Why does summer never go as I envision it to?

[AnyonehatefliesasmuchasIdo]

I always look forward to it, I plan so many fun ideas for my Dc and I, mixed with seeing friends and family and days out. We have nice times, but also so many hard days with Dc just wanting to watch Youtube or play on the ipad
I know i’m very fortunate to be off over the summer and feel so guilty but maybe saving and booking clubs for summer would be better next year.
I remember loving my summers as a child

Anyone else have similar?

What do the rows look like OP? Do you give in and allow screen time in the end?

I don't mean to be patronising, I know some kids are trickier than others.

But generally, with most kids, if you set a limit like an hour or two a day, and stick to it rigidly every day, no compromises, then eventually the rows will lessen because kids learn where the boundary is and stop trying to move it.

If you are sometimes giving in then they don't know where the boundary is so they will push and push.

We do so much, sometimes you just want a break from driving somewhere, paying money, just a day at home

First few days of little to no screens will be like this. She will probably need some time to adjust to the new normal. Once she realises screens are not an option she should be able to find things to do.

I had to detox my kids from screens after covid and it was hard at first. After a while they didn't care about screens anymore. They have now have 45 min a day but on some days don't watch anything at all.

I know the feeling. DC1 is 9...(DC2 is a toddler, so quite happy just pottering about). We're off camping next weekend, but he's not been keen to do much at home. He plays online with his best friend, which is fine...generally. We go and visit friends, have people over, or try and go places (even if it's just a walk to McDonald's to get some ice cream...takes about 30 minutes,...or to the actual ice cream shop, which takes about the same amount of time.)
Today, I've made him do drawing with DC2 (works for about 30 minutes before the two of them have a row), water the garden, and we'll go on a bike ride later on.
He spends a few hours in the pool on the days when it's warm enough, too...but it isn't at the moment. We've got about 2 weeks of our summer break left.

I hadn’t set a time limit for the holidays but will. During school time and weekends it’s different as obviously she’s all day at school, then clubs some nights and dog walk, sometimes food shop, playing with friends. By the time we’re in, it’s only a short time and I don’t mind tv then

It’s ok to not have stuff to do all the time. Kids need a chill. Even if that’s with the tv or iPad. The question you need to ask is does it affect her? Does it make her low/ sad/ rude/ ignorant? If so, then yes change it. If not- whats the harm! People talk about a 90s summer as if we weren’t watching Disney videos and SMTV day time kids tv for large chunks of time. As long as there’s a mix and she’s totally zoned out- don’t worry.

I just feel sad I suppose that she seems to be losing the ability to just play as she used to. She’d spend hours pottering around, with toys, games, dressing up, making books

Yeah I think if you are bothered by it then you need to set a limit and enforce it, no negotiation. That is the only way to stop them asking all the time.

I don’t mind age appropriate tv at all, but she begs for Youtube crap and even sneaks it or begs to play games on the phone. I am strict with it, but Dh isn’t and I’ve noticed the more she has access to it, the worse she gets

You've mentioned your own childhood a few times, I think you need to let go of any idea that she might have a similar childhood and accept that your child is different. Arrange activities based on who she is and what she needs to enjoy her holidays.

She doesn't seem to want to do crafts at home anymore, even if she did in the past. She's growing up, she's not going to want to do the same things she used to when younger. You might have to arrange more activities outside the home or arrange to have her friends over more often.

So long as she's getting some physical activity each day and she is doing other stuff throughout the day, then I don't see the problem with her spending a few hours quietly on her own watching tv, without interruption. Have time limits. Some kids need something like this to unwind.

If you provide a young child with an iPad of course they’ll want to be on it they have no self control. Take that away or bin it or have extremely clear criteria for earning access to it eg read a book and do some exercise and do a chore

I hear you OP. It's bloody depressing seeing them on screens all day/completely addicted. We used to have to do a ' thing ' i.e an activity in the morning then screen time or it takes over. The sad thing is the more they're on it the more they want/can't settle to anything else 😪 My kids are older teens now and better at self regulation thankfully. Keep trying!!

