AIBU to stay an hour away from husband's family holiday?

[simbina]

My husband’s extended family have a tradition of going to a seaside town every year. They all stay at cousin’s holiday home. There’s no room for DH and I.

Traditionally, DH shared with his younger brother. Twice, we’ve rented another cottage in the town. But it’s really expensive and honestly not that nice.

We prefer an area about an hour’s drive away. AIBU to push with DH that we book our own cottage an hour from the rest of the family and spend a couple of days of the week together? For context we live all over the globe so this is the one week “together” but equally we have very limited annual leave.

Would you actually spend much time in the nicer place? Wouldn't you be getting up driving an hour, spending the day and then driving an hour back? Seems a lot of driving, so wouldn't it be easier to stay in the same place or at least within a 20 min drive?

Also would the family not be annoyed if you stayed that far away?

How would the rest of the family feel about this? Whilst it doesn’t sound unreasonable, what politics are at play ?

Why go at all? It doesn't sound like you enjoy it. Why not start a new tradition just the 2 of you? Or second choice, let him go alone.

That sounds like a good compromise. You can all meet up,, but you will be more comfortable and likely to enjoy your holiday more. Your dh can spend as much time with his family if he wants.

I think this sounds like a decent plan. Work out what days to go over there, set out early those days, then have your own holiday the rest of the time. They can hardly complain you're not prioritising them, when you've not been allowed space to stay in the main holiday house.

If this is the only time you see them, agree to do to a different place you'll all be happy with. An hour there and back is a lot of time you're missing out on being together, which makes a big difference.

Depends if you’re prioritising a holiday time away for the two of you, or him spending time with his extended family. Do you get any other holiday time the two of you? Could you stay nearby for 4 days and then a few days just you two anywhere else? Staying an hour away for the whole time, and just seeing them for a couple of days seems a bit lacklustre. Stay closer for some of the time and then take holiday properly by yourselves.

It seems an odd sort of a compromise.

As others have said, it means you are spending 2 hours a day travelling to them and back, which seems an odd way to spend your holiday.

Why not say "We're struggling with Annual Leave and can only come for 3 days this year"
or
Go alternate years.

I wouldn't want to spend limited AL returning to the same place each year, even more so if it was a place I didn't like. However, I wouldn't tie myself down to somewhere an hour away then travelling in to see them several times.

Seems fair enough if the rest of the family enjoys free accommodation, whilst you have to pay a fortune to stay somewhere you don’t particularly enjoy. As it’s DHs family maybe offer him the option to stay over one night if he’s still able to share the room and you drive back to the other place so he can spend a bit more time with his family.