To hate being pulled to the front of the crowd at events

[Sishirunak40]

I'm more introverted and reserved type of person, and I find that some people think that if you're not up dancing right at the front, you mustn't be having a good time. I've got some friends who are in bands so go to their gigs. Sometimes I get a bad back so I don't like to stand for too long and I sit down, doesn't mean I'm not enjoying the show.

Last gig a woman I'd never even met, probably drunk, pulled me up to the front and tried to twirl me around and make me dance with her. I told her that I was fine and wanted to sit down. She kept insisting and saying 'come on, just loosen up!' I ended up moving to another part of the crowd away from her.

A friend's wife is equally like this. She likes to be at the very front, twirling around, dancing a lot and singing every lyric, again that's fine but it's just not me. I was sitting down with a couple of other people watching the show and she came over and cried 'Why are you all sitting down!!' She grabbed me, took me right to the front with her (it was only a small crowd so everyone could see me) and started twirling me around again. I had to tell her multiple times I didn't want to. I'm not good at dancing and I know they're just trying to be friendly but it gets on my nerves. They're also usually drunk and just get a bit pushy. Any advice on how to manage this? It makes me feel so awkward.

wtf is wrong with people. Get the fuck off you flapping wench.

What do people try to force others?

Any advice on how to manage this?

Yes, dig your feet into the ground and don't go with them 😳

It's just drunken annoying behaviour. They want to dance and don't want to do it alone. They are embarrassing themselves really. You could be more forceful with your no, start to shake your head or waggle your finger before they are within touching distance. If they still grab you say "give it a rest, I don't feel like it." If they are extremely persistent and you do get pulled, leave after a couple of twirls.

Don't worry about being bad or good at dancing. I used to waste time with this. Nobody else is critiquing your moves and if they are watching you it's probably pity that the drunk person inflicted themselves on you.

Also, if anyone is grabbing your wrist, there's a very simple move you can learn to get out of it.

I haven't checked but it's bound to be on Youtube.

I learned it when I used to do martial arts and it requires no strength, just technique.

Thanks all. I'll try and be more firm, they need to get into their head that not everyone is the same as them and needs to be up dancing right at the front.

Don’t sit near the front.

Go limp. They can't pick you up and carry you.

I go to lots of gigs and can't say this has ever happened to me. Just say 'no thanks I've got a bad back'. If they grab you and pull you, pull back and say the same more firmly or wait till they let go to start dancing and walk away. No one can make you go to the front and dance and twirl. They're the ones being unreasonable and drunkenly spoiling your fun so stand your ground from now on.

I saw this happen to a poor friend of mine. She was standing at the back of the gig and a drunken husband of another friend grabbed her and twirled her round and round. She was clearly uncomfortable and when she managed to get away she shot to the loo. She has bladder weakness and had leaked wee all down her trousers. It was horrible for her

Urgh I cant stand when drunken people do this, its so bloody annoying.

I agree with PP- you need to be more firm - say loudly " I said NO" and then remove yourself from their grip and go back to where you were. Please don't worry about being rude- they were bloody rude first by trying to force you and manhandle you into doing something you dont want to do. Like- come on, how dare they?- I bet you wouldn't force them to do something you could clearly see was cringe for them.

You need to start getting a bit angry about this OP and push back. No. I said NO. I think part of the reason they stupidly think you enjoy it is because you let them do it. Dont let them do it.

Advice? Just say no

I feel for you OP. I was recovering from hip surgery and on one crutch enjoying myself in the gods of a theatre (so the seats and steps were steep, but I’d made it up there) and because I was on an aisle seat for comfort, this stupid cow, (who was a complete stranger), on the other side, kept trying to get me to dance on the steps! I mean FFS I had a crutch!

I kept saying no - she was very drunk and her husband kept pulling her back.
Eventually I had to be pretty assertive and just shout a very long “NOOOOOOOO, leave me alone” to which she got shirty at me (because I’m no fun apparently) to which she got escorted out by the nearby steward.

Phew, I was able to continue to enjoy fake George Michael with my friend and dance safely in the comfort of my row and have fun!

Some of these stories are awful! I feel difficult being firmer if it's friends' wives or whatever, but I do need to be more assertive.

You really do. They're in the wrong and you're not there to service their pissed up needs.

I agree. DH and I went to a wedding in the Springtime, and several of the guests there (who I didn't know well) were grabbing me and literally pinching my arm to force me onto the dancefloor, and dragging me to the front near the DJ. They were pissed as farts and I was sober as I don't drink, and it was really uncomfortable and weird.

As soon as their backs were turned I legged it. They kept coming back to my seat and dragging me back, so I just ended up leaving the room that the 'disco' was in, and going into the bar or somewhere else in the building. It really pissed me off.

They're the same sort of twats who are loud and obnoxious at every social event and think people who aren't pissed half the time, aren't loud and arrogant, and who don't like big social events are 'boring.'

Something similar used to happen at a Church I used to go to (I don't go anymore, this was about 10 years ago.) I would sit near the back/one of the back 3 or 4 rows, and most people sat in the front 4 or 5 rows (about 40 people uses to go to the services.) Every fucking time, some busybody woman would come to me in the 3rd or 4th row from the back, (sitting there happily and comfortably,) and drag me to the front . 'WHY are you sitting at the back?! For goodness sake come and sit with everyone at the front.'

For context, about 8 others used to sit closer to the back too.. Mostly men. It was only me and one or two other WOMEN who were forced to the front.

One of the many reasons I stopped going to Church.