To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

[Datingwoee]

5th date tomorrow night with a man who has been great up to now. I’ve had to push the time back by an hour - said I’ll need extra time to freshen up after work. His reply to me was: “No worries, can’t be having a whiffy growler lol”.

Is that date cancelling worthy or am I being a bit too harsh?

For God's sake thought this was the update! 😂 hope it's not a troll post.

Exactly this! The growler comment says to me 'presumed access'.

Whereas a similar daft joke coming from a friend, would not.

Context seems to be rather escaping some people here.

It will bob up as a screen handle at some near-future point, I guarantee it.

Well there you go then, he’s expecting sex again and assuming you mean you’re going home to freshen up for sex so probably thinks that’s what you were saying so in his view they were your words not his.

At Least you know how he thinks now.

I mean, if you had texted him "yeah you'll need a shower for that stinky dick cheese" he wouldn't like it.
So why make gross comments about women's bodies to you? It's disrespectful.

I don’t really know what you mean @Coffeeonloop. Maybe because I haven’t seen fight club.

You know full well what that phrase implies.

’Oh, I’ve been out in the sun all day without SPF, and now I’m sunburnt’

‘Well what did you expect?’

(Aka, you brought this on yourself)

That crude comment is truly thick and infantile
and not my kind of humour at all.

I personally don't find it funny, but not overly offended. I might have a word to say could he refrain from similar 'jokes' in the future.

However, if it has given you the ick, and you find it offensive, that is what is most important. It is early on in the relationship, and if this is something you would struggle to forget, don't invest anymore time in him and move on!

I have the sense of humour of a 13 year old boy usually, but this is truly vulgar. It implies that he was expecting sex, and wants you to be 'fresh' for him. Yuck in at least three languages.

It is. That's its very definition (unlike the MN interpretation of 'making up stories').

This is what would bother me. She's consented previously. Still doesn't mean that she will again, or that he has an automatic right to assume so.

This, far more than the rather silly word of 'growler' is what would send me running for the hills. The stuff about women's genitalia stinking is also classic misogyny and what men say to women when they want to put them down. I'd take that as a warning sign.

At the Intrepid museum in NYC, there was a submarine called 'Growler'. Evidently this doesn't translate the same way in US slang. And, yes, DH (partner of 28 years) and I made a few silly jokes about the name. If, however, he'd commented on the hygiene status of mine personally then we'd have had a serious conversation.

I almost feel sorry for people with such a low bar.

Frankly, his 'growth' is not women's problem.

If this had been an established relationship then yes, I'd tell him that was hideous and that I wouldn't tolerate it. And mean it.

After a mere 5 dates? Nah. He can get in the bin.

'Women'? How did this become a universal issue?

The OP dated him a few times, liked him and even had sex with him. Now he made a misjudged comment. Personally, if I was in that situation, I wouldn't automatically dump and potentially lose out a person who up to now seemed he would enhance my life. I'd tell him I didn't like his comment, and see how he reacted.

cancel tell him why and block

he is gross and really do not waste time listening to his excuses for being gross

I'm already laying bets with myself as to how soon it'll happen. 😂

Now you come to mention it, that's what crosses a line for me between banter-ish sort of crudity (which I actually enjoy in the right context) and 'not OK' crudity.

And what's wrong with presuming access? If last date ended in sex why would he not think this one would? That's not the same as feeling entitled, nor does it mean he doesn't understand consent. He just presumes this date will follow the same course as the previous one.

Do you never base expectations on past experiences?

Takes me back to Bo Selecta

Fucking hell.

If you are actually, honestly asking this question in all seriousness then I doubt I can help you with the answer.

I hate the expression ‘freshen up’. It makes me cringe and I think of sort of sink washes or someone cleaning with a baby wipe. Off topic I guess

@SerafinasGoose

This, far more than the rather silly word of 'growler' is what would send me running for the hills. The stuff about women's genitalia stinking is also classic misogyny and what men say to women when they want to put them down. I'd take that as a warning sign.

💯 Agree 100%!

Carry on as long as you like, I think this is now extremely boring and am going for a dip in my pool. cheerio xx

I’d be telling him he has no chance of going near my growler now, whiffy or otherwise. I’m sure then he will apologise. (Google burned haystack dating method)