AIBU to feel frustrated with my siblings after Mum’s diagnosis?

[Ughandmoreugh]

Name changed for this.
Ok where to start, sorry it might be a long one.
So about 2 months ago my Mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given 2.5years (maybe more, maybe less) to live, this has obviously devastated our family.
I have 6 siblings, 2 older brothers, a younger brother and 3 younger sisters (bro, bro, me, sis— age gap— bro, sis, sis).
us older 4 are all aged in our 30s.
now to the issue, obviously since the diagnosis we have all been spending more time together as a family, but i am getting to a point where i really dislike my siblings (the older 30s group), we don’t normally spend much time together the odd visit couple times a year and texts is generally how we stay in touch.
My younger sister has recently (beginning of the year) split with her husband because he was “abusive” - yes in “” -thats a whole other story and has gone off the rails imo- started smoking weed again all day and drinking herself silly every night owes various family members relatively large amounts of money- she has 2 young kids and during our recent family outing was going off to smoke weed and drinking (in the day) and trying to fob of the kids on anyone else- including my 11year old DD.
My eldest brother recently received (and myself) some money from our uncle to “do some things with our Mum and make some memories for everyone” it was given to my brother and me because we “are the most responsible with money” but he has basically guilted my mum into letting him use the money to buy a car.
and my other older brother has recently gotten back with his abusive ex and brought her along to our family outing, along with her daughter and a friend and they (the gf and daughter) were also getting pissed, he arrived over an hour late and was the first to leave.
this is just a few examples of why they are really disappointing me.
AIBU to find this really annoying and think they should get their sh’t together?

YANBU but I think for the sake of your Mum and family harmony you are going to have to do a lot of biting your tongue and saying nothing.

Just bite your tongue for her, you don’t have to speak to them when she’s no longer here. That’s what we did when MIL had terminal cancer, bit our tongues and smiled through to keep MIL free from stress and then went no contact. Don’t regret it she even gave us her blessing to go no contact when she was no longer here just wanted us to get along while she was!

Oh no i have definitely been biting my tongue and wouldn’t say anything to cause issues for future family get togethers.
@Noidontwantyourcrapnewsletter its not that we weren’t close its just that we didn’t meet up all together regularly, but i would say we all speak to each other a few times a week.

??

Organise things that don’t need everyone there all the time. You can all spend good time with your mum without being together all the time. I’m sorry for your uncle, he’ll be so disappointed.

I would definately tell your uncle about your brothers manipulation so that he doesnt think you were in on it. I would also expect the shit to hit the fan after your mum passes away and the assets are up for grabs, as they have all behaved so poorly and selfishly now in this precious last time she has left - I would not expect better or different once she has gone. Perhaps encourage her to get her will in place so her wishes are followed to the T.

I do see my mum separately but obviously with so many family members its easier for her to see everyone at the same time rather than someone one day and someone else the next, she is also doing aggressive chemo so is obviously tired and having one day where she gets to see everyone is less tiring than seeing everyone individually, plus its what she wants to do so i can bite my tongue for the day but i just get so angry after each meet up.

Look plan nice activities with the remaining cash if its enough for a car its a decent amount..
Be tactical and bite your tongue and let things slide

On be practical
Eg

• take your kids and nieces and nephews out (side stepping your useless sister) on a nice day somewhere kid friendly and take lots of nice pics.
• Organise a brunch (less or no booze)
• Do easter egg hunt/ child centred type things
• christmas Tickets to a nice show (everyone is silent!)

He has split the money so i have half and brother has half, i am using my half to book a day out at the zoo for everyone.
She has a husband (not us older 4 dad) and i expect everything will go to him and my youngest siblings after she passes so thankfully there will be no vultures swooping in.

I wouldn’t do too many group activities, maybe one a month.
Am a mom I would like more intimate gatherings with my kids if my time was limited rather than a ‘circus’.

Well, you're going to have to find a way of dealing with that, whether it's aggressive exercise, punching a pillow, gardening, drugs or therapy!

I generally have a moan to OH and it passes, but its so tiring being on a nice day out and getting these pangs of irritation all day- obviously i wouldn’t say anything i would in no way want to ruin my mums day- but honestly even she has been noticing/ getting a bit irritated by some of their behaviour.

@Whoops75 yes she has asked to see me and my kids by ourselves, i assume she will be doing the same with my other siblings, but she likes the big family events aswell.

How expensive is the zoo that is the same price as a car!

It will be towards a car but there is 20+ of us including grandkids and partners.

The brother hasn’t been given enough money to buy a car outright but he is putting the money, however much it is, towards a car.