AIBU to refuse using my savings for our house renovations?

[Iliveonabighill]

OH and I have always had the same income, so previously both transfer the same £££ to our joint account each month to pay for food/bills/mortgage/etc
Since I took a step down at work (to do more training, then went part time after kids), we both transfer the same percentage of our take home pay (currently 66%)
We are currently just managing to cover the usual costs each month
We bought a fixer-upper last year (cos it was the only house we could afford in the right area). Nothing urgent needs doing, it's all aesthetic stuff like new floors/kitchen/re plastering bits/new carpets/doors.

I have substantial savings, OH has none. We've always had the same income, but OH has always spent the money he has on "stuff" (expensive speakers, car, guitar, booze/nights out)

OH wants to get cracking with our fixer-upper house, but we have no joint savings. He thinks i should spend my own savings on this. I've already covered the cost of stamp duty, on the agreement that he would pay his half back when he had saved the money, which he now says he doesn't think he should have to.

I dont want to spend my own savings on this. I feel he's getting a free ride: spend all his own money on things for himself, then expect me to pay for everything else.

I don't know if it's relevant but I'm from a family background where the was never any money to spare, whereas he's from a rich family

AIBU?
You are being unreasonable= I should pay for all of the house reno with my own savings
You are not unreasonable= we should both save over the next 5-10 years, then do reno stuff

Have you had the conversation with him where you say - we earned the same, I managed to save some .. where are your savings? NB why did you buy a fixer upper without working out where the money would come from to do it?

I think he needs to pay for all of the renovations to repay his share of the stamp duty.

It’s unclear from ‘OH’ - are you married? I think that’s quite crucial to this.

No way should you use your savings, especially since it's cosmetic work. Tell him to work out how much these jobs will cost, then can calculate how many nights out and luxury purchases he'll need to forgo to pay for them and his half of the stamp duty.

Are you me? Very similar situation here. DH expects me to pay joint things when he’s blown any extra money he had on his own personal spending. We both have had similar amounts of savings but his are all gone whereas I’ve been sensible! I have dug my heels in and am refusing to fund anything unless he saves his share.

If you’re not married then no, protect your own savings.

Can you set up a ‘fixer upper’ savings account that you both pay into and then you can see more clearly what you can afford to spend on the house and when?

Is he dh or dp? If dp NO do not use your savings. In fact I would say he should be putting in more to recover the fact you have spent more on stamp duty

Protect yourself.

You'd be mad to use your savings for this, if you ever hit hard times it doesn't sound like you could rely on him. Tell him to get cracking saving or like a PP said, he pays for it instead of paying back the stamp duty.

No. Why should you go without treating yourself, to subsidise him treating himself? What's his plan for the next set of renovations? Or other unexpected costs (redundancy, illness, car breaks down etc). Why is all the boring financial responsibility on you?

I also think you need to come up with a joint savings plan going forward

Absolutely, that’s how I feel, that I have to pay for the ‘adult’ costs like stamp duty etc etc! This thread is very helpful.

Make him take a refurb loan and pay for the half. Why would you pay for it, but equally why would you suffer and live in an ugly house

This - make him transfer more than 66% of his pay so that he has less money to burn and you have some savings. Some people will spend everything they have in their account, whatever the amount

I mean - it's your house too. If there are things you want done swiftly, then yes, take it out of your savings. But otherwise if you don't want to use them, then you'll have to start a joint pot which might mean you letting go of the stamp duty issue.

You're building a home together now so maybe it is time to loosen the "yours and mine" which doesn't just mean you possibly being a little freer with your money, it also means OH would need to stop spending all his cash on guitars etc. and start contributing to small improvements each month where he can.

Out of interest @Iliveonabighill, what do you and OH do when it comes to meals out or day trips with the kids? DH and I chuck the majority of our incomes into 1 pot to cover this sort of thing - do you go through receipts at the end and transfer money to each other?

So he’s been happily treating himself and expects you to now pay with your savings. The absolute cheek of him. Hide your money as you will probably need it in the future and way his attitude is. Buy a fake and tell him you have treated yourself to a diamond necklace with your savings. Therefore you can come up with a new 50/50 plan for the reno work.

Sorry you are experiencing this. He is taking the mickey.

This is one of the reasons I would never buy a house with someone else, nor do joint finances with someone.

We each live in our own houses, to our own tastes, with our own space and see each other when we want to, and no one is taking advantage of the other and we don't get involved in each others finances

Don't use your savings! He is trying to have his cake and eat it

We don't really do meals out or days out yet- kids very young still.
We often go to friends houses/local park/woods etc. :-D

So basically you've bought a house...you've paid the stamp duty on and he doesn't consider he needs to repay his half. He now wants you to pay for the renovations...

Either he is considering divorce and getting half of something he's paid f all for or he is a completely selfish twat. God knows why he thinks thats fair given you and doing the bulk of child care working and sticking in 66% of your wages...he's still going to have 33% of his money to act out his teenage dreams...

Did you discuss how you would pay for the renovation given you gave no surplus income and he has no savings?

I think in principle you are right but I’m surprised it doesn’t sound like there was a plan when you bought the house?

You both need to be putting into a renovation fund. He’s going to have to stop spending on shit and you can put some of your savings in. Once it’s clear that he’s got the message then you can start using the pot to renovate the house. And speed it up a bit by you using a bit of your savings and he pays you back through the renovation fund.

I agree with your point but is this any way to live?!

I think you need a very clear conversation about how much money it saves you both in childcare fees for you to be sah more with the children. If he's not responsive to this, you should go back to work ft and go back to a 50/50 split.
He needs to have it made clear that you are not willing to take a career hit and cover his share of expenses - looking after children is a responsibility you both have, it isn't your job alone and it's not him doing you a favour that you need to pay back somehow.

Tbh I don't think you can afford to do this if he's irresponsible with money and unsupportive. Definitely do not use your savings and get back his share of the stamp duty. Personally though, I'd be increasing my own work again - he's not dependable!

What was the plan when you bought the house? Is it a marital asset, if not then how is the equity split etc?

Can he still afford to save now that he's had to increase how much he puts into the family pot?