Stepfather here 28. My asian wife is 42. My eldest stepdaughter is 22. This is not to do with age gaps. I helped my stepdaughter financially well since she lives in a poor country compared to UK. I paid her expenses food, rent etc for months. As she was looking for work and they have no real benefit system. Long story short she dated an ex before who was very rude to me. She told me she was doing fwb with him and I told her please don't get back with him because of what he did to me. I said date anyone you want but him. Of course she now is dating the ex boyfriend despite me saying but him. After all the help and love I have this is how I am awarded. So I cut her off completely financially and emotionally. Now she and him are broke and using loan sharks and money from my wife. I told her I will help again when you leave him. I know this is controlling but it's only for him not other situations and I feel I have a right given I what he did to me. He controls her and she can't leave the house unless he comes with her. My wife supports my descion too. My question is have I gone too far should I let her date him even though he was horrible to me what if things go further how can I see him as part of the family?