AIBU to seek extra support for my son’s phonics difficulties?

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Hi, sorry I am posting here for traffic and seeking advice please.

My son is end of y1 and struggles with phonics/reading. There is a possibility he has ADHD.

I know the curriculum ramps up in year 2 and i am afraid he is going to fall behind. What should we be doing? School seem a bit blasé about it and only care about the kids who are causing behaviour issues tbh. Even said about his ADHD not being an issue because he isn't kicking off down corridors when I asked about seeking private diagnosis.

He is a quiet boy who likes to follow the rules. We have tears over reading and the SAT style worksheets as he wants to be "right' for his teacher.

Would a phonics tutor help? Or am I over worrying at this point?

Thank you

ADHD can impact academic progress but Dyslexia is worth considering if he failed the phonics test. If it's 'just' ADHD a tutor might help, especially if distractions in the classroom are affecting him. But getting the assessments done would be good because if it's Dyslexia there are specific adjustments he could have at school.

Thanks everyone. The school use read write inc. We try to get him to read the books daily. But we do get meltdowns as its too hard. He is making progress and blending but he is slow and it seems to be a mental block for him. We read to him every night at bedtime too. Weve got a mixture of books so he loves being read too. He loves fact books but we have to read them too him. I try to encourage him to read some words and i read the rest.

We also do games around it. Brought the read write inc flashcards for at home. Try to do writing practice using whiteboards, taking our "orders' during role play with his little sibling etc.

I just cant shake this feeling he is struggling more than school are noticing. And that is okay in their eyes to be behind as he isnt causing issues.

I dont know of he has passed the screen test. Waiting for this information to be shared. I have a meeting with school about his learning as I've requested it and noticed things.

Thanks for all your help and I will look into some of the apps.

We read daily to him. Always have done. I am an early years teacher and so im feeling out of my depth now as the curriclum ramps up and is less play based. He loves us reading to him. He just gets worked up when we get the phonics homework books and ask him to read. He cries and says he cant do it, its so hard, i cant keep up. The Teacher suggested just doing one page a day so thats what we do now.

There have been times at achool where he apparently has sat their quietly and not done work. I think because he doesn't know what to do. SaLT have assessed him and discharged him. They notice he is fiddly after a short period of time.

It is incredibly frustrating and im trying to understand as you say specifically what the gaps are. We try to help at home but we get tears. I do wonder if tutor may help who can make it fun and just be better than what I can do.

Poor lad and poor you it sounds like he has got a block now. Only way out of that is to focus on stories being fun I think.

When you’re reading stories to him perhaps just ‘oh what’s that word, what’s that letter, can you see it’ - without making it onerous.

Any video games like Animal crossing with small texts that he likes? Subtitles on any programs?

Do mention it to school SENCO and try and pin them down about timelines, mention dyslexia and that he gets really upset now.

Not to focus too much on that, because it may not be that, but the British dyslexia association has a list of possible signs that may be helpful https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/advice/children/is-my-child-dyslexic/signs-of-dyslexia-primary-age

So if your DS's issues persist into Y2, I would suggest getting him checked for dyslexia, though that might have to wait until he is 7 or 8 to get an accurate result. If it is dyslexia, there are reading schemes designed for dyslexic DC, and they are absolutely transformative - I used one with as many DC as I had the time to fit in when I worked in a primary school, and the results never ceased to amaze me.

Good luck with it - it is incredibly tough when a child who badly wants to do well is struggling and frustrated.

I could have written your post. My son is also y1, also struggles a lot, also read write inc. He (my son) will not have passed the phonics screening test.

We have a huge amount of dyslexia in the family - do you? We assume our son is dyslexic, he struggles with sequences and a lot of the "tell tale" signs. However he has also made a lit of progress this year - hes still behind but moving forwards. Has your son progressed over the year compared to where he was?

