Would it be weird to get my sister in law's brother a card + voucher for his wedding?

[pontipinemum]

My SIL has been in our family for about 10 years now and I have met her brother plus partner several times over the years.

I really like them both and think they are lovely people and a great couple.

I am not going to the wedding and would never have expected to be invited, I like them but it wouldn't even be annually I see them. But I have seen them 3 times in the last year.

Anyway, I know I can often be a bit 'odd'

Can I send them a wedding card + voucher?

YABU - Don't do it
YANBU - Send a card

Not unreasonable if you can afford it, I think that would be lovely and very kind of you

That sounds like a lovely thing to do.

That is a lovely thing to do. I think I'd give it after the wedding (or just before) so that they don't feel they have to then invite you to the wedding.

It’s a lovely kind gesture. I agree with the previous post, I would give it after the wedding so it doesn’t look like you want to be invited. More as “I heard it was your wedding last weekend, please enjoy this voucher from me as a celebration, wish you both well” etc.

I had planned on posting it while they are on honeymoon

I'm not getting a big voucher probably a £20 food delivery voucher.

It's a lovely idea and I would do it after.

I wouldn’t.

It depends on what kind of people they are how they would take it, and it doesn’t sound like you know them well enough to be sure if it would be taken in the spirit it was intended.

Thinking about my friends and family, I can imagine one set reacting with horrible guilt that they should have invited you (and then massively overcompensating and trying to include you in everything for evermore), one set that would think you were being passive aggressive/rudely complaining that you weren’t invited and would be offended, one set that would find it intrusive and weird and be wary of you or think you were likely to over involve yourself, and one set who’d just react with a cheerful “oh that’s nice! Let’s text to say thank you” then never think about it again which is probably more the reaction you’d want.

It just seems like a risky thing to do.

You sound absolutely lovely. I sometimes feel though that people sometimes feel overwhelmed by generosity and they then feel beholden towards the giver.

This is not how it should be but it often is.

@pontipinemum if you’re not invited, then yes, it’s strange.

I would see it as trying to ‘suck-up to SIL’.

Sounds perfect. I'm sure they'll be touched.

I think a card in this situation would be enough. To avoid them feeling bad that they didn’t invite you. If that’s a possibility. I’ve often sent cards to people I like who’ve got married but I wouldn’t expect to go to the wedding. Extended relations as you describe; my sister’s school friends, neighbour’s child, etc etc. but not a gift.

It's really not strange to send a card to an acquaintance to congratulate them on getting married. It's thoughtful and kind.

When I got married I received cards and messages from some people where I wouldn't have expected it (and who wouldn't have expected to have been invited to the wedding, so it wasn't about that), and was really touched by the thought.

I think it’s a lovely idea - do it!

I’d send a card, not a voucher myself, and it’s a lovely gesture

I’d also send a congratulations card but not the voucher. It’s an entirely appropriate thing to
do.

@pontipinemum You’re Irish afaik from other threads.
It’s not a bit strange to do this here in Ireland.
It’s a lovely gesture.

Misses the point it is it you brothers wife’s brother or your husbands brothers wife brother?

I think that's very kind and thoughtful.

You can give a wedding gift to anybody you want to give a gift to.

I know your user name too 😊 yes I am irish. My SIL is English but with a huge Irish connection 3 of 4 grandparents are Irish.

I did think they'd just see it as a nice gesture. But now I'm unsure!

I got a few cards/ money even embroidered towels from neighbours on the road I grew up on. And a few of my grans friends came to the church (i didn't invite them to only the church, they just showed up)

The wedding isn't for another week so I'll think about it.