Dreaming of the green grass of Northern Ireland

[Midlife678]

I’m originally from Northern Ireland and have lived in the Home Counties for over 15 years. My husband grew up in the Home Counties but his family are mostly 2 hours drive away. His sister moved recently and is now 15 minutes from us with a baby. My mother in law spends lots of time with her but rarely sees us.

We have three children, the eldest of which has one year of primary school left.

I am homesick and have recently started dreaming of moving back to Northern Ireland. I miss my family and quality of life just seems so much better.

The Home Counties are a (very congested) rat race and I am over it. The big incomes do not equal a better quality of life.

Am I being unreasonable to even considering moving back?

Not unreasonable in the slightest to consider it. I only know NI from visiting but can see the attraction. Have you broached the idea with your husband?

Not unreasonable but it would have to be a move you agree to make as a family. Does your husband share similar issues with the rat race aspect of the Home Counties or is he really happy with his life? Likewise if your children are very settled with strong friendship groups they could end up being as homesick in NI as you are now and resenting you.

Not that therefore you shouldn't move! Couples with families do move house. But I think you'd need to sound out your husband and then have a plan for what you would do when you moved etc. If it's not possible are there alternatives - eg somewhere else in the UK that's maybe still close to your/your husbands workplace but has a better quality if life/cost of living? Or visiting NI more often?

Not unreasonable but you all need to be on board with the decision. What do you miss most - family or just a different kind of life?

You haven't mentioned what your husband thinks??

My DH has a similar background but the recent riots over immigration and the annual riots leading up to the 12th have put him off returning to live. When we go back for a holiday he says he forgets how parochial people can be.

His family left when he was a bit younger so perhaps you see it differently.

Not in the least unreasonable. We spent 27 years outside of Ireland, mostly in the UK, very happily in Oxford and London for years, less happily elsewhere. Moving home (other end of the island) was the best thing we’ve ever done. Not without its psychological complications, obviously, but in general a really good decision.

But we’re both Irish and wanted our child to grow up here. He was seven when we moved.

I am from.northwrn Ireland and I couldn't go back because of the political situation and the dire state of the NHS over there, also the lack of childcare provision is a big problem in lots of areas.

That said I'd rather go back than live in 'the home counties' because I agree the cost of living differences are huge especially housing.

The opportunities for kids aren't as good in lots of areas, the religious polarisation of schooling the racism lately (although England may be as bad for that)

The draw of a 5 bed farmhouse for under 300k is appealing of course.

I've been in Scotland 25 years and it's pretty good for all the things I find important but nowhere is perfect and I do sometimes dream of a massive house in acres of land and my sister's just down the road.

YANBU. I moved back to Ireland after 19 years in the UK. With three small boys and a british husband. Zero regrets ! If it’s your dream then at least explore it as an option.

It would probably be a great move for you but I’m less sure it would be great for your DH and kids. I know NI reasonably well, have relatives there and can see the attraction (bar the weather!) but the parochial mind set often means outsiders (including those from England) can take a very long time to be accepted. Add to that the politics and the fact most socialising happens with your family or friends you’ve known for years, it could be really hard for the rest of your family to settle. The exception would be Belfast, but even then you’ve got strong anti immigrant feelings and NHS services that are struggling even more than in England. Great education though and that would be the biggest selling point for me, plus the mountains and beaches!

I have never been to Northern Ireland, but literally everyone I know from there say they would move back to raise their children as the education there is so much better.

YADNBU