To ask how being quiet/shy/introverted has impacted your life?

[3cats00]

Fortunately I don't think it's as bad as I've gotten older. I have friends but not many who I'm really close to, I'm getting married next year and genuinely struggling to think of bridesmaids which makes me embarrassed. I've not got any of close friends I'd go on holiday with or ask to be godparents, anything like that and I do think it's my personality. People seem to like me as a person and think I'm nice and kind, but I don't think they'd be bothered if they never saw me again iykwim.

I trained as a teacher but struggled, I know this isn't always the case but I found that teaching rewards a dominating, extroverted presence and I just didn't have that authority or persona. I passed my PGCE then never completed the ECT years.

I think I'm an interesting person as in I have an interesting life, range of hobbies and so on, but sometimes I do feel I must be boring. I believe I have social anxiety to an extent, I occasionally feel a bit nervous before events. I can make friendly conversations with people but I find they're more drawn to the people making out-there jokes, telling funny stories and being larger than life.

I don't want this to be a quiet vs loud thread at all, just want to know if anyone feels it's negatively impacted their lives?

I was painfully shy as a child with a complete lack of self confidence. It vanished at about 16 when my mum got seriously ill. I always worried about what people would think of me and to a degree still do.

However I can be the life and soul of thf party when i want and worked out when I was about 40 that my superpower is I'm likable. People like me. I had a sales/customer service career till I was 40 then set up a business working on my own often not talking to anyone all day...bliss!

You're not boring. Boring people have no self awareness and talk about themselves and their achievements (or even their lack of achievements in a poor me type of way). Not everyone has bosom buddies its not a failing. Its actually good to have a wider range of friends.

Boring is not the right adjective to ddescribe yourself.

Lacking in confidence perhaps. I also think you are over-critical of yourself, there are plenty of people who manage fine socially and aren't loud and "larger than life". And to be a teacher you don't need to be "dominant". It sounds like you have quite rigid ideas about what you should and shouldn't be like in any given situation and if you are not like that, it's "wrong". Which is clearly not the case as everyone is different.

It affected me at work, particularly as I got older and there seemed to be less tolerance for different personality types and if you weren’t loud and outgoing you were overlooked/not noticed. I’m retired now and never felt more comfortable in my own skin.

I've always found social inter-ractions stressful. And my work, due to some silly decisions and not having realised this about myself when I was younger, has always been public-facing or definitely not 'back room' stuff.

I thought feeling a bit anxious was the norm for most people, but now I'm older I've met so many people I realise it's not always the case. For eg, my friend is a massive pub fan and loves to go into a strange pub and get talking to strangers and dancing etc etc. I like to sit in a corner with my husband or a few friends and have a quiet drink. But I'd rather stay at home and have a quiet drink!!!

I've always pushed myself to go outside my comfort zone, both in my work and social life. Not sure this was wise, but I grew up in an age where you were just expected to get on with it and 'accommodations' weren't made. And you didn't admit you were shy!! Shy was something little children were allowed to be, not grown adults in the workplace.

The result is that I'm a bit eye-rolly when people talk about being anxious. I'm not talking about serious anxiety with physical symptoms - just people who think that feeling nervous before an exam or interview is abnormal.

And if there'd been such things as Morisby Testing in my schooldays I'm sure I would have chosen a more congenial career path. I'm not really a 'people person', and that would have emerged clearly from the testing.

I actually went into a career where being quiet/introspective wasn’t a negative. Over the years though that changed and we were all expected to be loud and outgoing go getters. People who were very bad at their job but very vocal got on very well and I was pushed out. The quality of work in that industry is poor now.

Positively, it influenced my career path: it led me to choose a career where being the person in the room who observes, identifies and quietly assesses risk and misalignment is more important than being the person in the room talking on the spot or the person bringing in the new business - and those skills of mine complement those people well, and are well-valued. In my personal life it also helped me to develop a range of really good friendships: again, being somebody who can observe and support and impact that way are qualities valued by the people in my life, including those who are naturally more extroverted and outgoing and may come at a situation from a different perspective.

