AIBU to refuse weekly lifts to a neighbour's hospital appointments?

[IGotDreams]

We have lived in our house for 4 years and know the neighbours to say hello to, taken a parcel in for them occasionally, we chat sometimes but we don’t know them well. We are friendly but not friends. We are busy with work, kids and general life.

One of the neighbours has asked if we can take her to a hospital appointment once every week for the next 4 weeks. One of their adult children can apparently bring her home.

Technically we could do it if we moved things around without too much difficulty, but as we don’t know her well, we said no. She looked shocked when we said we couldn’t help and she walked away without saying goodbye.

I mentioned it to my parents in passing last week and they said I should have said I’d help but I explained we are busy and she can make other arrangements. When I spoke to my parents last night, they asked me if I had changed my mind and was going to help the neighbour out. I said no and that we hadn’t even thought/spoke about it since as we are busy. My mum said I should be willing to help people more. I disagreed. We are busy and have enough going on with our own family and friends and that the neighbours aren’t my responsibility. In my neighbours situation, I wouldn’t ask for help from neighbours who we hardly know.

Would you have helped? I won’t be changing my mind and helping but wondered if people would generally be more helpful than me. I did say to my parents that they could help my neighbours out if they wanted to but apparently it isn’t there place to. They said they would do it for their own neighbours if asked.

All those details were there at the click of a button.

Rearranging work meetings to take a person YOU BARELY KNOW to hospital in a non emergency situation isnt being kind, its lack of boundaries

I think they should be asking one of their adult children who is able to collect them, or a taxi, rather than a random neighbour who is busy at work!

It said "We are busy with work, kids and general life". It did not say she WFH and would be working at the times the neighbour wanted to be taken to the hospital.

You are sounding desperate. I don’t know why it’s so important to you that I should not understand about WFH (ridiculous as I have done it myself) but you are making yourself look silly.

Why is ‘busy with work’ not enough for you? Why do you need it spelled out and to question if OP is actually ‘busy’?

I think people desperate to find OP at fault here is the issue.

She could also depend on you permanently for lifts to her future hospital appointments, if you had agreed to it for the next 4 appointments.

YANBU

Agree. Both my adult DC WFH 2 days of the week
They work all day whilst grabbing something to eat over the lunchtime.

4 hours plus out their day would be impossible unless they booked holiday. Hospital appointments aren't at night!

😅😅. Oh don't be pathetic and start insinuating I've lost my marbles!
Your posts don't make sense. "Busy" in inverted commas calls into question whether the OP is actually busy. That's what others on here have said to you too!

WFH stands for work from home. I'm sure the neighbour understands the word Work!
Especially as her DCs have used it as an excuse not to take her!

YADNBU.

Let me guess... you're 'the type' who frequently asks people for favours? The thread certainly seems to have touched a nerve for you...

No never I don't need that sort of help but I do help others in that way if I can.

I'm not surprised that the housing workers are speaking to us residents, of, over 55 shared ownership apartments, as though we are doolally, if posters actually believe at 60 we lose the ability to understand, working, needing to attend sports day/end of year assemblies etc. Lose the ability to navigate taxis, hospital transport, or ask our children to take carers leave. If possible, you should be as independent as possible. We have a old neighbour who was too tight to pay for taxis, didn't want to wait for hospital transport or travel on the bus using his free bus pass. It isn't just desperation why people ask for favours. A few older posters are saying they'd do it, but the intensity of primary school, didn't happen twenty years ago. Parents are busy.

If they are now not kn good terms, that is the neighbour's doing, not OPs

Maybe you should realise that starting sentences with maybe you should is very paper tiger and ineffective. I didn't read past

@Tink3rbell30 neither is four taxis. Potentially the OP could miss sports day, or other school events, mess lots of colleagues around by rescheduling meetings, or as she pointed out, not be able to walk her dogs. Eight hours is a lot to give. Her parents don't want to be volunteered all of a sudden. Why does wanting a lift trump what the OP has on, but not what the neighbour's adult children have on?

How far is it/how long would it take you?
It's a two hour round trip once a week for four weeks

What is it that you would otherwise be "busy" doing?
OP would be working. She works full-time from home.

Many older people find Ubers and cabs too worrying to use on their own.
This neighbour is about 60. The retirement age is 66 so hopefully people in their sixties would still have sufficient faculties to be able to ring for a taxi or use the Uber app. It's hardly complicated

This woman has a partner and adult children. She told OP that her son was working so couldn't take her to the hospital. How is it OK for her own son to refuse to take her because he is working while OP, who is a mere acquaintance, is being criticised and traduced because she isn't willing to take annual leave to ferry this woman about?

I'd probably do it. But I'm in a position to do so.... No school runs, retired etc.

We've done it in the past.

But I might be more hesitant if it were to cause other problems etc.

Having given this quite a bit of thought and having neighbours who expect a lot (which I explained in a previous post) it doesn’t matter if you had nothing planned at all and were going to stay in bed all day because you had a day off and that’s what you needed to do.
I’m childless (not through choice although it wouldn’t be different if I was) and people expect me to do more “to help” because I don’t have children.

Your time is your time and no one else is entitled to it. An emergency is totally different though but that’s not this scenario.
And all the other people who say they would help. Really?

oh get off the "poor post war generation" thing. I am the youngest sib in my family and am over 70. All of us run our own lives, one of us is still in part time work. We are all more than capable of using taxis or ubers, understand that WFH is ACTUAL work and do not need people "feeling" for us.

I do like to try and help out where possible as we all need a helping hand sometimes but I would never ask a neighbour I barely know to take me for hospital appointments while knowing they both work and have children to see to.
As another poster said why can’t their adult kids not take them if they can pick them up? What time are the appointments?
The whole scenario just seems bizarre.

YANBU. I think she may have thought you’re closer than you actually are, so when her DC said it would be tricky for them to take her, she may have said oh no problem, I’ll ask neighbour and I’m sure she won’t mind.

I’ve seen it before on here where elderly neighbours prefer to ask neighbours over inconveniencing their own DC (even though it inconveniences the neighbour too!).

I agree with you OP, I’d expect her to ask DC/DP, her other relatives and friends and then look at paid options to sort it out.

Ooh! Capital letters! I bet OP will change her mind now!

The neighbour told OP that her OWN SON can't take her because he is WORKING. Maybe her OWN SON should take time off work to take her. OP is WORKING FROM HOME so would need to take ANNUAL LEAVE to do a 2-hour round trip every week for FOUR WEEKS to ferry a neighbour (who she hardly knows) to ATTEND THE HOSPITAL.

Please note the capital letters which clearly give me the moral highground.

As someone who doesn't drive and take the train and Ubers to hospital visits myself, I don't understand the CFery of asking around for lifts. Oh the horror of public transport being suggested! Same goes for 3am trips to the airport. Get a bloody taxi.

@DinggirlThe neighbour is 60ish, she was born in the 60s, not some post war hardy soul
or some tottering old dear of 90.
Why would someone she barely knows take time off her working day when the neighbours OWN son won’t?
Get a feckin grip of yourself.

You’re not being unreasonable. The trouble is that saying yes once (or four times) can lead to more demanding behaviour.