AIBU to laugh when a relative called herself an empath?

[JadeOP]

This goes a few weeks back, however I have insomnia and so of course thoughts such as this come back and forth. There will be a huge amount of context below, so this may be a longer read 😂

I was having drinks with a family member who we will call Susan for ease, and she had been going on for I’d say 75% of the time we had spent together about her “horrible” job and annoying coworkers who frankly are no worse than the average lot you’ll get in any office. I realise this sounds harsh, however the complaints are things such as “Why did my boss not be more concerned over XYZ personal issue I had” or “XYZ colleague/s were smoking outside how disgusting”. My opinion is that your boss is your boss, and whilst it’s nice if they genuinely care they only have an obligation to do what is standard for a boss, not be your counsellor. And the remarks about colleagues are just classist sh*te about people Susan has never been TRIED to like as she feels above them (despite being one of the lowest paid in the office, but feels she is middle class somehow due to her postcode and accent).

These rants happen EVERY SINGLE TIME I see her and are all on the same menial issues. I have these issues and significantly worse most weeks and yet see it as normal??

This is also someone who is snappy with service staff treating them like servants the moment they make a single error, and getting highly irritated about cold food despite everyone knowing it’s obviously not their fault and totally out of their control generally. Plus, they’re 16-25 year olds mostly who are probably exhausted doing it after uni or sixth form so just give them a break ffs??

In addition, they are someone who blatantly makes zero effort to remember anything actually important you’ve said, get to know you or truly understand any of your issues. Generally any issues you’re having are met with false care then an episode of worrying that of course makes them the object of attention, sometimes even extending to Susan wanting to take control of the situation entirely with the aim of resolving her own anxiety. But with zero logic in the solution or genuine good intention for the person facing the issue.

Now for context, Susan does have anxiety which is where I feel bad. However, and I hate to say stuff such as this, like with her job is a chronic complainer with zero actual intention of changing. I totally appreciate it’s harder to make change with MH issues, however I’ve never met someone who for 2 decades has been such a victim of their own life.

She has more than adequate financial resources to resolve this, and has been mortgage free since early 40s, so despite being on £40k has an enormous amount of disposable income to afford pretty much whatever route she wants to go down.

Now for where I blew up….
She had only 5 minutes ago stopped ranting about her job, and then shortly after was treating the poor guy serving us like a human “below” her lofty standards. She then saw a FB video (yes, I know, of all things) of children in poverty and then also a cat rescue. And claimed to be an “empath” as she apparently “nearly had tears”.

This is where to be honest I just laughed in her face and said are you seriously calling yourself an empath. Yes this was a bad approach I know, but I couldn’t deal with it anymore and this has been going on for 2 decades + as I said and I’ve always managed to keep silent.

Of course, I then had the silent treatment the whole rest of the drink until she just left and I now haven’t heard from her outside of ridiculous Facebook posts revolving around quotes.

I refuse to be going around labelling people, however I have a fair suspicion on what she is, but 1) AIBU? and 2) Is she as bad as I think or is this normal?

I won’t be hurt if I am being horrible, so please be as honest as can be haha.

I know what you mean. A colleague who has bullied others for years, and is highly self absorbed with narcissistic tendencies recently described herself as an HSP (highly sensitive person!). Funnily enough, it was after she’d been awful to someone else for the millionth time, and she was being challenged.

I think anyone who calls themselves an empath out loud should be laughed at, regardless of backstory.

Not gonna lie, you don't sound much better than her, and seem to be basking in putting her in her place.

You were quite unkind and rude. You lost the moral high ground.

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I think Susan spends a lot of time preoccupied with interpersonal relationships, and she mistakes that for empathy -- for actually comprehending the mental states of other people. It is the opposite of that, though. She is projecting her inner concerns onto other people, reducing them to a puppet show of her own psychodramas.

Bingo. I once had a parent say that her year 7 child must not be given any distressing history work(so no Henry VIII, no ww1 or 2, no battle of Hastings, no slave trade ) because she was an empath and her child had inherited it.

That's brilliant. God almighty, some people.

Same here.

Well, an uncontrolled burst of laughter in an unguarded moment is one thing, but you didn't have to veralise your thoughts to her. To be fair, the laugh might have been enough to ruffle her feathers.

You can either apologise, which I probably wouldn't, as you clearly think she was/is being ridiculous (also, this may be a case of 'least said, soonest mended'), or you can just ignore it and carry on as usual. If you like her enough to want to spend time with her, suggest meeting up at a time when you normally would. Water under the bridge.

No, she doesn't sound like an empath, but as others have said, it's become a popular self-descriptor for a certain type of person. Aside from the ones calling themselves empaths, I've only come across people who think it's a red flag or have no clue what it even means, so I've no idea who they're hoping to impress.

Yeah it sounds like you absolutely hate her. Stop hanging out with her!

If I had a friend who I thought so little of they wouldn't be my friend. Even if they're family you don't have to see them.

She sounds awful. I would not be wasting my time getting drinks with her (I cannot STAND people who treat waitstaff badly, and I’d skip meeting up on that reason alone!)

Ime people who loudly announce that they are An Empath (heavy emphasis on the capital E) tend to be narcissistic wankers.

People like this need to be told the truth so don’t feel bad.

Is Susan my mum 😂😂😂😂 hilarious! It’s frustrating when you try to help and be supportive but you eventually realise their in total denial of any of their own behaviour and could easily have things be different with the right support, but they chose to act like a victim and be horrible about 90% of people. YANBU x

10/10 agree

Also coming to say exactly the same thing! And often they seem to be training to become a therapist despite needing serious therapy themselves?! 😂

Sorry, was responding to this post!

I love your name @MichaelScottPaper 😂😂

Also ‘empath’ is not a real thing. Like ‘clairvoyant’ or any number of other airy-fairy head in the clouds woo bollocks that makes dense people feel slightly less dense - in their own fluffy minds at least.

It was probably a little unnecessary to laugh, however you can be forgiven in those circumstances.

The funny thing about self-described ‘empaths’ is that, while there are people who are unusually empathetic and sensitive to others’ feelings, they are the last people who would ever describe themselves as ‘empaths’ out loud.

Why are these people always "let's call her Susan"? No one is called Susan any more

<misses point>

I’ve known quite a few Susans of my age (mid 40s).

follows you down Digression Avenue