I feel the same but am trying to relax about it - my dc is 7 and we are only on the first full day of summer hols here. I am also off all summer.
Yesterday afternoon, she had a friend round and they spent hours splashing around in the hot tub, I did food and drink, and we went to the park for a bit.
This morning we went blackberry picking for an hour then came back and made a crumble (had already planned this), Dd played in the garden for a bit and has watched tv on and off for the rest of the day (& she’s been up since 6.20am which she will probably do for the whole summer). Doesn’t want to do anything else at the moment (I’ve offered to go out, crafts, painting etc). But it’s only her first full day so she wants to chill after busy term at school.
It can drag tho OP, I totally understand.
It’s such a flip, from working term-time & school etc, to suddenly having 6 weeks off to fill and not necessarily loads of money to do a lot of stuff with. It takes some adjusting to!

My 7 year old would happily stay on screens all day if I let her. For this reason she still has a limit set on her tablet. I know she's about to hit that time shortly and no doubt she'll grumble about it. I find getting out with them in the morning and then chores means it's lunchtime before they even think about a screen. They still have limits on their tablets set and I hide the TV buttons so the temptation isn't there. We've been off since last week and I'm now beginning to find them reverting to none screen stuff. DS5 was whinging half an hour ago about being bored. I brought his lego down and put it on the living room floor. I didn't make any song or dance about it and walked away. Guess what he's playing with now? It's hard work when they whinge or strop about but the constant redirecting them is starting to pay off. Plus threats about weeding and cleaning helps them to find something else to do haha!

Yup agree with PP we both work so have to schedule quite a lot but also have lots of PJ Days on the calendar! Then if you’re expecting everyone to do nothing it’s a bonus if they are up for a walk or something in the afternoon.

Were the summers you loved heavily parented or with friends? I’ve always found my kid loves clubs etc in the summer and it’s her friends her inner life revolves around. Either way, get them off YouTube, it’s brain rot! Games maybe less so as at least they’re not passive.

Ok first get on the same page with DH. Then keep to your rules - she might cry at first but then she will learn the limits. Do not give more screen time. Give her chess or puzzles games if she has the phone. Try to prefer console games like the first party Nintendo ones that aren’t mind rotting. Take her to buy the books she wants or to the library. Model that reading is a thing everyone in the family does not just her. I’m sorry but fighting about screen time? Just walk away. Don’t budge. Teach her it’s not a worthy use of her time to try and argue about it.

You should flip it in one day- tell her all she's allowed to do is to be on YouTube

Read 'The Anxious Generation ' it's bloody depressing re what screens are doing to our kids.
Stick with it OP you're doing the right thing - i do remember how hard it is - easier to give in but don't!

Strict hours for screen time and don't budge. When they know they're not getting near a screen for another six hours or something, they'll get over it and try other things.

Tbh im exhausted with just reading all the activities you listed out, never mind doing them.

Maybe its ok to let her have a bit more screen time than tou would like. She is growing up she wont play the way she used to when she was a small kid.

I found between 8 and 10 was such a big growth spurt time for my DD she was exhausted and just wanted to laze about. It soon passes.

I know its easy to be nostalgic for our own childhoods, being out all day, on the go with our friends, feeling like every day was a sunny adventure. But half the time we were actually bored off our tits we just didnt have devices etc at the time to stave the boredom. And its no good complaining about them, you and your husband gave her the device in the first place!

Echoing everyone saying you need to stick with it and clearly enforce the boundaries. I was quite strict and hate whinging, so I had an additional rule that any pestering me would result in taking away the screen time. I had some tantrums and hellish afternoons the first couple of times, then they learnt. Years of easy parenting after that, so totally worth it.

Once that’s been properly ingrained, you can relax the rules and have the odd afternoon of all screens and they see it as a real treat.

Also, I allow extra screen time for things I want to do with them (watch a movie of my choice, play a console game I like - I quite like the interactivity of a game vs the passivity of tv).

And yes, let her be bored. That’s how they randomly find something to do. As long as she’s not hassling you about the screens, it’s fine.