To ignore this man?

[alabamasunshine]

about 2 months ago i met a man on a website for people wanting hookups/dating. (Basically for those who have a high drive). He was local. Got on great. Messaged all day every day, saw each other anything from 1-3 times a week, great chemistry and great sex.

he started messaging more about life than sex, and I realised I liked that. He made a comment about a candle lit dinner but he was serious. So one day I told him that I wanted more, he asked if I meant a date, I said yes, he said he’d love to.

that was a month ago. Since then he has worked away for a week, been home a week, worked away and now home. No plans to see me. He arranged a date and then cancelled. Other than that, no plans and I haven’t seen him

I’ve told him I don’t think he’s making effort, I’ve given him multiple opportunities to end it, but each time he says he likes me and wants to see me. Yet he never does. He says he is making effort.

hes messaging less now (so am I) so I assumed he wanted to keep it as just sex, but we aren’t even doing that.

i give up and I haven’t responded to his last message which was “I am interested, I just didn’t want you to think I wasn’t interested by being half assed when I saw you”…

id rather half assed than not at all.

he is attractive and we get along. If he wanted to end it, or just keep it as sex, he’s had many chances… so why is he stringing me along? Why message so much?

Just dump him

Well you're not keeping it to just sex as you're not even getting that. And half assed is okay and better than nothing? Raise your bar!

YANBU to ignore.

He's got a more interesting prospect on the go, but you're on the back burner in case that one fizzles out

id rather half assed than not at all.

That sentiment is going to lead you into some very dark places with some very sub par men OP. Reconsider your expectations.

There are literally millions of low bar men out there, you can take your pick.

He’s not messaging ‘so much’, you said he’s messaging less. Maybe he doesn’t have all the answers and thought you’d be able to go with the flow a bit more. Maybe he’s just busy. If it’s not for you then end it yourself, considering ‘it’ is just confused sex it doesn’t seem worth the hassle

Because you’re letting him

Why are you hankering after a man who clearly isn't interested. Please raise your bar , why do you value yourself so little?

Agree

I used to do a bit of the old nsa fun as a guy. Very few times will a guy turn down the allure of spending a night in bed with a woman.

So there is something else going on here such as the following:

He doesn’t really fancy you and holding out for a better offer
He is a catfish
He is a fantasist and can’t walk the walk
He is married or already taken

End it and block him.

Why haven't you ended it? He isn't interested in you or he'd make the effort.

Stick your rod back in the water and find another fish, I suspect the ratio of men to women is pretty high on the men side

Dump and move on. It ain’t happening.

I'll level with you, OP: you are absolutely not the sort of person who is going to be able to use hook-up sites for casual sex without getting hurt.

You'd 'rather half-assed than not at all'? Seriously? You are really vulnerable to abuse if that's the way you feel about things. This is a recipe for disaster.

You were all right. He messaged today saying he was interested, he likes me and wants to see me and will now that he has more free time. I said I feel like there’s someone else. He said there isn’t, “when would he have the time”

he then messaged my friend (doesn’t know it’s her) on the site. He has a new profile that he made a month ago, around the same time he stopped seeing me and made less effort.

im upset. I sent him a message calling him out on it. And blocked him.

Time to raise those standards OP!

Listen to his actions not his words.

My guess is he likes you, he's not ready to commit properly to anything and he's just stuck on the fence. Which would be fair enough if he was up front about it.

If its not working for you then end it. But tbh I've been in those shoes before, he then came back all ready to commit and was a horrendous boyfriend because he wasn't in the place. So I'd block and delete.