I’m not really sure what I’m looking for here haha… maybe perspective, maybe just somewhere to get this out??
I am 29F and for the last year I’ve felt like I’ve slowly lost myself. I’ve always been a bit insecure, but last year I felt more confident. I am naturally very slim, I did parkrun every week, I felt like myself.
Then over the last year things have changed. I’ve been struggling with extreme bloating and I’m currently having investigations for it. My stomach feels heavy and uncomfortable all the time, and I’ve gained weight. I’ve had to sell clothes and buy new ones because things don’t fit anymore. I’ve also now got a double chin which sounds silly, but it has really affected my confidence.
I feel gross about my appearance at the moment. My hair looks awful because getting it done is expensive! My skin is really oily and textured, I hate my eyebrows, I’m insecure about my lips… basically I feel like I’m constantly picking myself apart.
The frustrating thing is I am trying. I’m in therapy, I’ve tried exercising (I joined a run club), I’ve tried making friends and pushing myself socially. But I still feel rubbish most days. Running has become difficult because my stomach feels so heavy, and I’ve DNF’d parkrun twice this year. I don’t even like going on walks because I end up overthinking and I find them quite boring!
My boyfriend is lovely and supportive, but I feel like he’s having to reassure me constantly. I can’t help but feel like he’s disappointed in me, even though he hasn’t said that. We’re still affectionate and close, but our intimacy has basically disappeared because I don’t feel comfortable or sexy in my body anymore.
On top of that, I’m struggling financially and ended up quite far into my overdraft this month, which has just added to the feeling that everything is falling apart.
I feel so frustrated because I’m trying to improve things but nothing seems to change. I don’t want to feel like this forever. I miss feeling confident and like myself.
Does anyone have any tips? Has anyone else gone through a period where they felt like they’d lost themselves?….