AIBU to want my family to stop dragging down holiday mood

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I’m on a family holiday and my entire family is annoying me. I’ve planned this holiday for months and really looked forward to it but the older teen just wants to be on their phone the whole time, doesn’t wake up til lunch and won’t even come to the beach; my Dh is constantly taking work calls and is very grumpy about it and only wants to go to the hotel gym if he gets an hour off; and even the youngest (who is usually the cheerful one) is sleep-deprived and seems to be dragging themselves round all day. I feel like I’m jollying everyone along and making conversation the whole time. I feel like if we were just at home I could ring my family or a friend and hang out with them instead and have a laugh instead of having paid a lot of money to be surrounded by curmudgeons in the sun! Am I being unreasonable to want my family to either cheer up or, if they can’t, to leave me alone and stop dragging down the mood!

Typical of older teens to want to be on their phone constantly. A friend told me how they went to St Lucia and all her eldest did was crouch in a corner of the bathroom so he could get a signal. She was gutted.

Can your Dh not take actual proper time off? Does he have to answer calls or is he choosing to do so? I’d be very peed off at that.

Take yourself off somewhere for the day tomorrow. See if they even notice. 💐

With the teen I’d just let that flow over your head and leave them to it. It’s your DH I’d be more focused on and is there a way to support the younger one with their sleep?
In that situation I’d find a way to enjoy it myself - a massage at the hotel, a glass of wine and reading my book leaving the rest of them to it

OP, what do you want to do on your family holiday? Go and do that. What is it like when you spend time together as a family at home?

Our family holidays are not like this and we are usually busy doing things. DH is only on work calls if there is an absolute crisis which there was once; he managed a conference call on his laptop from the car outside his auntie's house for an hour and then joined in again,

Might it be taking your husband a bit of time to switch into holiday mode? Is he supposed to be working while on holiday? Our teen would only be on a phone taking photos if we were all out somewhere but she really likes a holiday.

I don't think you can cheer them into it. Lead by example: go and enjoy yourself. If the eldest can be left at the accommodation, do that. For your own oxygen mask. Good luck!

Yeah with DH he says it’s a stressful time at work so I’ve not said too much to him as don’t want to pile on if he truly can’t help it, but inwardly feel disappointed that even when he’s off the calls he doesn’t seem to want to do much except take himself off to the gym!

I did take my book down to some seats in the communal area today for about an hour and that was nice, but it also felt ‘wasteful’ as I kept thinking I could have just stayed at home and done the same thing and saved the money instead! I also took myself to the beach on my own after lunch but felt a bit self conscious surrounded by all the other families having a lovely time!

The only thing we seem to actually be doing as a family is eating dinner!

Think of nice things to do by yourself and go off and do them. Let them all get on with it. You'll be back to the grind soon enough.

Start planning a long weekend somewhere. A long weekend for one.

Where are you now? Are there any daytrips you can go on? Get the bus somewhere?

We all holiday in different ways I suppose. Can you make a plan for tomorrow to do some sort of excursion and see who wants to join you? Is it that sort of location?

Googling local day-trips right now!

I might also book wakeboarding for tomorrow…

You are putting a lot if pressure on everyone to make the cost of this holiday worth it. The money was spent regardless. I think it was foolish to do it if your dh needed to work and the children were not into it but that is the choice you made so the money issue is pointless. The trip doesn’t become more or less worth it now.

I have taken the family on trips abroad when my dh was also working part of the trip. He was wonderful at compartmentalizing and being fully engaged when not working. But it sounds like your dh is putting in longer hours. For him its just not really a vacation at all and I think you have to respect that.

Ooh tell us what the day trip options are.

I’ve googled, am I correct to describe wakeboarding as looking like waterskiing on a surfboard?

Yes that’s right! I didn’t actually end up doing it today (might do it later in the week) but did some early- morning yoga and a lovely long walk and by the time I got back the kids were awake, in a better mood and keen for a beach bar lunch. We ended up having a nice time.

So clearly ‘divide and conquer’ is the way forward!

Thanks everyone for keeping me sane:-)

That is not typical, that is addiction. Friend should be nipping that shit in the bud FFS.

And just ignore the work and effort it takes to organise holidays? The family are being inconsiderate arses

Next year don’t bother. Spend the money on small family treats like meals out, cinema, concerts etc instead so you have family time but without the pressure of being together for a whole week. Tell older teenagers they’re only welcome if they get off their phones.

I've realised over the last few years that a lot of holidays are like that...a complete waste of time and money and people could be better off staying at home just taking time off work.

I've seen people spend all day sat by the pool on the phone for work, unable to even get a coffee (heard them moan about it). Older kids who simply didn't want to be there (why not leave them at home with family if possible). Young kids completely overwhelmed by it all.

Holidays are treated like an essential...they are not, they are a luxury and should be bought into by everyone.

Op let your older one do what they want. Get the younger one to bed early tonight. Chat with your husband and see if you can schedule some time in the late afternoon to get some time together, if the oldest isn't interested fine. Tell her you're happy that she's doing what she wants and is happy but it would be great if you have a little family time....then she can do what she wants to

At least you’re having evenjng mess together. Do you have a pack cards or a board games? Maybe something like that or a walk together afterwards. Agree a day trip of some sort might be good. Take lots of photos. Glad you’re doing your own thing and making the mistakes of it.