Lending money to family

[Allthedays1]

This is outing but I'm raging. My mil asked to borrow £200 last month and my DH lent her it then told me after he said tree. She did it pay it, back two weeks later.

Then this month she called him and asked to borrow even more. Said she needed to pay a plumber. DH lent it to her again but she can't afford to pay it back so paying it back in two parts over the month.
She's just put on Facebook she's on holiday.. ( she was away for a weekend last month which is why she needed the first lot money because she overspent)
Am I been unreasonable to be peed off. I'm having to do overtime to pay for a bill and she's just borrowing money when she fancies. My DH argues she pays it back eventually but it's not the point. Apparently he's told her he's not lending her money again and she said she won't ask again this year.

The urge to text her is unreal.. she also doesn't live alone and works etc.

My DH says we would do the same to my mum ( my mum wouldn't dream of asking)

Sorry for the typos!! Also my not living alone I mean she lives with her sister, not with dependants

Don't text her. Explain to your dh in words of one syllable that you are working extra to cover the essentials but his mum is going on holiday...therefore he shouldn't lend her money if she can't manage.

Plus I would ask how he would feel if she didn't pay him back or if he had an emergency but didn't have any cash because he'd lent it out

A firm no

Admittedly, the holiday could have been pre booked, but it does look suspicious. Do you know if she has had plumbing work done?

She has borrowed money twice, and both times has paid it back (or is paying it back) within a month, that’s not crime of the century.

Why are you doing the overtime when he’s dishing out money to others? Are your finances otherwise shared?

Don’t text her; she’s asked, he’s obliged. It’s up to him and you to come to agreement on how to handle your budget, including if you can help out family or friends.

I do think if money has been lent, as frustrating as it may be, it’s not helpful to judge what it went on and you have no say in that.

“she said she won't ask again this year.”

So the implication is that she will feel free to ask again in the future. Your DH needs to man up and tell his DM that you’re not financially in a position to be able to bankroll her spending when she can’t afford to pay a plumber yet can afford holidays, and that she needs to look at her finances and spending as much as you do. Of course family should help family in an emergency, but this is hardly the case here.

Your MIL is really cheeky and your DH should definitely check with you before lending her money, particularly as you are the one working over-time to make up the shortfall in your budget.

Has your DH always prioritised his mum over his own family? Your MIL sounds cheeky and entitled but the problem is your DH.

The holiday was booked and paid for ages ago, I'd imagine.
She's his mum and she pays it back within a couple of months. Now if you genuinely don't have it to spare, then that's what you say to your husband - you point out that you are working extra because he's lent the bill money to his mum and now you don't have it when you need it. But don't be raging at her - she asked her son and he agreed. The person you need to have proper discussions with about shared finances and bills is him!