AIBU to feel miffed she changed our plans for another invitation?

[Katherineryan1986]

Friend messaged to let me know she had been invited to an event in the afternoon of the day she and her DH were coming to ours. She wanted to know if I minded changing the date they would come to ours so that she could go to this other event.

Of course, I politely replied that that was fine and we would find another date for her and her DH to come to ours, however, I did feel rather miffed about it.

Twice recently, DH and I have accepted invitations and then had another event for the same date, but have declined the 2nd one as we had already accepted the 1st one.

AIBU that my friend was a bit rude to ask me to change the date of their visit to us because she “had a better offer”?

If it matters, visit to us is lunch and a nice dog walk and catch up (we see each other about twice a year). Her other invite is a birthday party for someone in her hobby group (not a BIG birthday).

Birthdays happen once a year, unless you are the late Queen.

Lunch and dog walking can be done any day / weekend.

I would be a bit annoyed but since the other event is a birthday, the date can’t be changed so I would likely people please, change the date and lick my wounds…

Sorry but agree with PP. that makes a difference.

I wouldn't be annoyed if a friend asked to move a lunch date to another day. She can't change the date of somebody's birthday party.

If it’s for this weekend I’d be annoyed. If it’s for some date a couple weeks away it wouldn’t bother me.

All birthdays are 24 hours long, there is no such thing as a big birthday and please stop enabling this nonsense designed to get people to spend more money.

Unless a family event or matter, I agree you accept the first invitation. YANBU to be miffed.

I don’t think it’s that much of a big deal. It’s not as if she dumped your lunch date to go on another lunch date.
I would imagine if it’s a hobby group friend then she sees them more regular than twice a year like she does you so may feel it would be awkward not to go.

I hadn’t thought about how the other invitation being a birthday is only once a year versus lunch which can be any time. It’s a fair point. And has actually made me feel a bit better about it.

we won’t fall out over it, we’ve known each other for 30 years. I guess I was just disappointed really.

You can only go to a birthday party when the birthday party is. Presuming she is a fairly local friend, she ca easily see you another time. Of course if you aren't local and happen to be travelling to her area or something that's rude.

I’d let it go. The birthday party date can’t be moved.

very kind of you to move your catch up though, she must be a valuable friend.

although if friend constantly asked you to change plans I’d maybe think differently

Of course, I politely replied that that was fine and we would find another date for her and her DH to come to ours
I think that I might have put the onus back on her. Let her do the work, as a bit of an apology.

It’s not that she had a better offer though, she had a time specific one where yours could be at any time.

I agree that if you accept an invitation to, say, a birthday party or dinner party, you should stick to it regardless of whether you get another invitation later.

However, informal invitations to come and hang out somewhere aren't quite the same. I think it partly depends on how much effort you would have gone to for lunch. For example, were you going to book a table at your local pub, or had you planned to cook a special meal and already bought the ingredients?

Also, whilst I wouldn't mind changing the date of meet-ups occasionally if I had plenty of availability, I would soon get annoyed with friends who made a habit of postponing our arrangements. In that case, I would start being "unavailable" much more often.

I think it depends what the events are, really. I would ask a friend I see regularly to reschedule a casual or brief catch up if an invite to an “event” or a chance to see someone I never see came up. I’d be quite annoyed if they refused to reschedule solely because they wanted to make a point about honouring first commitments.

If it happens all the time and the things you’re being rescheduled for aren’t date-specific, then of course it’s reasonable to be annoyed.

Well you are not bring honest with her - she asked if you would mind, you said no. So she is going to the other thing you said you were alright with.

Yeah birthdays, weddings, christenings, holiday invites or any actual event all trump a casual catchup that can be done at anytime

Totally fair enough. Who in their right mind would choose a dog walk over a birthday party?!

But it’s not just a dog walk. It’s travelling 100 miles to visit old friends for a home cooked lunch, catch up and a dog walk (simply because they have a dog who they will bring with them).

But anyway, I can see the point that a birthday is a date specific event whereas our visit can be on any date.

I think it's fine. Also she was honest. At least she didn't make up a reason on bail at the last minute. As previous posters have said, the birthday party date will be fixed. How much notice did she give ?