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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel let down by hospital care and my brother?

10 replies

Biggles27 · 24/07/2026 23:22

Sorry, this is a bit long Wednesday tea Dad has a strange turn - he’s unconscious and hard to wake up

After a while I realise something serious is going on and dial 999. Explained Dads unconscious and can’t really rouse him. They ask if he’s breathing - yes. Oh well it’s at least a 5 hour wait for ambulance wtf

Call dh who’s at a do at work. He immediately leaves but is an hour away

Meanwhile 999 call back and decide an unconscious 84 year old doesn’t warrant an ambulance and cancel it

By the time he gets to us Dad is now ok. Dad says to us I’ll see Doctor in morning - we say ok, stay another hour then leave as he seems ok

About an hour later he phones me saying don’t panic but I’ve just peed pure blood

We drop everything (we’re shopping in Tesco) and dash to him. We insist he goes to a&e

Get to a&e about 10pm. Triage, explain his evening - sent back to sit in waiting area

avout an hour later bloods and ecg

Loads that come in after us go in, then literally 10 mins later walk out hospital. I go and ask when he’ll be seen as it’s now well past midnight, Mum with dementia is home alone. You’re on the list, you’ll be seen in order of priority

At 4am when a&e is literally empty except for one lad with a cut we get called through

It’s a junior Doctor - thank God. She was super keen and asked me what happened. I explained and she said ok we’re still waiting on bloods but we’ll do xray and ct scan of his head as unexplained unconsciousness is odd

After xray and ct nurse says are you Mr Dad yeah, before you go back to waiting room I just need to rerun ecg and bloods - ecg abnormal and some of the bloods

He does this(takes a while as he’s called away a few times). We go to go back in waiting room and he calls us back, so sorry one of the earlier bloods has literally just come back unusual, need to repeat. So poor Dad has bloods a third time. Ok, back to waiting room. Get to door, get called back. Sit down, we just need to fill out this form then the Doctor wants a quick word. I know it’s an admittance form - Mum was admitted in May. Hmmmm

Then he gets taken to an examination room and asked to lie on the exam couch (one of those really thin hard ones)

Doctor comes in, tells him he’s had a brain bleed and he’s being admitted. It’s now 6am. Says another Doctor will talk to him about 9am

I dash home, tell everyone who needs to know and get dh to get to Mum

Brother asks if he needs to come! I said don’t bother till Doctors been as I’ll then know how long you need to come for

Other stuff happened but this is so long anyway and it’s not important to the aibu

10am Doctor turns up

She asks Dad what happened, he says ask my daughter, she says no, you tell what happened so he explained he thought he’d fallen asleep for 5 mins

She then says your Dad wasn’t unconscious he was just asleep. I argued with her and she kept repeating you don’t know what you saw he was simply asleep. A brain bleed causes a terrible headache and he didn’t have one. The fking ct shows he had a brain bleed. She says we’ll review the ct as they’ve probably made a mistake

A few hours later brother has turned up not knowing all this and just sits around moaning how tired he is as I woke him up and he’d had to drive the whole hour to be with his Dad. I’ve not slept in over 24 hours 🤷

Nurse comes in and says Dad needs to go for MRI

Has MRI told it’ll be an hour or less to get results

Three hours later still no results and day staff are all going home. Nurse comes in, Dads still on examination couch, complains of sore bum, gets examined - he has a pressure sore - I ask to be moved to an appropriate bed immediately- I’ve asked several times & been told there’s no where else to put him. Repeat no other bed available. I’m now 40 hours on no sleep so no head space to argue

Doctor comes in with her handbag on and carrying her briefcase. Says oh the mri has found you’ve had a brain bleed and a stroke. We can’t treat the stroke as you’ve got cerebral amyloid angiopathy and that can cause brain bleeds, but you can go home and walks out

In shock we leave the hospital. - mentally & physically exhausted. I drive everyone home - brother too tired to drive - bless him (sarcasm)

This morning I take Mum to her gp appt. Dad gets taken out by brother to buy a new part for the loo as it’s not working as brother didn’t want to pay for it - I didn’t know this otherwise I’d have stopped it

They eventually get back. Brother has taken Dad to help him get stuff from his storage unit. Says he hasn’t got time to fix the loo as he needs to make a list of his games as he’s selling them and needs to get home as his step daughters are coming - next weekend, not tomorrow - a week tomorrow