I have a son who is quite resistant to reading because it makes him anxious.

as horrible as it sounds, I never let him off because otherwise we would never restart. I also never negotiate how much we do and take a view on how tired he is. Sometimes this means that we have to sit it out, coregulate and get calm first. He will settle down and then does fine after the first couple of pages and he is making perfectly fine progress - not as good as my eldest, so it is possible he is dyslexic or has a minor learning difficultly and I am monitoring that, but in my personal view for my son, it is right to separate the fact that something is hard for him (and be empathetic about it and find ways to support it) from the idea that he can avoid it because he has a unique specific difficulty. My son tends to avoid or kick off about things that he finds frustrating, not just reading, so I see much of it as an extension of that, which I need to both empathise with AND challenge.

It sounds as if there is not just struggle but avoidance. how does your son manage frustration with tasks outside reading?

Get assessment/ support now. The school's priority is their metrics.

If he is finding phonics tricky, start by having his eyesight checked and his hearing. Rule out a physical issue first (because these can be subtle problems and can be easily and painlessly screened for free). I've had a few students be 'cured' of suspected dyslexia with glasses.

Do not hire a tutor unless you find that teaching him yourself is causing stress between you.

Take action. In British schools, sadly, falling behind in reading and writing can lead to all sorts of issues. Over the summer, start on a fun little phonics programme and do just a little each day. You can switch it up between stuff online (games, songs, and it's amazing what you can create with AI!), reading together, making letters and sounds with paint or clay or chalk, whatever is nice for him.

You can learn to teach phonics! You work in early years and if you can do that you can do anything teaching throws at you. Pronunciation, repetition, lots of exposure to new phonemes with ones he already knows well.

Just go slow, little tiny steps, lots of singing and dancing and art and games. Build up his confidence this summer and he'll be ready to fly.

I suspect my father has dyslexia bit was never diagnosed. Two of my sons cousins also have been diagnosed but not picked up until year 5 and 6. And now very worried about secondary so this adds to my concerns of wanting to make sure things are in place. Thank you for replying and things for me to think about.

He does find things tough and doesn't have as much resilience as perhaps I see his peers but this is improving. With swimming we recently did a block of 1:1 after many issues in group swimming. He is now loving it and making good progress. He seems to focus well on 1:1 support but I know thats not totally realistic in schools. Thank you

Can I ask what you mean by this?

Thank you, yes I have planned some activity already through play and because he loves his little sibling I can embed it into their joined up play. Ive brought bath crayons, we've painted a walk with chalkboard paint so they can draw/write. I leave him simple little messages. Its a good idea about AI to give me inspiration too. I hage a meeting with school before end of term so I just need to know where the gaps are as im not sure myself. I find phonics hard too. The rules etc.

Sadly, if your child isn't acting out, you have to do all the leg work yourself. You need to find out what his underlying problem is and then come up with solutions.

He may have adhd but there are other possibilities too. If you can afford it, get him assessed by an ed psych and a speech and language therapist (salt). Salt covers much more than pronouncing sounds. It covers receptive language for starters ie understanding what is said to you, memory.

I would also suggest you get advice from SOS!SEN re how to proceed.

Yes he has a had a full SALT assessment as was previously under SALT but now fully discharged. No concerned about his receptive or expressive language. Scored above average for verbal comhrension testing, British picture vocabulary testing etc.

Thank you. If it is private educational psychology is this done still in school but we pay for it?

If you are concerned about dyslexia there is a free screener here : https://www.nessy.com/en-gb/dyslexia-explained/testing-and-screening/free-dyslexia-pre-screener-ages-5-7 which can be helpful just to get your head around what can be linked. E.g. days of the week we are still working on! Luckily he's ok with left and right whilst I still have to check every time.

Another thing we do is make sure he spends lots of time on stuff he is good at - our son is very sporty so we make sure he's able to go to his clubs/have an area he excels and enjoys as we don't want him getting down on himself. He also loves cooking so we spend lots of time on that as well!

We just got his phonics screening back today - he didn't pass, but he did so much better than I expected to be honest. I think he'll pass next year hopefully

You could ask school but it is very unlikely they will use the ed psych hours they get on your son so you would have to go private.

