AITA for being annoyed MIL does washing when I’m away?

[DChesh34]

Every time my family and I go away for a week or so, my MIL comes in and does washing (even if there’s 4 items in the basket), moves pots off the drainer (doesn’t put away, just leaves on the side?) and just potters about.
It riles me to no end! I’ve been a very independent person for my whole life and I hate being molly cuddled.
I’ve tried to say in a joking way “don’t be doing my jobs, you have enough of your own to do”, but she still comes in!
Am I being a total a hole?! I know she’s trying to help but these few jobs aren’t helpful and it just grates on me. She’s lovely and I know she’s trying to be nice but it makes me annoyed at her, which makes me feel guilty, making me feel even more annoyed!!
She leaves flowers too which makes me feel like an even BIGGER a hole!!

My mother-in-law did this.i loved it! And she did all my ironing - god I miss her!

I would hide any dirty laundry so she can’t do it. My mother in law did this once and mixed my whites and dark colours.

I don't think you're being unreasonable or an a**hole, but is it possible that you weren't clear with her about how much this bothers you? Sounds like you made a joke of it, so maybe she thinks you weren't serious. A clear, but kind, conversation about this is in order. In your place, even if she wasn't cleaning & puttering about, I would consider it an invasion of privacy for her to enter my home when I'm away & without my permission. Maybe I'm in the minority, but we all have the right to decide who enters our home and when.

It's really not an "anti MIL" thing, it's about anyone, including one's own parents, being so arrogant and interfering as to think they have a right even to come into my house, let alone do chores. It's not "lovely", it's awful.
I'll either do my own chores, or leave them undone, or pay a cleaner or ask, if I specifically need help. A relative has no right to make that decision for me.
My MIL would never have done it, and thus we had a great relationship.

Pretty sure it wasn't just about laundry!! 🙄

And send her to us!

You might need to re-read the thread title.

It frustrates me when people comment saying “Oh I’d love that, I wish mine would”. Making you feel like crap for how you feel.
It’s not helpful, it’s projecting and everyone’s situations and upbringings are different.

You are entirely valid for feeling the way you do.
It’s okay to like her doing some things but not everything. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, you don’t have to take the key from her… there’s a middle ground.

I don’t know what your relationship is like with her but I’m assuming you get on and could go for a coffee and say how much you appreciate her help in so many ways but you don’t need her to do “the certain things that you have an issue with”. You need to be clear and say that you will feel more comfortable if she didn’t do this, this and this, and explain why so she understands.

I would be the same as you too, there’s kindness and then there’s overstepping… there’s helping and then there’s getting too involved. You can have things the way you need them to be… without either ruining your relationship with her or having to just put up with it and push your feelings aside.

You might get a lovely easy going DIL like mine 🤞

My mum would come snd stay with us She’d pick kids up from school when needed and catch up on my ironing or washing The house would be like a new pin when she went home. I never asked her to do it but it was her way of showing love ( and she actually enjoyed housework for some strange reason) It was brilliant and helped so much when you’re working parents of young kids . We’d have lovely times out and about too I hasten to add.

She’s trying to be helpful. My MIL has a key to our house and she has done our washing, watered the plants and kept an eye over the house whilst we have been away. I’m always thankful and found it really helpful.

I thought it was sweet that my MIL couldn't wait to spend Christmas with us.

Until she revealed that she was excited that she didn't even have to get up to make a cup of tea

If anyone did any of the laundry in my house I would be beyond delighted

Me too. She sounds lovely. If you don't want her to do it don't tell her when you go away for a holiday.

Same. It’s as if people can’t fathom that some help is not always good help and if a person wants to help they should at least consider if their help is actually that and at least ask if the person minds.

It takes seconds to call and ask first and to accept the answer given. It isn’t help if the person doesn’t want it and definitely not help if you ignore them and force your help on them.

I wouldn’t like this. I wouldn’t want anyone visiting while I was away.