To be fed up of ‘friend’s’ mumbling

[hatemumbling]

I occasionally go out in a small group of friends, and there is one woman who is always saying really quiet things under her breath. In the car, when out and about, at anytime. But it’s so low it makes me wonder sometimes if I am hearing it right or if i am imagining it!

Last time we went out I heard her say her call me stupid in mumbles when I suggested we did a certain thing. She is constantly criticising me in low tones, I heard her mumble because I got x menus for the table for people to share, rather than one each for everyone (they were very large menus). But to be honest the mumbling and criticism is pretty much continuous.

I mentioned it to another friend but he said he doesn’t notice it, but he does have bad hearing and can’t hear certain tones. It’s so low it’s like she’s verbalising her inner thoughts.

But I find it annoying and uncomfortable. I have been out with her several times and it’s happened a lot, I’ve just put up with it and ignored it, but now I don’t want to go out with her again.

It’s strange as when she talks normally she’s nice and pleasant, but the mumbling feels passive aggressive at this point.

I think if she is not bringing anything positive to your life, then you should withdraw. I had a friend who only talked about herself, would stop me mid sentence if I was talking as what she wanted to say was more important. When I looked back over our text messages, she never asked how I was. It was always about her and her child. This year she didn't even wish me a happy birthday. Our
birthdays are a few days apart. I did message her on hers and she said thank you. I decided then I would not bother contacting her again. Life is too short for shit friendships.

Call her out on it and loudly say "Didn't quite catch that, can you speak up so we can all hear you" every time.

Or say ‘sorry, I thought you called me stupid then, what did you actually say?’

every time.

I’d say pardon loudly every time. Every single time. She’ll stop.

“Speak up Sally, nobody can understand your mumbling. If you’re going to continue mumbling won’t be any point inviting you out next time!”

Not getting enough menus for the table because they're "too big" would annoy me, tbf!

Don't ignore it. Ask her to repeat herself. Turn the attention on her every time she mumbles insults.

Sorry I couldn’t be friends with someone like that.

They were large enough that two people sitting next to each other could look at the same one, they were about A2 size…

Would you mumble about it though?

This would be my approach. She's being rude and passive aggressive. Call her out on it like this.

Completely normal thing we do when out in a group- no need for one each especially when often, they're almost the size of half the table 😅

It is passive aggressive. You could say so to her directly.

As others have said call her out. “What are you mumbling about now Charlene?”. Or make up something absolutely absurd that you believe she said - “you want kangaroo for dinner Sheila? It’s not on the menu you daft sausage!”

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Can you say it again?" - EVERY TIME.

But YANBU to withdraw. She sounds a bit two-faced and hard work.

Also, if she wanted one for herself she could have got up and picked one up.

It's tricky with it being a group as I'd want to avoid her but not lose the other group members. I think the drawing attention to it and asking her to speak up every time is the next best thing. It's a really horrible habit she's got.

How are you still considering her to be your friend - she is so horrible to you and no-one deserves that? She might be a member of a group you spend time with but she is no friend. Can you just practice being indifferent to her, she is not your friend so stop believing she is and continue having a good time with the other people you like.

Don’t call her out, don’t be passive aggressive towards her, other group members will feel that response and it will come back on you. You can say “sorry Nora, I only partially heard that, can you repeat that” once in a while but too much of that you will start to be seen as the problem.

As PP have said, just say you couldn't quite hear her and ask her to repeat it.

Also consider - is there any chance that this isn't a case of her mumbling, but that your hearing is starting to fail? I found people miraculously spoke much more clearly once I got hearing aids!