To think this group of men had no right to touch women/ but did I overreact. Trigger warning- assault

[Seaglasscat]

I was at finals day for the cricket 20-20 blast yesterday. Went with DH and DS. Up until just before the final we were having a fab day. Lots of people dressed up and in high spirits, some acting daft but not over the top. DS managed to catch a T shirt that was thrown into the crowd, so we were all happy.

before the finaL I went to go to the toilet and was at the end of the queue stood with 2 others ladies. Suddenly I feel my both my sides being grabbed and squeezed. Turned round to see a group of man dressed up (they also did this to the other 2 women). The men then blew whistles straight into our faces so close I got a pain in my ear.

having been sexual assaulted in the past I felt completely awful and screamed at them to fuck off. The men just laughed and told me to lighten up, the other 2 women looked at me like I was completely overreacting. Then a women told me to shut up swearing as their are kids around.

I walked off quickly with the men still laughing at me and tried to find a steward who went over and had a word but the men just laughed and then went back to their stand.

I rang DH who came from his seat to find me, I was shaking, he offered to go and find them and have a word but I said no as I did not want any retaliation. He had a word with another steward who said he had logged the incident but did not seem that bothered. DH wanted us to go back to the hotel but I didn’t want to ruin DS day and I didn’t want the arseholes to scare me off. After that Everytime I got up out of my seat to go to the loo or for a drink he came with me. He even bobbed to the shop and bought me a cricket top I was eyeing up to try and make me feel better. He for one for DS as well who was so made up he now had 2 tops.

first of all did I overreact

second should I get back in touch with the cricket ground re incident.

why do some men do this. Why do thick they can just touch women like that.

just want to say if anyone else was there yesterday it was not the group dressed as lifeguards who had whistles or the guys dressed as police officers. I couldn’t not even tell what costume this men had one it was a combination of weird stuff.

something else that annoyed me a bit was when they were throwing t shirts out into the crowd a group of men to the side of us caught 6 t shirts between 3 of them. The people throwing them were trying to throw to kids (most of the t shirts were size small so most adults would not get in them. These men literally lend over 3 kids in front to catch the tshirts before they did. Even snatching one out of one of the kids hands. I think the adults with them had gone for food.

They then stuffed them in a bag and were talking about putting them on eBay. Yet the group of men in front of us caught a load then gave them to kids around them, they asked DS who said he already had one. Luckily the second time they came round during the final DS caught 2 and DH caught one and DS asked if could go over and give them to those kids as he already had one. Was really proud of him and the kids were so chuffed. The men who caught the first lot looked at us really angry like we were showing them up or something.

anyway I did not enjoy the final as I felt very panicky and felt sick. Also my ear was killing me. It is still killing me and keeps crackling so I am off to the docs tomorrow.

If she wants to report a crime then she needs to report it to the police.

I’m not sure what you or OP thinks is going to happen by reporting it to the cricket club?

As I said, if OP feels it will help her then by all means do it but I would be concerned that the place will have had so many attendees and trying to find these particular men would be nearly impossible - so the venue may not take this as seriously as OP would like - which may end up in OP feeling even worse.

Yes, they weren't doing this to men, because they didn't want to get punched in the face.

I'd be reporting it to the police. They caused you physical and mental trauma. Bet they wouldn't have done that to a man.

Very much not changing at cricket unfortunately

Went to a major match of the women's team fairly recently and was horrified by the sleaziness going on by the crowd. Both within the crowd and towards the players. Properly revolting

During the day I reported one group of blokes to the stewards (who responded appropriately) and kiddo's dad did a number of actions with his presence and demeanor to protect the players. One of them comes from our local club so he feels very strongly as a club parent and was revolted by what he saw

It was at a smaller grounds so the players aren't as isolated from the crowd as you'd think

You're not over reacting... I would have delivered a swift knee/kick to the nuts he wouldn't be laughing then I'm sure! 💐

Sounds like a horrible experience. I suggest you focus on the physical assault and don't let your complaint get sidetracked by the tshirts on ebay question.

Write and complain. Cricket and T20 in particular have been majoring on marketing to families, and this is not a good look for them that they haven't taken it seriously. You'll need to include where this happened at the ground- which toilets - and a timeframe - and ideally better description than "weird costumes" so they can check CCTV.