In a group social setting, and particularly one where people don’t know each other well, people who can tell a story and attract attention will seem to be the most successful; but you play to your own strengths and use your quieter role to see who you could talk to and where you can chip in. Teaching is obviously about keeping a class’s attention; but if you think of your best teachers, they probably won’t necessarily be the ones who were dominating or loud.

But I think that we need to get away from the idea that quiet, shy people are introverts, and that introverts are shy. I’m quiet and tend towards introversion, but I’m not shy. They’re different characteristics, and having the insight into your personality characteristics is what can help you to address them and find your place and comfort. I think the negative impact often comes from wishing to be or trying to emulate characteristics which just don’t come naturally to you, which makes relating to people harder.

I could have written much of this about myself. I had close friends as a child, but at some point started feeling more comfortable on my own, for a variety of reasons. My natural inclination is to be alone, except for a precious few. Even when I was a child, I tended toward best-friendships and a more casual broader group of friends.

I also trained to be a teacher, but then ended up following another path. As an adult my friends are my family and my husband. (And I'm well aware that on MN that is considered pathetic and/or dangerous in some way, because if/when they die, you'll be all alone and no-one can make new friends after 40. Exaggerating, but honestly, it's not far off what people seem to believe.)

I think my introversion and shyness has negatively impacted aspects of my life, but extroverted people don't always have it easy, either. I assume they're more likely to be thought cheeky or irritating. Some of them don't always know how they're coming across to others, and because they put themselves out there more often, they're more likely to face rejection or make friends with people who let them down.

I'm satisfied with my lot in life, on the whole. Anyway, I can't be anyone but me, so I might as well try to be happy as I am.

ETA: And yes, I am aware that not all introverts are shy, but in my case, I am both. Part of the reason I'm okay with that is that I've built a life that doesn't put unnecessary pressure on me to constantly fight my natural tendencies toward both introversion and shyness.

I am quiet/ introverted but not shy,
I did get a bit of a complex and lost confidence because people always commented on my 'shyness'

Everytime I spoke people always acted shocked and commented on the fact I said something. It's not like I was mute I just spoke less than others.

So I lost a lot of confidence as I dont like a lot of attention on me. So I basically 'became' shy and missed out on a lot as I didnt put myself forward for things, and when i did was turned down as ppl worried about my 'shyness'

negatively: approaching people in bars etc - social life is more restricted
positively: introspection/self awareness has made me very reflective (and sadly self critical) but ultimately happy with myself as a person
without trying to start us vs them - I often observe extroverts and think that they are making up for something missing. oddly - confidence.

I am an introvert but not shy. I've always been dropped by friends for not wanting to go out drinking, despite me being very open with them at first that I didn't like it.
People have always tried to change me and say I "should" be more outgoing or extroverted.
I get so sick of it being seen as the wrong way to be. Nobody tells extroverts they should spend more time alone and be quiet.
New people think I'm stuck up too.
I keep myself to myself now!!! But thankfully have a small number of friends who like me for who I am.

I see shyness and introversion as separate things.

I'm not remotely shy.

I'm perfectly capable of engaging with people socially; and I know that I'm entertaining and good company.

But I can't usually be bothered.

(With a few exceptions) I'd much rather spend time by myself .

I am an introvert.

Which industry is this? Librarian?

It's affected my life very negatively, both at work and socially.

Technically, I'm an introvert because I get my energy from being alone and find socialising tiring, but I think that in reality a lot of the people who call themselves introvert are people who like to be alone most of the time and who are very quiet and that's not me. I want to be around people, but I find it difficult. I'm more shy than anything.

I'm also much worse with people in authority, which doesn't affect all shy people.

It has held me back in many aspects of my life. However, rightly or not, I give myself a pass, knowing that it's not going to change because it's who I am and I'll never be any different. When I was a child, I used to tell myself that everything would be different and make sense when I became an adult, but sadly that never happened.

I was bullied at school because I'm introverted and I think nd as well.

I have friends now and more confidence but I still suffer from social anxiety especially when talking to more than one person.

Work wise I've had similar anxieties and thrive better when on my own.

I live alone and much prefer my own company and that of animals to spending time with people.

Similar. Used fo attract a type of person who did good work. Now showy people who don’t.