Ex letting 10 year olds babysit

[Callmejudy]

Looking for some advice.
My two daughters are 9 and 10 years old and spend alternate weekends with their dad under a court order.

They came home this weekend and both independently told me that while they were at their dad’s house, they were looking after their one-year-old sister while their dad was asleep. They also said they were looking after their seven-year-old brother and that there were no other adults in the house.

I wasn’t there obviously , so I only know what they’ve told me, but both gave the same account and it has really concerned me. I don’t want to overreact, but equally I don’t want to ignore something that could be a safeguarding issue.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is this something you would raise with the allocated social worker, or is it something that would generally be considered a parenting issue rather than a safeguarding concern? Personally I don’t feel they are mature enough to babysit a very young child, it’s putting both them and their siblings in a very vulnerable position.

I’m genuinely just looking for advice on what the appropriate next step would be. Thank you

What was the context of the sleeping? E.g. The kids waking up before their father or him disappearing for several hours during the day....

So he took himself off for a mid day nap is my understanding, not sure of the length of time

He should not be napping while there are long children up and about in the house. It isn't necessary or safe.
And he certainly shouldn't be going out of the house and leaving them on their own.

Yes, I think you should talk to the social worker about it. You will get a lot of fair opinions here but the social worker's view will be the one that counts going forward.

Taking himself off to bed for a nap is very different to nodding off on the sofa. Obviously being in a different room means he is much less likely to be woken by crying, arguing or something being knocked over / broken, but as he will be sleeping more soundly it would make it even more unlikely he would wake up.

This seems fine..? I did similar at that age. A 9 and 10 year old keeping an eye on a younger sibling while the dad is in the same house is the sort of responsibility most children that age can handle... unless you're going to drip feed that the 7 year old has severe ADHD and anger issues or something, it seems fairly standard family life...

If he fell asleep on the sofa whilst the kids were all playing in the same room, not an issue, as long as baby couldn’t leave the room. If he took himself up to his room and left the baby with the kids, nah, not on my watch.

So stupid (him, not you). I’m sure your DD’s are lovely but I think that most 10 year olds would panic and lie if the baby got hurt on their watch and say nothing happened. Tell the social worker, it’s not fair on your DD’s or the baby.

@Greengage1983and also looking after a 1 year old?

Leaving them in charge of a 1 year old for any length of time is very inappropriate. It’s one thing for them to keep an eye when the adult has a shower/goes to the kitchen, quite another for them to be asleep!

I don’t really see an issue with the 7 year old, though I would question there being no adults in the house. 10,9 and 7 is young to leave home alone.

Depends how long the nap was really... 3 hours - not really on. 15 minutes, absolutely fine.

I agree with you OP, I would 100% raise this with the social worker.
they should not be looking after a one year old baby for any length of time.

Why is the social worker involved? Is there other concerns?

Why do they have an allocated social worker?

He raised false concerns about me last year and a CCO was appointed, all allegations against me were unfounded and in fact he came out of court worse off than he was in terms of contact, I also got a non molestation order for 1 year against him due to his behaviour during court. The social worker is/was absolutely brilliant and said that she would always be at the other end of the phone should I ever have any other concerns about him.

So the social worker isnt involved any longer?

Not directly but she said she would always be contactable so I would have no reservations that way