I have to ask for permission to live my life while he does what he wants.

[Summerchild12]

Today I have felt quite low. I feel like everyone is living their lives while I’m on the sidelines. What triggered me today is my child’s dad agreed to have our little one. I booked my nail appointment 2 weeks in advance, I told him and gave him multiple reminders. The time comes and he’s made plans and not told me. This upset me so much because not only do I have to ask him just to do things for myself he has the free will to cancel and do what he wants. I then go well if you can’t have LO now please take her a bit later. He then lets me know how he’s got a last minute trip planned to London after the plans he made during my time.

I already feel lonely as I find it hard to socialise and do things, as I got a 100 things to do. But he can live his life, doesn’t have to inform me or plan but I have to ask sometimes beg him or someone just to have time to do something for myself.

Has anyone got advice on how I can live life a bit more and not feel like I’m always asking for permission to live life.

Have you enquired whether any staff do babysitting?

Some men will use the children as a way of keeping control over their ex after a split. Exactly as you described; you are reliant on him sticking to plans to get a break.

Are you able to have people on standby for when this happens? Maybe drop the toddler to his mums house with a "your son let her down again, he was meant to be having her" ??

My advice is document everything.
Keep records of calls and texts, and record when he drops you in it last minute.

Best of luck. Some men are selfish idiots!!

Yanbu but you can't build a life for yourself relying on your ex for childcare to create space for your "me" time. Use reliable paid childcare, swapsie-arrangements with other mums, and people who actually love and care for you for that. Work on the assumption that you are responsible for your child 24/7, and will only be elsewhere when you have made firm arrangements with people other than your ex, and on the rare occasions that her dad can be bothered to turn up that will be bonus surprise time, not time you make plans/bookings for in advance.

Do you have any formal arrangements around custody and do you get CMS?

You need to get this business sorted, he's not your friend nor does he give a shit.

Give him the child full time and you have the child when you feel like it.