To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

[Datingwoee]

5th date tomorrow night with a man who has been great up to now. I’ve had to push the time back by an hour - said I’ll need extra time to freshen up after work. His reply to me was: “No worries, can’t be having a whiffy growler lol”.

Is that date cancelling worthy or am I being a bit too harsh?

@GiddyRobin Because they’re in relationships with women that are willing to accept it. The women that aren’t willing to are not in relationships with those men.

I would say that the vast majority of men do things a lot worse than that joke.

“The vast majority”? Don’t be ridiculous.

What % of men smoke? Drink alcohol? Disappear from the home for hours or days at a time? Don't do housework? Don't help with children? Leave during their partner's pregnancy? Fill their heads full of the nonsense on TV? Gamble away all of their money? Have poor personal hygiene? Lose their temper and scream? Are physically violent?

I would say that covers the vast majority, and all are far worse offences than a vulgar joke.

Im pretty open minded and like a dirty joke as much as the next person but this is disgusting! When I read it I just said out loud "oh NO!". Not something you expect from a potential boyfriend.

You know some terrible men @shuggles 😔 I know very few men who behave like that, luckily. I know there are lots of terrible men about, (I give them a wide berth, personally) but I think it’s bonkers to suggest the majority of men are doing the things on your list.

When did you meet the vast majority of men

Why is smoking, drinking alcohol and leaving the house each day bad?

How are those worse than being crude and disrespectful to somebody you are in the early days of dating?

@shuggles, actually re-reading your list, most of the men I know do drink alcohol, but very few to excess or in a way that causes any sort of problem to those around them (exactly the same for the women I know)

Even if that's the case, it doesn't mean that OP has to be in a relationship with someone who thinks jokes like that are appropriate.

Men out there exist who don't make jokes like that.

Get rid!

Eww that's such a gross phrase. It would really turn me off him.. also it's pretty misogynistic tbh to talk about you in that way. Something about the term sounds really disrespectful and gross.

Ewwww.... I mean, if you have a best friend who said that about your date night routine, it might a funny aside, but no that is 'ick' from a date.

If you have slept with him then it suggests a level of intimacy that clearly isn't there (as if it was he'd know you don't find that kind of talk funny).

Serious ick, but the questions really are do you still like him, can you tell him you didn't like that and would you kick yourself in a few months if you ghosted him for a text that landed badly?

It’s objectification. He sees you as an object. A vessel more specifically. Front of his impulsive mind - you exist only as a cznt. He has poor emotional control and zero filter. If you decide to tolerate this he will humiliate you in public down the line.

Trust your gut.

It depends whether you already been intimate or not

I saw a few men on Facebook make comments like this in the heat wave, not people I am friends with, their posts just randomly show up and I just think they’re pathetic and have no respect for women to talk about women’s bodies in such a derogatory way and it would definitely turn me off completely if a man said something like this.

so what?
Does that mean women should stay dating a man that does something they don’t like just because there’s men out there who are worse??

I’ve noticed that a lot of men when they’re dumped make out they don’t deserve to be dumped because it’s not like they cheat on you or hit you or they’re not like X and then name the worse men they know, as if women should be grateful that the man isn’t as bad as some other men.

Are you , apart from this, happy with him?
I assume his "humour" is not yours.

Are you looking for an excuse to dump.him - if so, do.
Are you willing to say to him " I do not want that sort of comment in a relationship. If you are that sort then go. If you want as relationship with me, we do not do that sort of language. So do you want to be free to speak like that, or do you want me?"

Yes it's confrontational, yes it's Trumpian. If you are a co didn't woman it will not be a problem. If you are a non confrontational, people pleaser more so. Good luck.

Gross. Shows you who he is

To be fair, when people say things like "freshen up", that's exactly what it sounds like to me. Like - freshen up what??? Although a bit immature I think it's maybe just a poorly judged joke. Only you can decide. We don't know the guy!

Does it??? How so?

Reall so if you’ve had sex can refer to a woman’s genitalia like this whenever you feel like it.

no. No you can’t.

If that’s ‘the vast majority’ of men you know, then I’d advise keeping better company. I take it you mean ‘drink alcohol to excess’, by the way?

As to your overall point though - so what The ‘joke’ doesn’t become any less a reason to dump someone by virtue of their being worse offenses. You can in fact dump someone for any reason you like.

Yes, perfectly put!!

So you think that when she is freshening up, she isn't washing her fanny?

Well of course she is @Bigreddog25, but that’s not all she is washing. It’s weird for this man to hone in on that like a ten year-old. ‘Oooh she’s having a shower…bet she’s going to wash her fanny!’ <snigger>