To think I’m at the point of needing professional help?

[Thewillowtreeblows]

First time poster, please go gentle on me as it is a difficult time in my life and I’m aware of how ridiculous this sounds. I’m also really hoping that this isn’t triggering for anyone.

The long and short of it is that I think I have OCD. I have had compulsions for as long as I can remember, it started off when I was a child and I used to feel the need to turn the bathroom light on and off multiple times until it just felt ‘right’. Then moved onto when I could drive in adulthood and I used to have to touch my head then touch the side of the car door whenever I’d have a bad thought (such as getting in a crash etc etc), again, until it felt right.

since having my child I have felt these getting worse (definitely not thoughts of harming my child incase that’s what anyone thinks), just in the sense of I really want them to grow up in a clean, tidy home, something I didn’t necessarily have as a child.

im at the stage now where I am obsessively checking every drawer and cupboard in my house multiple times a day, even to the point of waking my child up multiple times just to check everything in their room is in the right place. I am completely aware this has gotten out of hand and is not normal.

part of me tries to convince myself I am just trying to stay on top of things as a working mum - checking everything is stocked up and they have all the necessary clothes etc. and my home is far from perfect, but I constantly have the urge to check everything is in its place. I can even go through what is in every drawer and cupboard in my home to it’s exact place and I struggle when it isn’t.

I opened up to dh last week about how I’m feeling as he just assumed I was a ‘clean freak’ but explained how draining this is getting for me now and I feel I have no control over these compulsions and needing to check everything.

again, I’m aware of how utterly ridiculous this is, and as stupid as it sounds I’m afraid to speak to a professional but I don’t want to let it keep spiralling as I don’t want my child to start doing this.

basically I just want to know if I need to speak to someone and get help, I’m sceptical about cbt as I have been referred before for a seperate issue and it sounded as though it was just a PowerPoint presentation in a teams meeting that wasn’t personal to me at all. Could anyone maybe offer a similar situation they’ve experienced just to make me feel a bit more normal?

I admire you for recognising that your compulsions are becoming an issue.

sounds like a form of ocd that can be helped.

be brave and talk to your gp and ask for help.

This does sound like ocd in my (non professional) opinion. I have it and in my experience it doesn’t just go away on its own, it just continues escalating and finding new themes until you can’t function like a normal person.

I also felt very similarly about CBT as you. For me, Citalopram was life changing and quietened the thoughts down massively.

But I appreciate it’s not a one size fits all. Hopefully someone with more expertise will see the post and be able to provide some helpful advice xx

Hi. I think it’s great that you recognise what is happening, and you have spoken to your husband and are considering help.

I would say definitely go to the GP and take any form of help that is offered.

I have OCD, in a different way to you, and have had CBT twice and another form of therapy. None have cured me but all have definitely helped me through difficult times.

Wishing you all the best.

Please make an appointment to speak to your gp. You can definitely get help and you’ll feel much better when you do. I’m the same with cbt, waste of time. But there are drugs that will quieten those intrusive thoughts xx

As PP says, I admire that you recognise it- that’s a tough first step. I can relate. When I was younger I used to have sayings that I had to repeat on a loop in my head. It wasn’t until I was older that I realised it was probably OCD. Even now I have compulsions to check the doors are locked, repeatedly, before going to bed.
I think from what you’re describing it goes hand in hand with the natural worries and anxieties as a parent. Perhaps that’s triggered some of the behaviour to spiral a little. I think with the right support it’s possible to break the cycle but I’m afraid I’m not that knowledgeable on the side of things. I know NHS first line of treatment is CBT and antidepressants. I was never convinced that NHS CBT would be particularly useful but that’s my own pre conceptions. Is private therapy an option for you?

I think you should seek some help as it can help to manage how you’re feeling and how it’s affecting your life, it can become more manageable. You’ll likely feel compelled to do it but if it’s less often that’s not a bad thing

You are normal 💐 everyone gets intrusive thoughts its just with ocd instead of being able to ignore it, we respond with a compulsion which then gives relief maybe temporarily but then reinforces the meaning attached to the thoughts and the cycle continues. Its bloody awful - but cbt can work really well, but a type of cbt - exposure response therapy (ERP) works really well. You have to learn to not respond with a compulsion. Then the thoughts lessen. Medication can help to reduce the anxiety a bit so its easier for the therapy to work. Its really common for ocd to occur after having kids. Its really good your seeking help now. Speak to your gp and take it from there. You can get better xx