To find too much MN affects my mental health

[beenonheretoomuch]

I have been on here too much of late, for a plethora of reasons. It’s so easy to dip in and out of.

But … it is affecting me and not for the better. I posted what I thought was a harmless thread a few days ago now and got horrible responses. The tone and the hostility of the replies (I don’t just mean to me) seem to then put you on your guard so someone will make a post that’s 99% helpful but for a critical sentence in there and you focus on the critical sentence, or end up disregarding the nice posts because of the horrible ones!

I really do know the obvious answer here and shall be taking a rest <promise> but what I really wonder is why it’s so addictive. Why am I drawn back to a place I don’t actually enjoy?

I have no answer to why it’s so addictive I’m afraid, but I do think people on here can hide behind their anonymous usernames. They wouldn’t dare say the things they say on here, on say Facebook or instagram, as they’d be too scared of the debate / conversation that followed.

I know what you mean. I honestly think some of the really unpleasant replies come from bot farms who have some netarious aim of keeping women small, anxious and divided.
I think there are some real people on here too who are emboldened to be mean.
I have in my head this idea of the Mumsnet bogey woman who has lived her life "correctly" (degree from a Russell Group uni, two kids both of whom potty trained with ease over a weekend and who are now extremely sporty and slim, a High Earning Husband and a home in Surrey. ) she likes to dish out judgement to those who dont meet her standards or who struggle with things that came easily to her.....she probably doesn't exist but the hold she has on my imagination is real. And so I have taken a BIG step back from this website and noticed that I felt a lot better for it.
It's a shame as Mumsnet has really been a source of support to me at some tough moments in life and I got some fantastic tips for dealing with a fussy baby... Oh well. Time to touch grass!i

Its dopamine.

It's dopamine addiction.

It's a little frisson of human contact, or the possibility of human contact, the possibility of somebody agreeing or commenting, all without the emotional discomfort or risk of doing it in real life.

I don't know why.
What was your post about?

Also, keep in mind there are a lot of armchair warriors here. I'm sure most people here wouldn't say to someone's face what they write online.

I am the same as you OP. People being unable to disagree with someone else’s opinion without telling them they are stupid, people just tearing chunks out of each other, people making stupid conclusions about you based on hardly any information, people falling over themselves to berate an OP when nobody would in real life etc etc

I need to come off here too. It does me no good. I guess it has the same addictive qualities as other social media.

@Olinguita I literally have the same image as you of what the average MN user is like and probably none of us are like that!

I understand this and I feel this way about quite a lot of online forums, not just Mumsnet. Reddit, Tattle, Digital Spy, pop music forums. I can get caught up and over-invested in discussions about things that have no bearing on my real life, things I can't change or influence at all, and sometimes it upsets me for days.

It's the addictive aspect of it - seeing replies to comments etc, coming back to check in, then feeling that you have to reply.. and it just goes on and on in a cycle. Defaulting to checking forums / Internet etc when you have a quiet moment, doomscrolling, using it as an outlet when you're bored. Getting validation from people that agree. I wish I knew a way to cut it all out so that certain topics don't live rent-free in my head. I sympathise OP.

Yes that's my image of the typical MNer. Also holding down a well paid professional role where she keeps clear boundaries with colleagues, sorts out her life admin efficiently and effectively and takes no poop from anyone . Ever.

We can only dream of having a tiny part of this lifestyle

I go in fits and starts.

Sometimes, like last few days - there will be a few threads I’m interested/commenting on and I’ll spend way too much time on here.

I also have a horrible tendency to click on threads and I just know the replies are going to annoy me!

Then I’ll come to the realisation that I’m wasting a lot of my time on here (probably procrastinating from things that actually need doing!) and have a break.

Have to say though, I do find it quite a useful site at times and I’ve read a lot of tips/recommendations for lots of stuff.

Basically planned my trip to Copenhagen based on an old thread I found and it was bloody brilliant!

I referred to this just today in another post.

I have just taken a break from here, after only a few posts on returning, the tone of negativity starting creeping back in right away.

It's not just rude replies and armchair warriors that are the issue for me. It's the negativity in here that I don't think is great for the soul.