To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

[Datingwoee]

5th date tomorrow night with a man who has been great up to now. I’ve had to push the time back by an hour - said I’ll need extra time to freshen up after work. His reply to me was: “No worries, can’t be having a whiffy growler lol”.

Is that date cancelling worthy or am I being a bit too harsh?

Instant dump

No I'm suggesting you get to know someone a bit before sleeping with them, so when they say something like this to you, its not a shock.

Why are you blaming a woman for what a man said?

I am not.
I am saying - if you don't know someone don't sleep with them

or

if you sleep with someone you don't really know, don't expect them to be a prince.

Bizarre logic. No, I wouldn’t expect a man to use cringey, coarse language just because I’ve slept with him.

Or men can just not say things like that in the first place.

Yep.

Absolutely agree.

No, not bizarre at all. If you don't know someone you can't "expect" anything from them, because you have no basis for knowing they're a decent human.

Anyone who assumes everyone is decent first and foremost, is at best naive and at worst, a moron.

Women are more vulnerable in a new sexual relationship than men, for a multitude of reasons. This comment shows on some level he is inappropriately oblivious to this.

@Coffeeonloop I understand what you’re saying, but the phrase ‘what did you expect?’ sounds quite a lot like attempting to shame a woman for sleeping with someone she hasn’t known very long. I think it’s ok to expect men to be civil and respectful. That is the bar that’s being set. The fact that many men can’t meet it is a shame but not women’s fault.

He's showing you now who he really is. It will never get better, only worse. Cancel and bloke

It was a genuine question actually, not a bait.

Where has the op gone, still in the shower?

Ok, fair enough @Coffeeonloop. Surprised you’ve never heard the phrase used in that way but now you know that ‘What did you expect?’ is often used to mean ‘You should have seen this coming, so you are partly to blame’.

Probably went on the date

Just because Mumsnet is inhabited by fight club members doesn't mean I adhere to that.

really you're going off topic now, and its not compelling

The OP very likely washes her face, armpits, legs, arms, neck, hands, ears belly, arse, chest, breasts etc etc etc in the shower too, so why did he just say her 'growler?' aka her vulva?

Because he's grim, he's gross, and he's an immature pig with all the charm of the back end of a wheelie bin collection lorry that's why.

Anyone who thinks what he said is funny, is either a man, or they are a woman who has low standards in men.

Exactly. I said earlier in the thread that I have never got why women sleep with a man so early on in the relationship. The OP can't have been with him more than a week or two. I've had milk in my fridge longer than that. I don't care if I sound like a prude, no way would I be getting intimate with a man 3-4 dates in. I honestly don't think the man will like you any more.

Yes I know lots of women like sex and we should be entitled to shag around like men do la la la, but the fact is that even in the 2020s, it's different for women. Sorry, but it really is. Women do, always have, and always will be looked at differently for having sex really early on (or on the first night,) and many men will view her differently and are often less likely to stay with her.

And as has been said, you don't know him at all. What's the rush? Imagine shagging someone after 2-3 dates, and then finding out he's a gross pig with the emotional maturity of Jay from The Inbetweeners?!

(Patiently, awaits the posters rushing to claim the last time they shagged a man on the first night, they ended up marrying him and have now been married 20 years.) 🙄

Maybe suitable on a building site to your work mates (big maybe) but not to the woman you are seeing.

I would be cancelling and telling him why.
We shouldn’t be having to teach men how to communicate appropriately but I would like to think that I’m helping his next date by pointing out why it’s unacceptable to speak like that.

Dump. He's hidden his infantile sense of "humour" well so far but is now showing the real him and testing how far he can go. Says a lot that hes also started this after you've slept together. 100% bet also that when you cancel the date he's the type to respond angrily- be prepared for lines such as "I've done nothing wrong! Can't you take a joke?!! You're too uptight!!", maybe a few stock insults if he's really that immature 🥱

Update?

Did you mean to sound so rude?

And its always a guy in a random situation saying a grim thing. There was the waiter, the gym and the car park all in the last week.