I’m currently 41 weeks pregnant (overdue) with my first baby, and I’m struggling to work out whether this is pregnancy hormones or whether I have a genuinely overbearing friend.
We’ve known each other for around eight years. Looking back, the friendship has always felt quite one-sided. She has regularly asked me for favours, childcare, lifts and to borrow money. Sometimes I’ve helped, sometimes I’ve said no, but one thing I’ve noticed is that if I agree to help once, the requests often continue afterwards.
For the last two years, since I got together with my partner, we haven’t really spent time together. We haven’t been going for coffee, meals or days out. Our friendship has mainly consisted of the occasional text message. Contact would usually increase when she needed something, and the messages would become very emotional (“I love you so much”, “I’ve missed you”, etc.), followed by a favour a short while later. Whether intentional or not, I started noticing that pattern.
Last October I found out I was pregnant with my first baby. I told her my news and she was pleased for me. She also told me she and her partner were trying for a second baby. Around two months later she rang to say she was pregnant too.
Of course I was happy for her, but almost immediately the conversation became about “doing motherhood together.” She started talking about us being on maternity leave together, how there was “no excuse” not to see each other now, babysitting each other’s children, and saying she couldn’t wait to go through motherhood with me.
The thing is… this completely confused me because it didn’t match the friendship we’d actually had for the previous two years.
We weren’t seeing each other regularly before either of us became pregnant, so I found it strange that pregnancy suddenly seemed to mean we were now going to become inseparable.
Since then, the contact has increased dramatically. She messages almost daily, sends multiple TikToks about us being pregnant together, checks in constantly and talks as though we’ve planned this whole motherhood journey together. I even told her recently that I was feeling overwhelmed by all the baby messages, but the contact hasn’t really slowed down.
During my pregnancy she’s also asked to borrow money twice, despite knowing I’m expecting my first baby and preparing financially myself. Since I said no to lending money, she no longer asks directly, but she often hints about financial struggles.
She’s also talked about babysitting my baby before she’s even born and seems to assume we’ll be doing lots together, whereas I’m honestly just focused on my partner, my baby and adjusting to becoming a mum.
Yesterday I dropped off some baby gifts I’d bought for her. I told her beforehand I was exhausted and it would just be a quick drop-off. I was literally there for under five minutes. Then that evening she sent me several TikToks, and this morning she was messaging again checking in. Individually none of the messages are offensive, but together I just feel like I’m constantly being pulled into more contact.
I know people will probably say that postpartum can be lonely and it’s nice to have another mum around, and I completely understand that. I’m not saying I don’t want friends or support.
What I’m struggling with is that it feels as though this friendship is being fast-tracked into something much more intense than it actually is. I don’t feel like she’s asking what I want; it feels like she’s deciding what our friendship is going to look like now that we’re both pregnant.
I’m also wondering whether my past experience is making me cautious, because over the years she’s relied on me a lot for practical help, and part of me worries that all this talk about “doing motherhood together” will eventually become expectations around childcare, favours and support.
Am I being unreasonable, or would anyone else find this level of contact and assumed closeness overwhelming?