No you didn't overreact I'd have been upset if someone did that to me. Yes I think you should follow up as really I think they should have not been "had words with" but rather ejected from the grounds/event. They need to do more when inappropriate behaviour occurs. The fact the men laughed when it was clear you was upset says it all.

Still minimising.

I and many others on this thread have said from our first posts this is clearly a crime and to report the multiple sexual assaults by this predatory gang to the police.

If the OP does report the attacks to the cricket association / ground - they will have safeguarding obligations to fulfill around sexual assault and as PP has said it’s in their commercial interests as well as ethical to do so.

The perpetrators will be very easily identifiable - all sporting events have extensive CCTV for terrorism and the description of the group in Lifeguard and police fancy dress with whistles will make it even easier.

thankyou everyone. I have an appointment at the doctors this afternoon as my ear is killing me. I am going to get in touch with the cricket club. Nothing will prob come of it but it will make me feel better

I wish in the moment we were faster in reacting. You could’ve booted him in the nuts in self defense. It would’ve been interesting to see if it was still funny then.

If it’s where i think it’s in then on their app they actually have a need to report an incident button that takes you straight to a form that you fill out (with block/seat number in etc)

You absolutely did not overreact! I think you were really brave.

And I agree you should report to the cricket club - women should be able to go to watch without being subjected to that behaviour.

I mean a textbook response would have been to very loudly and clearly express your discomfort without swearing.

But screaming F off is a pretty close second.

A lot of the traditionally male dominated sports are trying to widen their appeal, so it’s worth providing feedback. In feedback to the club / organiser I’d focus on the bit that’s entirely within their control (the stewarding response that both failed to deal with the situation and failed to offer to escort you back to the group you were with).

If you were feeling particularly positive then you could highlight the bits that were good at making it more inclusive and enjoyable as a family event. You don’t need to, but it can help avoid being written off as a whinger.

You've misread. OP was not sexually assaulted on this occasion. She was SA previously. All these men did was grab her waist and blow a whistle which, understandably triggered her. Common assault, yes but not sexual in any way.

I'd complain though. They shouldn't be grabbing random women for exactly this reason. They don't know how people will react. I'd have punched him before I even knew I'd moved.

No one should touch or blow whistles, because people can have mental OR physical reasons why that's a problem (my hearing impaired relatives with implants would actually be in agony), and if you've recently had abdominal surgery, being grabbed could be very painful.
It's not just men though-it needs to be the case that nobody touches anyone without checking-like the woman who decided to reach round my friend's painful shoulder to stroke her dog, or the people who think it's ok to touch our bellied when we're pregnant.
I teach my son and daughter to ask if someone wants a hug-and have been criticised for this, saying my son came across as stand-offish for not just hugging friends.
And all the people who tried to hug/shake hands even in lockdown.

If you’re going to go this strong at everything you really need to read properly.

aside from the lack of SA in this instance, she explicitly said it WAS NOT the groups dressed as police or lifeguards This is why public witness statements are so godawful and internet rumour is so dangerous.

@Seaglasscat you definitely didn’t over-react. As others have said you could have booted him square in the nuts and that would have been fine!

Why would you think England rugby and Twickenham would care about something that happened at a cricket match?

Well I have a perforated ear drum. I am def getting in touch with the cricket club now. So pissed off

And just to say it was NOT the groups dressed as lifeguards and police. Though they were blowing whistle through the whole thing and in the food court area which got really annoying. I don’t think whistles should be allowed. They could really trigger someone with a sensitivity to sound or those with certain conditions.

Sorry just so people are aware the nurse said it only takes a little blast of a whistle to do damage as the sound is really high pitched. It does even need to be that close.

OP, you should definitely be reporting. Stewards at cricket matches are hopeless.

Wow am so sorry they caused this! So painful. Please report it as assault on both accounts as you now have a physical problem because of their stupidity and selfishness. Also like to second that your husband sounds lovely and I hope his actions did somehow make you feel protected ❤️

Apologies - I misread as SA and the costumes.

However the OP and other women were assaulted so can crime be reported for battery/ABH/GBH. I think it is relevant that these men intentionally targeted women to assault rather than other men and we should have a zero tolerance of this behaviour. It’s still a crime and not a complaint.

I hope your ear drum / pain recovers soon OP.