I in the meantime organise mums Fortisip to the fridge as there’s none in there, reorde as they’re running outr, fed everyone, unpacked Dads stuff from the hospital, organised dinner for the weekend (we were going to go shopping Thursday which obvs didn’t happen), reorganised my Gp appt id had to cancel yesterday, liase with everyone that needs to know about Dad and organise emergency plumber for that afternoon

Get a phone call - bring him up the hospital now, it’s urgent

Cancel my gp appt again (to do with my bloods), brother is still pissing about with his games and rush Dad up hospital

We sit for over 2 hours

We want to explain your test results - explains what we already know and we need to see stroke specialist on Tuesday, an hour away at 9am oh freakin joy

Brothers had to hold on as dh at work - brother has been given compassionate leave btw - it’s not holiday

Dad says he’ll take us out for dinner to say thank you. DH late home from work - traffic. Brothers getting twitchy and asks if we can go and DH meet us there. I call DH and he says he’s on his way from the house as he had to go via house to check on dog

He walks in with our daughter who lives 4 hours away He’d picked her up from train station and train had been delayed. She’s got an open return and will stay as long as needed

We go out for dinner, get back ask brother to out kettle on - he can’t, he needs to get home

Oh and when they got the mri results of a stroke as well as a brain bleed I said so he was unconscious - she said no, he was just asleep, the stroke happened some other time. Today they said the stroke happened in the last 7 days …!

aibu - the medical staff did there best and brother has his own lidmfe

yanbu - you should’ve been listened to and told in a much better way and brother needs to grow up?

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 24/07/2026 23:31

A and e is a shit show at the moment.

friend of mine had a heart attack and got a pace maker fitted without ever getting a bed on a ward and she spent 24 hours on a chair in a and e waiting to be seen.

Thingcanonlygetbetter · 24/07/2026 23:34

How your brother wasn’t in A&E with a stab wound I don’t know.
OP that all just sounds horrendous. Dear love you, I don’t know how you functioned with no sleep for so long. I don’t know how some of the medical profession are just not embarrassed at themselves. Hope it gets better soon for you. No doubt your parents will recognise all your efforts and will reward you with their full inheritance in years to come, leaving your brother nothing.

Thingcanonlygetbetter · 24/07/2026 23:35

Who is voting this woman is unreasonable?

24Dogcuddler · 24/07/2026 23:37

Sadly all very familiar. Communication is shocking in hospitals and there aren’t enough staff.
As you’ve been so thorough you could use some of the info to complain to PALS at the hospital.
Sounds like a really stressful ordeal for all of you especially your Dad.

Biggles27 · 24/07/2026 23:45

Octavia64 · 24/07/2026 23:31

A and e is a shit show at the moment.

friend of mine had a heart attack and got a pace maker fitted without ever getting a bed on a ward and she spent 24 hours on a chair in a and e waiting to be seen.

Gosh, I’m so very sorry

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 24/07/2026 23:50

I’m sorry. Hospitals are dire sometimes.

your brother is a dick.

Your dad is amazing though, going through all that and then feeling up to taking you to dinner?

Biggles27 · Yesterday 00:00

AppleKatie · 24/07/2026 23:50

I’m sorry. Hospitals are dire sometimes.

your brother is a dick.

Your dad is amazing though, going through all that and then feeling up to taking you to dinner?

Dad’s a strange one! He refuses to accept his limitations. He’s beaten significant cancers twice, despite poor odds. He’s a fighter. He didn’t want me cooking tonight

We went to a place where they know our order as soon as we walk in!!!!!! But we tip well - but service is excellent. He was happy and rn I’m all about doing what makes him happy

OP posts:
HumberSquid · Yesterday 00:02

YANBU (of course)

I know you are exhausted and emotionally wrung out but please, find a little anger and complain to PALS. And the ambulance service.

Your brother sounds like a total waste of skin lost cause.

TheyGrewUp · Yesterday 00:08

Next time just say this short sentence. "Thank you for telling me that, we'll be staying here until we have spoken to the clinical lead, I need a second opinion".

Vis a vis your brother - he's as much use as a chocolate teapot and I wouldn't bother with him next time. For making your dad go out to pay for the bog part, I'm surprised you aren't already in Holloway.

Complain - and copy your MP.

whippersnapper55 · Yesterday 12:08

Sounds like a nightmare and your brother is a selfish arse! I hope you get some rest soon, it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate 😳 glad that your daughter has come to give some support 💐

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