AIBU to think only I can define my teenage relationship?

[TheSignificanceOfNothing]

Met dh at 18 a month off my 19th birthday. married at 25. Great relationship and very happy. He hadn’t had any previous relationships and he didn’t ask about me so we never spoke about it.

Today I bumped into my ex from when I was 16-18.5

I was surprised to be recognised actually! We literally had a 3 min chat, dh walked out of the shop he had been in, I introduced him and we said bye. In the car he said ‘well he CLEARLY wasn’t a friend from college ?? It’s obvious a mile away something happened between you??’ I said well yes we dated through college and for a while after it wasn’t serious.

Apparently that is a serious relationship because it was 2.5 years. To me it wasn’t ? I was a teenager and it wasn’t something I ever really thought I should mention as seemed like insignificant teenage fun ?

AIBU to think that I get to classify exactly what a past relationship was ?

He was your boyfriend for two and a half years and you tried to tell DH he was just a friend? I'd be wondering what else you were lying to me about and why.

2.5 months maybe, 2.5 years… yeah No chance.

You just look like a minimiser or liar.

I agree with both of the previous posters. Define things as you like but if you’re inaccurate you look dodgy and people - like your husband - will think you’re lying.

When I introduced him I said he was a really
good friend when we were at college. I don’t know why that just was the first thing that came into my mind !

Makes it seem like your hiding something

yes I can see how it looks that way, but the truth is he’s not someone I’ve really thought about since then ? I was shocked that he even recognised me

I think what you said is the mature thing to say in public. IMO, it would be weird to say this is my ex boyfriend from college.

Something about your interaction immediately made it obvious there was more to it than friends. Eye contact, tone of voice, laughing. We weren’t there so only you know.

Just to get the conversation right:

-Your DH walks up, you say 'DH, this is Eric, a friend from college, Eric this is my husband'
-You both get in the car after and your DH says
'well he CLEARLY wasn’t a friend from college ?? It’s obvious a mile away something happened between you??’

If thats the case, I find your DHs reaction really odd. If he thought you had dated he could have just said 'Eric seems nice, did you two used to date?' You would have said yes, but not serious, and you might have chatted briefly and moved on. Why did he get so heightened about it? Friend/ex, surely it doesnt matter when you're just introducing them briefly?
Im aware thats not the point of your thread but I find your DHs reaction really odd, I dont think if you bump into an ex with your new partner there's an expectation that you say 'this is someone i dated' while you're all stood there.

Is he more confused as to why you've never mentioned him before maybe? I guess it seems a bit unusual to me that you are married and you've never spoken about past relationships but as you didnt really consider it a serious thing I do sort of get it. Unless DH has asked you in the past and you said you'd never had a boyfriend or something.
Interesting one! But yes, surely its up to you what it was!

Both Dh and I dated people for the 2 years we were in sixth form (we did not attend the same one) and at the time it was huge, he was at that point, the love of my life. Now if I compare that to how I feel about Dh then it is worlds apart but seriously, that man has never entered your head in all those years? Never once? Come on.

Dh and I are honest that we both had lovely boyfriend/girlfriends at that time in our lives and had lovely sex with them. It does not diminish what we have, 30 years and 2 children together.

Being together for 2+ years when you are teenagers is remarkable in itself due to the usual teen drama and emotions at that period in your life.

It is strange you have never mentioned him to your Dh after all these years.

Sorry but I don't really recognise relationships between children as proper 'relationships'.

None of this sounds very adult tbh.

For whatever reason this rattled you.

Is your DH prone to jealousy - was he jealous early on? Did you minimise the relationship in the early days when you started dating your DH?

Could it have been a 'two worlds colliding' thing - you never expected that part of your life to meet your DH?

2.5 years at 16-18 is definantly ‘a serious relationship’ , and dh obviously picked up that it he was more than a mate. ’.

I don't consider relationships between literal kids (under 18) to be relationships in the true sense - mine certainly weren't. When I spoke to my husband about my previous relationships when we were first getting to know each other, I didn't include sixth form romances. But your husband sounds oddly jealous too.

I had a boyfriend at the same age for 2.5 years, and sort of agree that I wouldn't really "count it" now, and might fail to pick him out of a line up. BUT - at 19 (also when I met my DH) it seemed very significant! It would have been hard to talk about any of the things I had done the previous few years without mentioning him.

I find it hard to believe that at some point in the distant past, you didn't deliberately skirt around it.