To move closer to “home”?

[MoveOnPlease]

I am about to be a single mum to two preschoolers. I currently live one hour away from the local city, and my family and friends live two hours away on the other side. It’s fairly rural there with one big town. In my career, it’s likely I’ll need to be on site 2-3 days a week, perhaps with occasional travel further afield.

I am in two minds about whether to move to where my friends and family are, or to prioritise being closer to work to reduce my travel time.

AIBU to move to where my friends and family are, even if it’s likely to mean DC will need to be in childcare or with family for 2-3 very long days a week?

I think it depends massively on what childcare support you have where you currently are?. If none or limited it would make sense to move home as you will need a village as they say to enable you to work

Depends how solid the childcare plans are.

and whether the is one or two backups

Absolutely nothing where I am or nearer to the city. At home I’d have my mother, who is keen to help but still works full time and provides care for her own elderly parents, and various friends I could call on in emergencies but not for regular support. So not much, but more than zero.

Realistically the options are paid, wraparound childcare in either location. My mother would probably do one day of wraparound a week, maybe more when she retires, but she’s not in great health so I wouldn’t rely on it.

If family aren’t in a position to provide much childcare, I’d prioritise your proximity to work and more time with your DC on weekdays. A long commute is wearing and, realistically, how much will you actually see family and friends during the week and thus benefit from them being close by if you’re working and commuting long hours, and they’re doing similarly? Three hours isn’t an insurmountable drive to do e.g. every other weekend to visit, and actually gives the opportunity for meaningful time to spend with each other.

I’d argue a three hour drive with toddlers isn’t something to do regularly!

There’s no point in staying where I am. A third option would be to move between the city and the “home” area, so I’d be about an hour from each, but that seems pointless as I’d still be using wraparound childcare and no family help.