I’m engaged to my fiance and there’s been a rough few months recently with arguments about various things, but mostly the toxic influence of his brother who just moved back to town. This brother does Andrew Tate courses, sells drugs and is generally a terrible person. I’d go as far to say that I hate him.
My fiance has always been very open and honest with me about everything. Shared passcodes for various reasons, eg can you just message back my friend and tell them I’m on my way?
I got a gut feeling a few weeks ago that something was going on but couldn’t place it. I actually restarted antidepressants because I thought I was getting anxiety again.
I saw my partner had followed a woman I didn’t know on social media, as she came up on suggested friends. Asked who she was - very non-committal with the answer “someone who used to live by us in college”, she was a lot younger than me”. Thought no more of it.
Message flashed up on his phone from her. I said I needed to see them, which he showed me. she’d messsged him a picture of them two around the age of 15ish. Clearly the same age. Replies back and forth over a few weeks with days in between. No flirting or anything that was awful, but felt too close for me. “Catching up” about life, her talking about her relationship breakdown and him talking about work… but no mention of me. None. She was angling for a reunion with the whole group, but mentioned being close to our city in a few months.
She lives abroad.
His argument is that I’m all over his social media and it’s clear he’s engaged, why mention it?
I feel deeply hurt. On the days when we weren’t messaging, was he messaging her? Why the lie about how he knew her? If they were such good friends why not say that?
I would never expect him to have an affair or be inappropriate with others. He says himself his culture doesn’t allow women and men to be friends… aibu to feel betrayed or am I being insecure and jealous?