AIBU to not want to go on a booked girls’ trip abroad?

[Prinnypeach]

To not want to go away on girls trip now it’s booked?

booked a holiday abroad when I split with LOs father 3 years ago - it was suggested and arranged by my friends and was something that took a lot of convincing and pre planning as I was really unsure. I chickened out last year and pushed dates back to this year. Now it’s come round and we are flying this weekend.

5 nights - originally started as 3 but my friends wanted a couple of extra nights, we are going to Spain and my parents said for the sake of arranging childcare just go for a couple extra nights. They are great parents and amazing grandparents and they felt I deserved a break after all I’ve been through.

LO is 3, lives with me and my parents so is in complete usual and normal routine.

i backed out a few months ago and felt bad on my friends who had put money and time into this; so agreed to continue to go, but now just feel so guilty and sick to the stomach to leave my LO. It’s not her missing me I’m concerned about, it’s putting an ocean between us in case something happened to her or to me. She is in the safest hands possible but I just feel like such a bad parent.

I have a 4 night wedding in Italy this time next year so I would have had to do this at some point but it’s making it no easier. I’ve known others to do this and they’ve had an absolute blast, I don’t know them well enough to ask if they were crippled with guilt prior to going though.

*just to note I have had a lovely holiday with LO this year and we had an absolute blast.

Its completely natural to be freaked out about leaving LO, even if you know they're safe.

But I think deep down you know that if you back out then there is a good chance that these friends, who have been very patient and flexible, will run out of goodwill and you may lose them.

I think you need to go and accept that you will feel anxious. On balance, the risks of going and LO becoming unwell are very very low compared to the risks of not going and losing a good deal of your friends and support network.

I would have suggested some counselling but tbh the trip is so close that you're now out of road for that option before the trip.

Go on the holiday. It isn’t long and she will be fine. It’s only Spain. The first time leaving is the worst but it’s healthy to have some time to yourself, especially if you’re a single parent. And if I was your friend and you pulled out now, I’d be beyond pissed off. Go and have fun!

thank you for the kind words.

An ocean? Are you in the US? (Misses point of thread)

You could make a plan for how you could return home early in the highly unlikely event this is required. Perhaps this would give you some reassurance

If i were your friend and you backed out, I'd be annoyed

@whatwouldlilacerullodo No I’m in the UK, just a figure of speech in the sense that I’m not an hours drive away like I usually am.

Yabu, and I feel in the fullness of time you would regret losing these friends over 5 days, when your LO will be fine. And in the age of the internet realistically you’ll know what LO is doing as often as you want (outside of flights)

Go! Have a wonderful time. Most of the time it's just me and DD. Very occasionally I get a couple of nights away thanks to my parents. Follow your LO, when DD was little it was better if I wasn't on video calls, just upset her more so my mum would keep in touch by text/pics through the day. Your friends are good friends to have moved the trip already. They deserve to have you with them fully, you will be a better mum for the break! (And have a plan to get back if necessary - credit card for extra fare! I went to a wedding leaving DD2 or 3 with now XH. Got stuck for 2 extra days after flight cancellations so have a great contact near Malaga - tbh she would have been better with my parents!)