Aibu to walk away

[Depletedandstuck]

NC for this.

Experiencing walking on eggshells for about 2 years, dealing with constant mood swings and bad attitude/ coldness. Things in the house being broken. 10 months ago the violence escalated, the first big attack was in public and someone phoned the police. Since that there’s been at least 8 attacks. The police have been involved about 4 times but nothing has been done by them. Even when knife was pulled.

There is suspected neurodiversity and was in the process of assessments but disengaged.

Won’t engage in therapy or have any conversations that amount to any accountability.

I feel I’m at the point of walking away.

What is stopping you?

The time for walking away was 2 years ago. Now is the time to run.

You need to run before this lunatic potentially kills you.

What if this is my 14 DC?

Then you need to make it clear to whatever services that you refuse to house them, because you are afraid for your life. And mean it.

I assumed it was your child from the OP.

Is this your child or your partner? If it’s the latter ask yourself if a friend cane to you and said what you said what would you say?
If it’s your child (what age?) that’s something entirely different.

So this is your 14 year old child who has attacked you?

Bit of a drip op

You still need to get away. A 14-y-o will need alternative (to you) care. But it is clear clear clear that you can't continue to provide care to a person who is this violent towards you.

Have you had any social service involvement? Assessments? Is the child in school?

I hope someone will come along on this thread who can suggest an organisation as a starting point for helping you manage this awful situation.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2026-07-22/boy-charged-with-murdering-mother-in-alleged-bentley-stabbing/106941648

You need to get professional help. This was in the headlines this week in Australia. Mother killed by her 16 year old son. He also stabbed his sister.

It says 14.

Tell social services you want them to remove the child for your safety and any other children’s safety

ND is ZERO excuse!

Police been involved, closed all cases. Social worker involvement after the knife incident. School involved. Targeted Early Help since December. Fought for CAMHS support for over 2 years. Now they are offering DBT soon.
I don’t know whether it’s too late anymore.
Sorry for the drip feed. I wouldn’t put up with a relationship like this but I feel so stuck.

I knew this was about a child/teen.

Hugs OP. It’s hard.

There is just no help out there for people in these situations.

Do you have younger children in your house

No just me at home.
After the last arrest, they’ve decided they are staying with their grandma (my estranged mother) professionals trying to work to get them back home. But after weeks now, I don’t know if I want them actually back.

trigger warning. Difficult content

I've namechanged for this for obvious reasons. If anyone recognises me or my situation then please don't out me.

I live with a child who displays violent and challenging behaviours (aka VCB) towards me. My child is 12 and is PDA autistic/adhd/learning disabilities.
First of all I want you to know that you're not alone in this. It can be so incredibly isolating at times. I remember feeling like I was the only one to be experiencing these things. To put things in perspective I have armoured doors fitted on bedrooms in my house and in the past 6 weeks I have had fingers broken (ended up in A&E for that one) and have had to call the police because my DC smashed my banister spindles and then weaponized one.

Is your child accommodated under section 20? Basically that's when you voluntarily rescind care of your child to social services? As a minimum if your child is under S20 then they should be registered as a 'child in need' and should have care reviews. As part of the care review process they should be asking for your reviews. Targeted Early Help is the tier below this and while there is often a lot of stuff promised when your child is registered under Early Help, as it's by and large voluntary there is often very little available apart from signposting (aka fobbing off). Social services will always try their hardest to keep a child at home so be prepared to push hard on this and even say no.

Alternatively and possibly alongside, if you feel your child is at risk of admission into a tier 4 NHS mental health facility, then the dynamic support register (DSR) is another pathway that's potentially explorable. Essentially it's a pathway that aims to prevent admission into tier 4 services. There are often a lot of extra resources tied up with the DSR. Including the fact that the most extreme VCB is a qualifier for childrens continuing healthcare in it's own right. The fact that there havr been police calls reinforces this. You'll possibly be fobbed off about the DSR as well but if you feel this is something that could be a very real possibility for your child then parents are allowed to register their own child. You'll need to go through CAHMS for it.

This might sound really difficult to do because at the end of the day it's your child. I have found I have got more people to listen to me and not shove me off on another f!!!!!g parenting course when I changed the narrative and language I used to describe my child's behaviour. Things like 'saying bad things' became 'verbal abuse', I started being more specific about the language they used down to specific words and I started using language like 'donestic violence (because ateotd my child's actions are an act of DV- they often act with stated intent). I've also started taking pictures of the damage caused in the house (kicking through doors is a frequent occurrence hence the armoured doors).

Finally, did you know about Newbold Hope and the SEND VCB project closed group on Facebook? It's a group of like minded parents who all have lived experience. I've used it before to get opinions on things and ask specific questions.

Be firm with professionals and refuse to have him back for your own safety.

Is your mother safe??

For DSR the CYP needs a diagnosis of LD and/or ASD

CiN is also voluntary not statutory

I’ll try and cover the replies.

Already on a voluntary CiN,
We were going private for assessments but they are now refusing.
The section 20 wouldn’t work because it’s voluntary for the child and they could just refuse or runaway and because they’re 14 they have a say.

Tried with the doctor last year for a psych assessment as they present with more of a personality disorder to me but CAMHS didn’t do it.

Theres a lot of inner conflict for me as professionals keep saying you’re their mum you’ll always be there, it’s unconditional but I’ve been honest and said I’m getting to point I won’t be and it’s like I should feel shameful for that. I’ve experienced DV and had therapy for this and boundaries etc. -now I’m in this.