Btw, who did the SALT assessment? My daughter was seen by school salt in year 5 and signed off with no apparent issues. I got her assessed privately as we were appealing against the LA decision not to assess for an ehc and she was diagnosed with a clinical speech and language disorder! We had a third assessment carried out by a specialist speech and language school as we hoped she would go there, and they agreed with the clinical disorder.

Bit long, and this is only the highlight of what I could say on this topic!

Schools only have so much time and money, and only so many teachers and support staff etc. They are judged on how many children reach certain targets. This means that extra support is often focused on children who are just below the target and have a good chance of reaching it, because they are the ones who make the most impact on the school’s numbers.

The problem is that children who are struggling and are well behaved can be the ones who most easily miss out. They don’t cause problems, don’t demand attention and can appear to be coping when actually they are not. With limited resources they can become almost invisible. They may need far more help than what is available, but because they are unlikely to reach the target, they get more of a “make do with what is left” approach.

They don’t leave children like your son to fail. With limited resources, it is more damage limitation. So, for those who struggle a bit more, it can end up meaning they settle for showing they have made progress, even though that “progress” is not them reaching their full potential. Every year these children remain behind, it can become harder to catch up.

Many children struggle initially for no reason other than that it takes them a little longer to get going. Some are later diagnosed with an SpLD such as dyslexia. The main thing is not to panic. There is still time for your son to reach his potential, but I would act now. Get him assessed and consider a tutor. Not an academic hothouse trying to push him through endless extra work, but someone who can understand where he is struggling and help him access learning in a way that works for him.

Get the right support now, whether that is a specific piece of support that gets him back on track or more long term help, and your son has every chance of becoming a much happier and more confident learner. Talk about people you know or other successful people who have had challenges. If it is dyslexia, for example, Richard Rogers the architect and Lewis Hamilton. Normalise the fact that not everyone learns in the same way or at the same speed. Your son might not be dyslexic, but you get my drift. If he understands that struggling with something at school does not define his intelligence or what he is capable of, he is much more likely to believe that it is worth putting in the work because he has choices and can decide the direction of his own life.

Education should be about helping children access opportunities, not sending them the message that their value as a person is measured by their GCSE grades. I think schools, in trying to do their best, can reinforce the message that your value is your grade.

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The problem is that children who are struggling and are well behaved can be the ones who most easily miss out.
Yep. The ones who struggle and are a little/ a lot disruptive tend to be seen. The other group that gets overlooked consists of children who aren't making a fuss, and are doing just well enough to pass all the various assessments, but who could do much, much better with a little targeted support. I put somewhere between 12 and 15 hours into each of the dyslexic DC I saw, over two terms, and by the time I signed one off, his or her reading age had gone up by at least 18 months, and usually about 2 years.

Thank you for taking the time to explain. Yes I definately am not pushing for him to be highly academic if he isnt it. But I just dont want him sitting there quietly, maybe internally stressing that he cant do the work that his peers can do. And English/reading is so embedded in everything. Even maths is no longer written as 2 + 2 = 4. Its all Bob has 2 apples, Tom has 2 apples, how many apples do they have together. You need to be able to read and comphrend the question. My son is good at maths when its just written simply or mental maths within reason. But as soon as words and English reading come into it, he is struggling.

Does the school use memorable rhyming phrases for phonics? My daughter is in reception and I’ve found them hugely helpful for helping at home when I’m able to prompt her by saying “ea cup of tea”, “Paul the astronaut”, “better letter”, “look at a book” etc as we are reading together. If I know the same rhyming phrases that they use at school then I can give a hint without giving the whole word away, I’ve just pointed to which tool might be useful for the next sound. It works for helping her to spell as well. “Which ay sound is it” “the split one, bake a cake” etc etc.

So the usual advice is check hearing and check vision.

phonics can be tricky if there are hearing issues (eg Glue ear which is common at that age) or vision issues (so get an eye test),

once you’ve confirmed his hearing and his vision is ok then start looking at what else you can do to support him.