Next steps for my autistic 12-year-old struggling with mainstream school

[Myunhappyheart]

I have a 12 year old child. She has diagnosed autism. She hasn’t been to school since before half term the school have magnificently failed her, but that’s another story.

She started a new school yesterday went well however today she was texting me very distressed because she felt sick and wanted me to pick her up. I liaise with the School and we decided to keep her there. However, when she came out of school, she punched me through a bottle of my head saying the most spiteful, nasty words.

this isn’t behaviour that is exclusive to today it’s common. Although less common during that time, she wasn’t able to access School.

They strongly suggest to me that she can not cope in the mainstream environment. She is currently fast asleep and nothing can wake her.

what are my next steps? I don’t need an advice. I need real solid science backed advice that has worked.

i’ve told the new school about her behaviour and I put in and he consult to the GP for like the hundredth time regarding this. I’m starting to think of medication is the right way and completely taking her out of school.

Hope behaviour is having a profound effect on me and her little sister

please be kind. I’m absolutely at my wits end.

It might be that mainstream isn’t the right place for her, but if she only started yesterday at the new school, that hasn’t really been given a proper chance yet. I would have thought a phased transition would have been better, building up hours to full time to start with? Sounds like being chucked in full time straight away was too much for her.

Have you met with the school’s SENCO? What support are they going to provide?

Does DD have an EHCP? If so, what provision is in there? If not, has an EHCNA been requested?

There's no medication to help with ASD, there are meds for ADHD but not ASD. Are you thinking about home educating her? How is her behaviour over the holidays when she doesn't have to go to school?

Have you considered an autism provision within a mainstream school? Soon every school will have a provision of some sort but in the short term you can ask for a placement in one. They are not a magic bullet but can make all the difference. You will need to get help to secure a place in one though I'd think. They are usually full with a waiting list. They are very highly sought after.

Not condoning how she managed it at all. Violence is never ok. However, it may help you to understand what sounds like was happening for her today, from someone who was in her position at exactly that age.

Her old school was not a safe place for her. She will now have wiring in her brain that school = danger.

You are her safe place.

Knowing that she needs to go to a school, she has ignored her instincts and gone to a new school today even though her brain was telling her it was unsafe. When she couldn't cope, she reached out to her safe place for help and her 'safety' colluded with the unsafe place to keep her in distress.

Her safe place just became unsafe. She doesn't know where to turn.

This only happened to me once but I still have hangovers from it 14 years later. I can't trust anyone else to drive me anywhere because I don't trust that I'll be able to get away if I can't cope.

My mum really regrets listening to the educators who told her not to come and pick me up.

You are her only advocate in this. Schools have other priorities and often fail miserably with girls with Autism.

She needs a school placement where she feels safe. Does she have an EHCP?

The only school my DD could cope with was a tiny (independent) school. I mean like 18 per year group. She also agreed to weekly board. It was a life changer.
If you can get anywhere close to that, (we persuaded the school to give us a large bursary) I'd try it.
Good Luck. It's very difficult.

It’s an IDP where we are. The old School refused her one, but I appealed to the council and they said she needed one. The old School failed to repair this in time for transition. They have magnificently cocked up and I’m looking into tribunal but that’s another story.

I totally get how our nervous system is and how unsafe she feels in school. It really has nobody’ who understands that more than me. Which I suppose is what makes this even harder.

I am dealing with the SENCO at the New school and they are brilliant.

she won’t go to an autism provision with a mainstream school. We are in a smallish Welsh town where everyone knows each other and she really really does not want to appear to know she has autism which I suppose as part of the problem.

What would DD think to online provision? Would that work for her?

An IDP will help you secure the right support for DD. If you haven’t already have a look at SNAP Cymru and the Welsh Nodi guide.