or to parties because I didn’t drink or do drugs and there was always drama after drama in their relationships with affairs, cheating, screaming rows which I kept away from - I’m more one for the quiet life tbh. I was usually the one asked to babysit when they all went out! One of them lost their father and sister in a car accident and I was there for them, listening, helping with the funeral arrangements etc. Basically, I was on the periphery but always ‘there’ if that makes sense.
Just before lockdown, both my parents died and I was absolutely bereft, they all knew they and we were very close as a family. I became disabled not long afterwards and depression followed. My husband reached out to the group, only to be told ‘we’re busy’ and ‘we’ve got our own be lives now’. It was at that point I thought ‘fuck this’ and stopped contact with all of them. During lockdown one of them called a mutual friend hysterical saying she needed me and was having a hard time (not asking once if I was ok). My husband bumped into her a couple of weeks ago. She ended up sobbing hysterically and said she misses me a lot, that one of our friendship group died from a drug related illness a few years ago, she’s separated from her partner and she really wants to get back in touch.
i absolutely do not want to revisit the friendship, my life has moved forward to a really happy and settled place. I don’t bear any grudges but I really don’t want to take a step backwards. AIBU?