Sorry it’s long.
Single mum to two kids, 12 and 17. Widowed 9 years ago so everything has fallen to me. We were young so didn’t think of life insurance and we rented so I had nothing and had 2 kids to support so have had to work my socks off and it’s felt relentless. Had a 3 year relationship which I ended a year ago as he wanted to move in (and with his kids p/t) and I always said I wasn’t going to blend til all kids had moved out.
I feel exhausted. I want to cry all the time. I work almost full time self employed. Life is quite good, nothing specific to cry about, but I feel ground down. Work is getting harder and I’m not motivated by it. My home which I rent is too much work. It’s a period property and never feels done. There’s always a job to do and it feels like constant hard work, but it’s given me and my kids stability for 6 years and great location. A cleaner wouldn’t help and tbh I can’t justify the cost as I can stay on top of that, it’s things like then gardens, the hedges, a leak, things not working (which the landlord sorts, but being an older house it happens more frequently).
Eldest is going to university in Oct. WIBU to think about moving? Somewhere smaller and newer but still enough space for when eldest comes home in holidays. I worry about instability of renting and all the upheaval of that. genuinely think that the house is also making me feel burnt out because I can never relax here, but also worry if I’m just placing my feelings on to my home and really the problem is inside me and because of my work worries.
Any thoughts to help me think about how to feel like my life is in order and feel more content, please. Feel like I don’t trust my own decisions at the moment.