AIBU to ask my mum to help with childcare visits?

[Muuyt75]

Just looking for an outsider perspective.

My mum is staying with me this week. She lives 3-4hrs away. I was working 1.5 days during the week and my nanny is on holiday so I asked if my mum could come and look after my children for those 1.5days. I have 2 toddlers (3 and 1), the eldest of whom has ASD (funnily enough the easier of the two at the moment!). I am a single parent. My mum agreed and has always been happy to see the kids. I pay for her train and she has her own room here. We would also go out with the kids and I would cover the cost of outings/meals etc. I am not putting her out financially (she is a retired 66yo), but equally I am not able to pay her for coming here (for reference I was supporting my mum financially for years before I had kids).

Anyway, I worked 1.5days this week. On those days I would take an Uber to work to allow me to stay at home with the kids for as long as possible. I'd have any meals for them ready before I leave, and check in with my mum numerous times during the day. On the other days, I did not expect my mum help with the kids, although she changed the odd nappy. Also I continued to do all housework and cooked for us every day (even on the days I was working).

We have had this arrangement since Nov, with her staying for up to a week 4 times since then, whenever my nanny is away (she's come in Nov, Dec, May and now July). It seemed to work well. This visit however, my mum seems really disengaged with me and the kids, and quite put out. She's been really short with me, spending most of her time in her room on her iPad or with earphones in. I'm just wondering if I'm expecting too much from her? I genuinely thought she enjoyed visiting, and try to arrange outings and create memories with the kids (she often sends photos of her and the kids to family members).

Am I being unfair in what I am asking of her? If we stopped this arrangement I'd struggle a lot with childcare, but do not want to burden my mum unreasonably.

Thanks if you read this far!

Nannies typically arrange annual leave to coincide with yours. So I wonder why your nanny doesn't try to coordinate with you a bit more ?
I mean your mum may be finding it all a bit much. It does sound like it

As others have said, I think you need to talk to your Mum. Do you think she might cope better with a shorter visit to cover your work days and then perhaps an extra day? Maybe she doesn’t like being away from home for that long.
Your 1 year old especially probably needs to be watched constantly, as he’s presumably on the move and 2 little ones for a 66 year old is quite a lot, though clearly you are doing as much as you can to make the childcare days easier.

That really isn't OP's fault, though. I am astounded that someone would expect their adult child to support them financially.

My mother is same age and struggles with my late primary children. I know many women in 60s are more than able to cope with babies/toddlers, but perhaps she can’t?

This is something only your mum could answer.