Awkward family photo

[Bellyblueboy]

This is a more how could we have handled it better than an AIBU.

My dad has four bothers. One sadly passed away twenty years ago. It was obviously a huge trauma at the time and the family still feels his loss.

We had a big family gathering last month for one of my uncles 70th birthday. My cousin asked for a photo of all her aunts and uncles together. My aunt (widow of my late uncle) remarried two year ago. He was at the gathering and he walked over and joined the photo.

I was taking the photo and my cousins have said this might the last photo we get of all the aunts and uncles togther and I should have asked him to step out. While I agree I didn’t particularly want him in the photos or expect him to join (I had called could all my aunts and uncles gather) it would have been rude to ask him to step out. Even when I asked for a photo of just my dad and his bothers this man stayed🫣. In the moment it was awkward and I could see my dad pull a face when this man joined the brothers photo.

My cousin has now photoshopped him out of all the photos which I think makes it obvious of my aunt ever sees them.

i think this is a man who is oblivious - he isn’t well liked by my cousins or aunts and uncles - but he is my aunts new husband so we all suck it up.

If we get this opportunity again, can I politely ask for some photos with him in and some with him out? He isn’t my uncle!

Well you have choice either risk upsetting this aunt or everyone else

If it’s a picture you have taken you can edit him out really easily. My iphone ‘cleans’ up pictures of randoms in the background with the click of a button.

ETA give a copy of the original to the aunt who wants him included and edit him out on a different version to circulate with everyone else?

None of this is your fault so don’t feel bad.
Edit uncle who is not an uncle out of the photos that matter.
Next time let someone else take the photos.

Lessons learnt. In future you either go round people individually and ask them to come up out of ear shot, rearrange them so he’s on the side and easy to cut out or tell others to speak up if they have issues.

I absolutely get it, one of my favourite photos is of my Dad and 4 brothers, I never knew his other brothers as they died before I was born and there aren’t any photos of them together. It was taken in the 80s and it’s just how I remember them. As the years have gone by the sibling numbers have got smaller, 10 survived to adulthood and only 3 left, just the one brother.

Could you not get a professional photographer to do some magic on the picture to cut him out without ruining the picture. or get creative with piecing individual photos together of the brothers so it looks like it’s taken together.

i wouldn’t worry about your aunt, if she sees it, be honest this was about your DF and his brothers and quite frankly your surprised he included himself. Then I’d walk away.

The others are cowards for putting it on you.

I'd call people up by name next time. Or have a chat with your aunt.

he is not a very considerate person if he thinks of himself as an 'Uncle' when he clearly is not, having only been in the family for 2 years? Very weird. I wouldn't dream of inserting myself in such a picture.

Your family sound rather mean spirited to me

Well I love them 😊

My husband was one of six children. We would have been married 54years this year if he had not died 20 years ago. I have always been close to his brothers and sisters but in a family photo situation such as this I would step back and only get in it if his family invited me to . If I had remarried I certainly wouldn’t have let my husband join in the photos so I can’t understand why his wife didn’t tell him to bugger off .

For future occasions, especially if you’re known as the ‘family photographer’- the one who arranges everyone into a group shot etc- I would do this-

1. Just be clear and specify who should be in the photo (by name).
2. Second option would be to ask some cousins to randomly join in so that when you ask him to leave the photo you can name him along with the others, rather than just kicking him out 😅
3. Third option just use this to steer him to the outer edge of the shot or right at the back so that he can be cropped out easily

My aunt will always be my aunt. She will always be in the family photos - it’s automatic. She married my uncle before I was born and has been there for every Christmas, every birthday and every family holiday. This new guy is basically a stranger - but he is invited because we live her.

She will have rolled her eyes at the new hubby, but he’s loud while she is quiet and I have noticed she just ignores his loud obnoxious behaviour. No idea why she married him😩. Her family don’t tolerate him - didn’t even go to the wedding. And her children (my cousins) avoid him as much as possible.

Your aunt loves him and you didn’t go to the wedding and you say you love her that is just such a weird set up

Where did I say I didn’t go to the wedding!

my family (related through her late husband) all went. Her family (her siblings and their children) didn’t,

He’s a bit of a dick for staying in the photo, yes.

Next time, say-can I just have Dave, Steve and Phil for this one please.

Does anyone else have a vision for their wedding 10 years before they get married? Maybe that’s what’s weird to me a vision for a wedding

YANBU. Crazy he stayed for the brothers one.

He sounds oblivious. Just take one and then say let’s do one with just Bob, Pete and Chris now and wait for him to step away.

AI him out. It is amazing what AI can do on photos. It will be like he was never there.

?