Lone parenting when other family members don't get it

[neo6]

I used to see a couple of my immediate family members a lot. Always included me going to theirs with my child when they were under the age of 5/6. Since, my child has found a hobby and I hardly ever see said family members. One is now upset that I haven't made time for them. We talk a lot on the phone and half make plans that never happen. I also work full time so am very busy. I have said many times 'you are always welcome to pop over here' and have invited to child's hobby, which essentially means sitting on a camping chair in a field with a coffee having a catch up whilst child cracks on, but the answer is always no which is fine (genuinely not upset about it). Other people's families do it and if is quite nice especially when the sun is out. Basically, I feel like because I have essentially stopped doing the heavy lifting of going to people's houses, instead of them stepping up and taking me up on my offers, they are now upset with me because I haven't made time for them. The one who is particularly annoyed does work but doesn't have kids so has evenings so could come over. I used to pop over most weeks. Nobody has been to mine or popped over in the 4 years I've lived here. Guess I just needed a vent as I feel like nobody really understands how exhausting it is working full time whilst having a child full time too. I have to work 8-3, then achool run. Then work evenings to make up my hours to full time. I'm so tired. Has anyone else found similar expectations placed on them from family members?

Maybe try spelling it out to them like you have here. They're expecting you to make all the effort and then getting upset when you don't, that's not fair.

This. They can’t be bothered so why should you.
Personally I’d just go low contact. They clearly don’t value the relationship.
Sorry OP it must be very upsetting 💐

I'm not upset at all. I get that people have lives, it's just interesting that you are the one making the effort and when you stop, purely because you have to, it shifts from lots of contact to almost none. Almost as if it's not about actually spending time with you, but more about feeling wanted and like I am making them my priority which just isn't healthy or sustainable. As surely if it was about spending time with me and my child they would just do it?

Yes exactly. And that’s why I’d find it upsetting. They clearly don’t want to spend time with you or your child. They aren’t bothered about investing in a relationship with either of you. You running around after them only serves them.
I’d cut them off.

I'd rather have a conversation with them about it first (hence me sense checking on here) before I just cut them off (weird obsession on mn of just cutting out immediate family members before trying to resolve things!). So am going to have a discussion before I create a fracture in my family!

Your post has resonated with me but for other reasons….

my family do come and see us/me at my child’s hobby- again, essentially, a camp chair and decent coffee in a field whilst vaguely cheering said child and mainly chatting to me.

it’s my husband/child’s dad who makes no attempt to come at all or visit or watch which has created the lone parent thing here. Embrassing when your child plays sport at top flight level for their age and everyone wonders whether your husband/their dad is actually alive/around.

i would do as you plan to- i also don’t like the MN knee jerk “cut them out”.
I would sit and speak with them- you’d love to see them, but for now you want to give your child the best opportunités they can have while they are young and keen, I also have found it helps to remind the adults that this may not be forever, but it is for now. So in future the routine may change again, but for now if everyone wants to keep seeing other it will have to be in a different style for a while.

is the sport seasonal? I only see my sister in the off season as fields with coffee are not her thing.

It's seasonal in the sense that competitions happen more in summer with much less in winter, but it's always fairly busy. They will be old enough to take themself when older if still doing it. Sorry to hear about your husband. I find no greater joy than when watching my child excel!

Honestly op lots of people don’t understand the heavy lifting of being a lone parent and working. Just sit down and talk to them.

I would invite them over to yours on a specific day, rather than just say they're welcome anytime, and let them come or not. If they choose not to, forget about it, you've done all you can.