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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to prioritise surgery over moving house?

3 replies

MeganBoo · 10/07/2026 18:55

My council multiswap exchange is about to fall through and I’m under a lot of pressure!

Kind of a long one to explain but really need to get this out my system as I feel fed up and pushed into a corner. I created a multiswap with 4 people and end of June we was told it’s been approved. The swap took a long 7 months due to the lady I’m moving to…her house didn’t pass the inspection due to things such as missing internal doors, missing bath panel. I knew about those things but what I didn’t know was there was a large amount of dog poo all over her concrete garden and her garage was filled to the brim (no exaggeration) with rubbish bags and junk. Due to this the swap was delayed for a few months and the person she’s supposed to move to had to go and clean her house and pay for things to be sorted. I was rather annoyed as she must’ve thought the council wouldn’t check the garage and that she could leave all the mess for me to deal with!

We've now been told we can arrange a moving date however it’s bad timing for myself as I have a medical condition and was told a few months into the swap that I’ve been approved for surgery. I had pre operation appointments at the start of last month and have been advised surgery will be within 3 months. Due to this I’m unable to give a date to move house right now as I need to prioritise my surgery and if I move I’ll be taken off the waiting list as I’m moving over 100 miles away. I let everyone in the swap know and they seemed to understand.

Well…today the lady I’m supposed to move to messaged me saying if I don’t know when my surgery is by the end of next week then she’s calling her landlord and leaving the swap. Im feeling annoyed as when she was dragging the swap out for months I waited patiently but then when I need some more time for medical reasons she’s giving me an ultimatum and I can’t exactly click my fingers and get my surgery date so there’s not much I can do and it’s pretty clear the swap is going to come to an end.

On top of this the lady due to move to mine is now trying to persuade me to agree to move asap and pretend I still live at my current address so I can still have my surgery. This wouldn’t work as how am I supposed to travel to appointments etc if I move over 100miles away and also if my gp find out they’ll remove me from the surgery list and I’ll have to start all over again.

It’s everyone for themselves and all the other people in the swap care about is moving house they couldn’t care less about my surgery or if I have to travel over 100miles for appointments as long as they get the house they want. After today I’ve given up, to some extent I get their frustration but if they were in my shoes they’d be doing the same as this surgery is very important to me and will be life changing! Honestly I feel like saying to them I’m leaving the swap as they’re giving me a lot of pressure and adding extra stress to me and I can’t guarantee I’ll have a surgery date by next Friday so the lady I’m moving to will leave the swap anyways. Just needed to rant about this.

OP posts:
Pennyfan · 10/07/2026 18:58

Have the surgery. You don’t know when you’ll get another chance if you miss it. Plus moving is very stressful-would you really want your condition which is serious enough to need an operation to be hanging over you when you move?

Shesafancyflapjack · 10/07/2026 19:13

a 4 way multi swap is a precarious situation to get into, it’s not practical to travel that far to a hospital and for post op follow up, you’ll also be outside of the health trust so that’s a problem longer term. I would suggest you step out of this one, have your op, recover and then look again. A straight swap is always more secure so maybe restart your search in the Autumn. From experience there’s always one side who are more pushy and drive the process, that can be a red flag in itself, plus the checks are very superficial, you could find yourself in a very poorly maintained house and as you accept ‘as is’ have less rights in terms of disrepair/mould/damp if they’re a hoarder.

stichguru · 10/07/2026 19:42

I can see why everyone's pissed off - 7 months is a long time to be waiting. Given your surgery, I think it would be kindest to pull out.

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