How to solve problem of consistently shit gifts - are you a shit gifter?

[YourNoisyKhakiCritic]

I have a family member who despite me saying both in a roundabout way and also bluntly I do not want gifts for my children they still continue to buy absolute shite for them think clearance charity shop crap that isn’t either clean, working or age appropriate. I’ve said multiple times please just send a card or nothing- kids aren’t bothered about presents whatsoever. This family member loves freebies and bargains and extreme coupons / temu type stuff I guess that’s their thing but why should I be burdened with piles of crap toys and the like to offload? I usually graciously still message thank you but I’m really struggling after last weeks latest pile of crap I still haven’t messaged and I’m feeling like times probably almost running out and I will be the bad guy. How do I stop this person sending us shite gifts? To reiterate I’ve said multiple times over several years to please stop.

if you’re someone who does this to family / friends may I ask why? Is it an addiction?

Forget doing anything. Won't work. Bin it.

Wish lists.
Have wish lists.
Ask for something specific that you actually will use or want.

You can't stop it, you just have to recycle/donate/bin it.

And stop sending thanks!

Try being rude?

Give it back and say we'll keep it at your house.

Tried it they refuse to do this because they want to find deals / bargains

I thought this was the case :( it’s so fucking wasteful it’s driving me insane. Years of this shit.

Unfortunately live different UK country so not possible

Have you tried naming something you would want (could be money/vouchers) instead of just saying not to give at all? Lots of people would really struggle to not give a gift at all to a young relative because they'd see it as uncaring, but they might be pliable in terms of finding them better things to give.

They wouldn’t do this as the gifts they give the kids are free gifts / very very low value / free with coupons etc

They won’t change. I just tried not to bring the crap over the threshold. Straight in a bin bag, leave it by the front door and book an Anglo collection. Sometimes I would book a collection pre-emptively if a birthday or Christmas meetup was looming. They have scratched their itch by buying the shit and giving it to you, so no need to feel bothered by disposing of it as quickly and as easily as possible. We had all sorts of broken items, board games missing parts, chemistry set for a 3 yo. Save yourself the battle and just find a hassle free way of getting rid.

Post it back with a note saying we don't want this?

Have you really clearly and explicitly said stop, or has it more been 'thanks so much this is so kind but the children really don't need presents, they're happy with a card'?

I really hate the concept of a “shit gift” - this can only be from someone who grew up in a family with extra money.

I was taught to treasure all gifts because someone had thought of you and cared enough to buy them.

To me this sounds so very entitled, however I suggest that you do not hurt the gift giver but try to understand. Are they short of cash, or elderly? Or perhaps better off now but grew up with little money?

There must be a way you can keep some and regift some. Are you sure your children dislike the gifts?

To me this is a heartbreaking post because of the mismatch between intentions and reality.

It’s really not. I cannot reiterate more, we don’t want any gifts. We don’t have a lot of money, why should I be grateful for Temu shit? Things for a 7 year old that’s labelled for a 18 month old from the charity shop? Why should I have my small flat cluttered because of someone else compulsion?

Had it for years with my Mum. She won’t change, just bin the stuff, if they want to waste their money that’s on them. To those that say you’re entitled or ungrateful they clearly never had to find room in their house or bin for stuff that isn’t fit for purpose.

I think it’s so offensive to give someone something that’s completely shit, when they’ve explicitly said to please stop. I physically cannot bring myself to say thank you anymore. The kids themselves would honestly rather have a handwritten card or even a 10p pack of Haribo.

Thank you. I’m so glad you understand. It’s honestly had me in tears sometimes as it feels like they are doing it on purpose.

We have one of these in the family. So infuriating. She’s recently started going for personalised tat but low quality and in a theme DC hates, so he keeps getting bloody dinosaur everything. He has NEVER liked dinosaurs and now it’s personalised we can’t give it to his sister or a charity shop! 🤦‍♀️ She gives it directly to him and never listens to his response. We’ve had to explain to him that Auntie X just doesn’t know him at all. We tell her every bloody time that he doesn’t like dinosaurs and he likes cars but she doesn’t listen. I feel like buying Felix and wrapping it up for her dog at Christmas!

Ask for something that's no more than £5.
To be honest though if it's stuff you don't want just pass it along to someone else/charity shop.
If they want to keep spending (wasting) their money then that's on them.

Oh my god new fear unlocked with the personalised stuff :( the charity shops near us won’t take most of the stuff as they refuse temu / unpackaged stuff / non safety tested toys etc.

Oh another time I came home to find a different toilet roll holder on the wall that PILs just decided to install when we were on holiday. It was unbelievably flimsy, the wrong colour, and I have no idea what possessed them! The tat gene runs in their family. 😂

"Oh Mum, shall we just put this in the bin now? It's not suitable for the kids and is really poor quality, so nobody else will want ir. I did ask you not to get them anything" and then just go and put it in your dustbin.

I wish I had the balls to do this. Would likely start WW3. When we set a boundary with them last year they started doorstepping us, writing us letters, phoning and texting DH (I blocked all of them years ago). 😂

Just bin them.

My DM is a shit gift giver. Always has been, from being a child. She likes a bargain and has basically no interest in whether I want the gift or not. I'm not difficult to buy for - I'd like a book token.

I've had clothes that were 3 sizes too small (passive aggressive dig), I've had a massive book of 'Interpret your Dreams', a thing that neither she nor I believes is possible or desirable. (Twice. Two Christmasses in a row. They must have been on offer). I've had fur lined suede mittens in July. Does anyone over the age of 6 actually wear mittens? I once got a book on British regional cookery that described the food, rather than actually providing a recipe.

"Yorkshire pudding is a traditional British baked dish made from a simple batter of flour, eggs, and milk. Despite its name, it is not a dessert—it's a savoury side dish most commonly served with roast beef and gravy as part of a classic British Sunday roast." WTF??

I now just say, 'Oh, clothes that don't fit. Thanks' And then put them straight into a charity bag. I make no attempt to be grateful. I've had nearly 60 years of this shit.