Should I move back to care for parents?

[ladynoname]

I moved away just over 10 years ago from my home town to a rural area I just liked and wanted to live, no connections but a yearning to be there.
My mum is 80 this year and her health is declining, she is also a carer to my dad who is bed bound and not able to do any self care for himself, this absolutely takes its toll on mum who I know is exhausted.
My brother still lives nearby and helps out with practical things but I feel guilty that I don’t live nearer and help.

I feel a bit torn between living long distance where I chose to live but don’t need to be and moving back to my home town and supporting my mum with dad and herself as she ages.
I am a sahm and Dh works from home so does it sound a bit selfish to stay where we are and not contribute towards their care?

Whenever I see threads like this, it reinforces my wish for my child never to need to do for me what I’m doing for my parent now.
OP, you’d be better moving this to the elderly parents board where there are many people in your situation.

Yes, I know. That’s why I said she could help her brother have that conversation with them. There’s no point the OP feeling guilty about living some distance away if her brother is adamant that he can take care of them at home, or if her parents are quite happy to go into residential care. There’s point is, that the conversations need to be had before anything else.

And I appreciate exactly how hard it is. I was a young carer and now I’m a much, much older carer.

My Mum really resents that she needs help (she has dementia) and has always said she wanted to go to a home when the time came and didn't want her children taking on the burden. The time came and now she's completely pissed off she's in a home! I think, with all things in life, we can always imagine how we're going to behave in the future but life doesn't always go that way.

Exactly so.

Op, my mum has carers 3 x a day. I have POA and do banking and legal stuff which I can manage with my job etc, my sibling does the interaction with the care company which is funded through SS. I would have a practical conversation either way your DB and mum about how you can help without disruption to your life. There are other ways to help.

@TheFormerMrsTruelove sending hugs x you are doing a fantastic job x