AIBU to leave after years of unhappiness and growing indifference?

[Springawakening543]

My partner and I have been together for 10 years and lived together for 4 years.

The last 2 years have been very difficult, I feel my partner and I were just going through the motions of being in a relationship, I feel that he did not support me with anything, he was angry the whole time and really could shout at me he was tight with money and expected me to cover 90% of the household bills.

I would cry myself to sleep and beg him to change and start to put me first to everyone else he was funny and charming.

I told him last year I was not happy and wanted out nothing changed at all, in February this year we had a chat where I said that I am done and wanted our relationship to end this time he said he would change and would start straight away, not much changed and we plodded on but now I am totally indifferent to him he is trying and making changes and he finally sees that I do not care.

Do you ever get back to being in love with someone after indifference, should I try and make our relationship work. When do you know that it’s over?

AIBU work at it

AINBU leave it’s over

It doesn’t look like there’s anything to work at. You’re not married so why stay and waste any more time?

If you don't have kids get out now

Empty threats should always be ignored

Do you have kids? Sounds like you’re not married. If it’s just you end it there’s no reason to stay if you’ve checked out.

It takes two to tango and he’s only dancing when he can see his bags at the door.
Rip the plaster off and get on with enjoying your life.

You keep telling him things but then you don't follow up with action. Why?

If you are done then start the process of leaving. Who owns the house, do you have children, joint or yours, can you afford to live by yourself?

As to your question about whether you should leave or stay. Get the hell out. Now.

Promises to change and then when I am indifferent he decides to change!

I feel like the last 10 years have been wasted he now constantly wants sex, tell me how good I look (I have lost weight) that I remind him of how I looked when we first met.

He has done some really horrible things in the past and he says that I should be able to move on and not think about the past.

we do not have joint children thank goodness and I own the majority of our house.

I can see he is trying but I don’t feel anything for him anymore I care about him but not sure I love him anymore.

Why would it be unreasonable to leave, now or at any other time that you'd had enough and said you were leaving? He's not likely to change; why would he? He might do a half-hearted thing here and there and chat some shite, but if it takes several ultimatums and threats to get him to stop treating you so much like an unpaid employee he doesn't like very much, then what's the point? And no, I don't think he's going to fall back in love with you, if he ever was. Only you know if you love him, but even if so that's no reason to stay if you've been unhappy for years.

Why did it take you 6 years to live together?
The number one rule: NEVER EVER hope fir change. Men never change

He tells me he loves me but his actions over the years have sometimes showed differently.

My issue is will I fall back in love with him, I don’t want to be around him at all at the moment he is trying but nothing he does is making me fall back in love with him.

This really does sound like a relationship that has run its course. I think you should end it. And I'm not one of those MNers who comments "LTB" for every OP where a man has been a bit unreasonable.

@Springawakening543 sounds like either or both of you have children, just not joint? In that case if it's having the effect on you that you cry yourself to sleep, how do you think the children are feeling? Just put everyone out of their misery and leave.

Men never change? That’s a meaningless generalisation. I’ve worked in the helping professions for over 30 years, including nearly 20 years as a psychotherapist and have seen countless men change out of all recognition. Of course they have to want to change and that’s often the sticking point.

This is an extremely unhealthy relationship, you need to leave for your own sake that of any children involved on either side

Why do you want to fall back in love now that you've finally got to feel nothing for him? You are emotionally free to go now so do it!

@Springawakening543 2 of the 4 years living together have been terrible. Leave. Don’t waste anymore valuable time on a dead relationship.

No you won't. He's treated you badly for long enough, time to walk away.

It’s has really escalated today, he has called me all sort of the names and taken my car

Is he back?

Do have somewhere to go? are you safe?

I would report the car as stolen and try and leave while he's out

Arr you okay OP?