Should I take this 3 week work opportunity considering everything going on at home?

[Elenari]

I'm really torn about this...... so I wanted some outside opinions

I'm in my mid 40s and I work in the art world for a gallery...... my job involves meeting clients traveling to exhibitions and auctions and helping collectors

Recently one of my long time clients asked if I could travel with him for work, it would be 1 week in Italy helping him with his art collection and then another 2 weeks in Germany assisting him during an auction where he wants to sell part of his collection

The pay is really good probably more than I would normally make in that amount of time...... and honestly it would also be amazing for networking and could help my career in the future
The thing making this difficult is my home situation My husband had a really bad accident about 7 months ago he went through multiple surgeries and for a long time things were very difficult thankfully he's recovering now but he's still on bed rest and still needs a lot of help with day to day things I'm basically his caregiver I take him to appointments help him around the house and manage pretty much everything

We have 3 kids they're 16 14 and 11, Right now I'm also the primary breadwinner my husband has passive income so we're financially comfortable. we're not desperate for the money...... but at the same time the more I can earn the better and this opportunity would bring in a really nice amount
Trip would start in the second week of August I haven't even told my husband about it yet because I honestly don't know if I should even consider saying yes. I don't know if leaving for 3 weeks is selfish or if it's just part of balancing work and life

If I did decide to go I know I'd need to arrange help at home. maybe family maybe professional caregivers maybe a combination of both. but I don't know if that's
enough

Sorry my phone skipped the last paragraph.

You need to look into arranging care for everyone before you can commit to this really.

How sensible/independent are your children? How do they get along?

Read the OP -edit - you edited as I was writing!

the children are basically old enough to look after themselves with an adult in the house and she will bring in family and/or professional carers also

the cost of that might wipe out your increased pay

But the opportunities that might arise and the break away from home would be good for you

depending where you are going and how much work - is there any chance the kids could come out for a week ?

You need to speak to your husband and come up with a plan. You should do it, and he should support you but he does need care, so that needs discussing alongside child care

My kid's are Good to each other, Older one is boy he is mature enough handle thing's and second one is girl She is just like me, so they are not my worry, It's my younger One....He is pain in ass,

Also my husband health is my concern.

So for My work I have travel italy for first and other 2 weeks in Germany, Somewhere country side. I would be busy and taking kid's demand time away from my work

How long will he need this level of care for? Does he need personal care or help moving about or is it more about fatigue and he can do personal care safely and independently but not all of day to day life all of the time?

You will burn out as a carer in the long term if you don't have space from time to time - that looks different for different people.

I'd say this is an excellent opportunity to discuss how things like this can work and aim to manage it as a test for how your future is going to look.

What do you need to make it work? Even if it costs you money, is it worth it for the career enhancement? It sounds like it.

Could you also go just for one week or two weeks if three is too much? Or come home in the middle for a few days?

He can take medicine, eat himself. He can walk but yeah need someone to hold him that's all

Usually I give him shower weekly twice since he can't move back or fexliable, that's all

First it's for my career, This client is very important and there are two events there so it's great opportunity for networking

Second, ofc Money, also i could bulid more relationship with new clients in Germany, you know auctions are best way to connect to other collecters

Also I'm not going work for a gallery, it's for a client, i will be staying at there place and it's my work place for 3 weeks soo i don't have to spend money for hotel or my food

Honestly it's busy work so I have to comittee for 3 weeks, But it's worthy

Doesn’t seem much point looking into it until you talk to your husband.

If he’s supportive it’s about figurine out the practicalities. If he’s not - I think it’s fair t for him to say right now I need you.

If I were in your position I would move heaven and earth to make this happen.
The situation your husband is in is awful, but seven months of working and being his carer is a lot. If you must, justify it as a ‘sanity break’ with the added bonus that you will be rewarded for it.

My friend’s husband is in a very similar situation. He managed to cope with looking after himself - alone - and their large dog for 3 weeks while she went to a family wedding in New Zealand.

You aren’t going on holiday - you have this opportunity to improve your financial and mental security. For your entire family, grasp it firmly.

Go. You may be overthinking all of the reasons you shouldn't go, but your husband and children may be more supportive than you imagine. Talk to them, tell them how much you want to take the opportunity, and go from there.

Then plan to go.

Look into care options - does DH need to go into respite care, can he manage at home with carers coming in 2/3/4 times per day, a physiotherapist a couple of times a week, what childcare cover do you need, can they go to another family member in between, can a family member move in to help or just share the load with other people?

Go.
His family and the kids can chip in to help given there ages.
Husband can let you live im sure.

Yes you should go - start planning for it now.

There’s lots you can do in advance to make it easier - batch cook meals, ask family what they can offer in terms of help, then fill the gaps with professional carers?

Please don't pass up an opportunity like this. Hire carers and have family help out. It's 3 weeks, not 3 months. You'd possibly feel resentful in the long term to give up such a great career oppotunity. It's not like you're taking off to go on a holiday with your mates which could wait.

For the youngest child who is a pain in the ass, could you put him into an activity of some kind during the time you're away so he doesn't drive everyone else crazy and is entertained for at least several hours a day?

If I put myself in your position, I know my husband would encourage me to go and I would do the same for him. If anything I would be concerned if my husband asked me not to go and do something like this just to stay home to give him a shower and run the household when carers/family could step in for the short time to make it happen.

I would only go if you can draft in e.g. your DM or your MIL or someone capable to help out and do the 'you' role at home while you're away. Do you have anyone who could step in and do that? I wouldn't be leaving three kids home alone in the school holidays with a dad on bed rest - that's not fair on anyone. I get that this is a great opportunity for you and I totally understand you wanting to take it, but you have responsibilities that you can't just step away from for three weeks.

Surely there will be breaks during these three weeks. Can you ask two days off every week and you fly home then. It's only a couple of hours away at most.

It’s a no brainer that you should go. Make the necessary arrangements, discuss with your husband - even if you break even in terms of money, it will be a worthwhile experience and good for your career. DO IT, you’ll always regret it and be resentful about it otherwise

Do you think this is a one -off opportunity
? If so I think you would regret not taking it. But yes I can see you might feel awkward leaving your husband in his condition with 3 kids around on summer holiday..I can't help you with this. Good luck OP 😊

I would jump at the chance. Your life got turned upside down 7 months ago and you’ve probably spent all of this time on autopilot. If this was my situation and my husband, I know he would be practically pushing me out of the door to finally get some rest. If you can sort out the care, do it.

i know it’s a work trip and not a jolly but having that physical distance may help you finally switch off

I’d definitely go. Opportunities like this don’t come round every day and it’s only 3 weeks. Try to outsource help if you can from family or others. The kids and their dad will be fine.

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